Highlights of the week

Trump wins blue state primary

ITEM 1: The Supreme Court ruled that the federal government can cut razor wire to allow illegal aliens to enter the country illegally in defiance of both federal and Texas law.

The court did this under the Eleventeenth Amendment, which says the government can do anything it wants as long as a Democrat is president. My thoughts on Friday.

ITEM 2: The Washington Post said, “Cross burning in South Carolina stirs debate over hate-crimes laws.”

The Bezos Post used to defend cross-burning: “As odious as cross burnings are, not all people who engage in them are seeking to threaten.”

ITEM 3: Fox reported, “Kamala Harris Claims Poor Polling a Result of Not Taking ‘Adequate Credit’ for Accomplishments.”

Well, that and her lack of any accomplishments.

ITEM 4: Bloomberg reported, “The delayed Trans Mountain pipeline is set to begin filling with Canadian crude next month, and the CEO of one of Canada’s largest investment funds says he would consider purchasing the pipeline when the federal government decides to sell it.”

Trans Mountain? I’ll still call it a molehill no matter how it identifies.

ITEM 5: NBC reported, “Alaska Airlines CEO: We found many loose bolts on our Max 9 planes following near-disaster.”

Bolts? I heard the plane flown by its first tranny pilot lost its nuts.

ITEM 6: The New York Post reported, “Delta Boeing 757 airplane loses tire moments before takeoff in Atlanta: ‘Sounds like we got a problem.’”

Suddenly, all these airliners are losing parts. Is Ray Epps running airplane maintenance now?

There are no coincidences in politics, only patterns.

ITEM 7: Hollywood nominated Ken but not Barbie for an Oscar.

Barbie fans have not been this disappointed since they discovered the Ken doll came unequipped.

ITEM 8: The Daily Mail reported Warner Brothers plans to ruin The Wizard of Oz with a new DEI version.

Before they ease on down that road, they must ask themselves: didn’t we already do this in The Wiz with Diana Ross, Michael Jackson and Nipsey Russell?

Warner also plans to make-over It’s A Wonderful Life. Hey, why not make it realistic by having George Bailey commit suicide-by-cop so his family can collect millions from the city to settle the lawsuit? Clarence can be their lawyer.

ITEM 9: California said in a press release, “Ahead of oral arguments in Miller v. Bonta, Governor Gavin Newsom today issued a statement urging the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals to uphold California’s lifesaving assault weapons ban.”

He said, “The Court has a simple choice: uphold one of the nation’s best tools for keeping people safe from gun violence or put millions at risk in the name of the extremist gun lobby.”

ITEM 10: Citizen Free Press tweeted, “Chuck Schumer is calling for federal action to crack down on Zyn.

“The 73-year-old Democrat describes the popular nicotine pouches as a ‘pouch full of problems.’”

12 years ago, he thought a detergent pod was candy. Never mistake stupidity for senility.

ITEM 11: AP reported, “Crowds in India’s northeast cheer bird and buffalo fights, back after 9-year ban.”

Due to their size, the buffalo should have the advantage, but the ability to fly and to use their beaks to attack the eyes and tender parts of their opponents should give the birds a greater advantage.

ITEM 12: Democrat Congressman Dean Phillips is running for president, which landed him in New Hampshire. He told CNN: “I gotta tell you guys, I went to a Donald Trump rally a couple of nights ago. I’ve never been to one. I had an event across the street. I saw the line of people waiting in the cold for hours.

“And I thought what the heck. I’m going to be a leader who actually invited people, doesn’t condemn them.

“Met probably 50 Trump people waiting in line. Every single one of them: thoughtful, hospitable, friendly. Al of them so frustrated that they feel nobody is listening to them, except Donald Trump.

“A diverse crowd, people that have never been to a Trump event before.

“My party is completely delusional!”

Shh. Don’t let them know what is coming.

ITEM 13: As the financially unviable LA Times sheds reporters like a lizard shedding skin, Chris Cillizza and others protest the cheer of “learn to code,” a paraphrase of Biden’s dumb advice to coal miners to learn programming.

Why teach coal miners to code? They already have skills for jobs running heavy equipment and the like that can be transferred more lucrative occupations than coding.

ITEM 14: What the nation needs is coders who learn to mine.

CNBC reported last month, “The U.S. is running out of miners. More than half the nation’s mining workforce, about 221,000 workers, is expected to retire by 2029, according to the Society for Mining, Metallurgy & Exploration, and the number of candidates willing to fill those slots is shrinking.”

ITEM 15: The Hill reported, “U.S. Embassy in UK issues cheeky statement on brewing drama: Adding salt to tea ‘never will be’ our policy.”

So we tossed all that tea into the salty waters of Boston harbor only to be sold out by Biden 254 years later.

ITEM 16: NYT said, “President Biden has approved a shake-up of the leadership of his campaign, and will dispatch a top White House aide to take over functional control of his re-election effort just as former President Donald J. Trump appears to be seizing control of the Republican primary contest to oppose him.”

The shake-up is that his 2020 campaign manager will — brace yourself — run his campaign. She must own a mail-in ballot printing press.

ITEM 17: Richard Hanania of the Center for the Study of Partisanship and Ideology tweeted:

In New Hampshire last night:

College graduate: +14 Haley

Non-college: +36 Trump

A 50 point difference! This is at the level of the white-Hispanic gap.

Do Republicans even have a theoretical plan for how they can win smart people or do they just accept being stupid forever?

Marc A. Randazza, a First Amendment lawyer, replied:

Why do you equate college degree with smart people?

You think my HVAC tech isn’t smart? You think the guy who built my awesome kitchen isn’t smart? The guy who fixed my car isn’t smart? You think the woman who raised me isn’t smart?

As my Lithuanian-American cousin used to say, can you speak Polish? No? How does it feel to be dumber than a Polack?

ITEM 18: Fox reported, “Professor accused of anti-Semitism leaves U.S. for job in Qatar.”

Lara Sheehi just made two countries happy.

ITEM 19: EurekAlert reported, “Older adults spend 3 weeks each year receiving health care outside of the home.”

Two of those weeks are spent in the waiting room.

ITEM 20: ABC reported, “Previously unknown colonies of emperor penguins have been spotted in new satellite imagery.

“Emperor penguins, considered ‘near threatened’ with extinction, are the world’s largest penguins.”

It turns out they are not going extinct. They are hiding.

In fact, they are shivering as temperatures in Antarctica are below freezing in its summertime of January. They are like, “Dude, what’s with the battery-operated cars? Bring back the gas-guzzling Chrysler Cordobas with the Corinthian leather. We need the CO2. It’s freezing!”

ITEM 21: The Telegraph reported, “Even Ukrainian hospitals are better than the NHS — despite the bombs.”

Maybe England should pick a fight with Germany and get Biden to give the Brits $100 billion. Just quote Churchill to Congress and SpongeBob SquarePants to the prez.

ITEM 22: Adrián Beltré will join baseball’s Hall of Fame after winning 95% of the votes on his first year of eligibility.

Former pitcher Dontrelle Willis tweeted, “I need to hear my name in his speech cause he is 9 for 10 off me with 8 doubles and HR 🤣💯 good people.”

We need an “I Did That” sticker with Willis’s picture on it.

ITEM 23: AP reported, “Amazon-owned Ring will stop allowing police departments to request doorbell camera footage from users, marking an end to a feature that has drawn criticism from privacy advocates.”

We must protect the privacy of criminals.

ITEM 24: The High Wire reported, “New Study — Oreo Cookies lower LDL cholesterol more than Statins.”

Who funded the study? Nabisco?

ITEM 25: Radar reported, “Barack and Michelle Obama Convinced Bumbling Joe Biden, 81, Has ‘Lost His Grip’ Ahead of Election: Report.”

Radar? I await confirmation from Hawkeye and Klinger.

ITEM 26: The Verge reported, “Microsoft lays off 1,900 Activision Blizzard and Xbox employees.”

Thanks to Bidenomics, they’ll have more time to sit around and play video games.

ITEM 27: Levar Burton learns his great-grandfather was white. That went well.

Looks like they will have to update Roots. My name is Kunta Kinte C. Byrd.

ITEM 28: The Daily Mail reported, “Audio recording reveals the moment that senior Republican figure tried to bribe Kari Lake not to run for Senate.”

She should have listened to Steve Miller, who sang Take the Money and Run.

ITEM 29: President Trump defeated Brownie Scout Nikki with a record number of votes in the New Hampshire primary, a state that has gone Democrat in 7 of the last 8 presidential elections.

The race moves on to South Carolina where Trump will trounce her again. The only slogan he needs this time, “Remember when she was governor?”

ITEM 30: In Paragraph 7, CNN said 70% of Haley’s votes came from non-Republicans, which translates into 96,000 of her votes.

Biden received 64,000 votes. Maybe she ran against the wrong president.

ITEM 31: CBS reported, “Nikki Haley claims she was victim of racism: ‘Teased every day for being brown.’”

Those rednecks in South Carolina are so bigoted, they elected her governor.

ITEM 32: Google blocked ads on one story at Issues & Insights. Google said the story had “Dangerous or derogatory content.”

The story was “Trump’s Top-10 Triumphs: A Last Look At A Remarkable Presidency.”

I’ve been there, done that and moved to Substack. I thank readers for their support.

ITEM 33: PJ Media reported, “Sen. Kennedy Humiliates Another Biden Nominee Who Can’t Answer a Simple Question.”

The nominee is a Yale Law grad. Clerked for Merrick Garland when he was a judge.

ITEM 34: A kangaroo court in New York awarded $83 million to a crazy woman who claimed Trump raped her 25 years ago. She never filed a police report

This reminds me of the $1.4 billion in awards from another kangaroo court against Alex Jones.

But Palin cannot sue NYT for claiming she incited a madman to go on a shooting rampage in Arizona.

The Banana Republic days of America continue.

ITEM 35: Bob McManus of the New York Post whined, “Andrew Cuomo plots comeback with border attacks on Biden.”

Oh no! A politician listens to the people! We cannot have that.

ITEM 36: Rick Lowry neo-consplained, “Margot Robbie’s Barbie Oscars snub is no loss for feminism.”

How about a huge Thank You to the Gloria Steinem of the Never Trump movement.

FINALLY, Conservative Colette Harrington tweeted, “I just finished loading my groceries into my car trunk-one handed — while 4 different men walked by and didn’t offer to help. The women in the grocery store helped me retrieve items from higher shelves. The check out ladies unloaded my shopping cart and packed everything up. The only guy that tried to talk to me was doing a poor job of flirting. Real men are in short supply these days.”

She got shellacked by people who blamed feminism for the indifference.

She left out the part where her arm was busted.