Running for President Inc.

Now look at them Bozos, that’s the way you do it. You dump on Trump on C-Span TV. That ain’t working, that’s the way you do it. Money from donors and your trips for free.

Ah yes, a little Dire Straits for a nation in dire straits.

Every four years, America holds a presidential election, and every four years a bunch of people with no chance of winning enter the race and raise money. They do so because they can spend the money they raise pretty much as they want. It beats working for a living.

The federal government used to match some of the money raised, which was a porch light to these moths. Obama killed it in 2008 by refusing the money. He refused because the matching money placed restrictions on his fund-raising.

His opponent, world-class mooch John McCain, took the money because it was there. When James Carville said, “Women can be found by dragging $100 bills through a trailer park,” he should have included McCain.

Obama and McCain actually had a chance to win that year, as did Hillary. But Governors Bill Richardson and Tom Vilsack, and Senators Evan Bayh and John Edwards had no chance in heck. Still, they ran, raised money, and spent millions.

Edwards used some of the campaign money to buy off his baby mama — even as he campaigned as the fit and good-looking husband who stood by his weight-challenged wife during her bout with cancer. He really did get his chick for free.

McCain’s Republican opponents included such no-chancers as Alan Keyes and Duncan Hunter.

Third-party candidates included Ralph Nader and whoever the Libertarian candidate was that year. Nader raised more than $3 million and collected nearly $900,000 in federal matching funds. That is not too shabby. As Woody Allen said, “I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.”

Open Secrets reported in 2008, “For the first time ever in U.S. history, the candidates for president raised more than $1 billion.”

12 years later, the figure was $5.7 billion — and $14.4 billion was raised for all elected offices. Running for public office is the fastest growing industry in America because the government is where the action is and donors want in on it. The government is preparing to become larger than the rest of the economy. Every time you say there ought to be a law, a bureaucracy gets its wings.

If you expect people who receive money for nothing to balance the budget, I still have that train trestle to sell you in Poca, West Virginia.

Speaking of West Virginia, in 2012, Democrats in their primary gave Keith Judd 40% of their votes in a two-man race against Obama. At the time, Judd was in the middle of a 15-year sentence in a federal penitentiary in Texas for extortion. Maybe he used the money he raised on cigarettes.

Which brings me to this year’s race which will be a repeat of the last election in which Democrats stuffed the ballot box to put Biden in the White House. The wheels are greased again for Biden. Nevertheless, Robert Francis Kennedy Jr. has raised $6.3 million to challenge him in the Democrat primaries. That makes sense. Buttigieg ran last time and wound up with a no-show job as secretary of transportation. That makes him 13th in the line of presidential succession.

Politico said much of Kennedy’s money came from Republicans who want RFK Jr. to make Biden spend money on primaries.

Biden has raised $72 million so far, dwarfing everyone including the entire pack of Republican candidates. I wonder how much of that Biden laundered through Ukraine, where for every $100 billion we spend, $30 billion gets pocketed by someone. Kyiv Korruption. Thanks to you, it’s working.

J.D. Rucker ran down how much money the nobody Republican candidates pocketed from their marks in the last three months.

North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum raised $11.7 million. He is in third place in raising money after DeSantis and Trump.

Self-described billionaire Vivek Ramaswamy raised $7.7 million.

Senator Tim Scott raised nearly $6 million.

Ambassador Nikki Haley raised $5.3 million.

Beached Whale Chris Christie raised $1.65 million.

Vice President Mike Pence raised $1.2 million.

Mayor Francis Suarez raised just under $1 million.

And Asa Hutchinson raised $582,521. Under the Bill Clinton Rule, every governor of Arkansas now must run for president after his terms end. Sarah Sanders 2032.

The big boys were the top fundraisers. Trump raised $35 million.

DeSantis raised more than $20 million but is laying off workers. Dropping in the polls like Bud Light will do that.

Politico reported, “Two senior advisers on Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’ presidential campaign are departing this week to help a pro-DeSantis outside effort — a move that comes as he struggles to gain traction against former President Donald Trump.

“Dave Abrams, the campaign’s communications adviser and media director, and Tucker Obenshain, who led external affairs, are leaving to help an outside political no-profit group that will be bolstering the governor, the campaign confirmed in a statement. Obenshain will lead the group that is expected to host events, as part of what the campaign is describing as a ‘DeSantis is everywhere strategy,’ as he looks to compete in early nominating states, including Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina.”

DeSantis is everywhere? So is Chickenman.

Oh, DeSantis has a shot, as does Ramaswamy, but their chances rely on an Arkancide, which still is possible. Do you really believe Hillary has forgotten about 2016?

DeSantis has raised money but fallen in the polls. Perhaps he is just going to raise money and bank on 2028. I suggest he dial down the anti-Trump statements until four years from now when The Donald cannot seek a third term.

My advice to the loser candidates is keep on running, baby, As long as the money is there for the taking, take it.

A presidential campaign boosts one’s ego and one’s wallet. The media loves to overstate the popularity of a Christie or a Haley because the media wants to pretend the nominations are still up for grabs. Christie, Haley and Pence also get air time because they trash Trump.

For example, Christie got headlines by saying in a fight, he would kick Trump’s ass. Come on. Shins, maybe, but CC could not lift his foot any higher.

Burgum, who raised a million more last quarter than Fat Man and Little Boy combined, gets zero airtime because nobody has heard of him because he never gets any airtime. He’s unfamous for being unfamous.

But he and the rest are getting money for nothing and occasionally someone gets a chick for free.