Highlights of the week

ITEM 1: The Times West Virginian reported, “One form of political animal was conspicuously absent from the 2024 West Virginia State Democrats Convention this past weekend in Charleston. No news media showed up.”

That’s a twofer. The newspaper admitted it cannot cover the news and Democrats admitted they no longer matter in West Virginia politics.

ITEM 2: The Babylon Bee reported that the first named tropical storm of the hurricane season formed off the coast of Texas.

NOAA named it Alberto. Its scientific name is VO5.

ITEM 3: The National Catholic Registry tweeted, “Holy Cross Father Patrick Reidy, a professor at Notre Dame Law School, will clerk for Justice Brett Kavanaugh in the U.S. Supreme Court’s upcoming term. Few lawyers have the privilege of clerking for a sitting Supreme Court Justice, but Father Reidy’s vocation to the priesthood makes his situation even more impressive.”

Cool. How good is he at exorcisms?

ITEM 4: Fox reported, “Manhattan DA drops charges against Columbia University students arrested at anti-Israel protests.”

We took Aunt Jemima off the pancake box.

When are we going to get rid of Auntie Semitism?

ITEM 5: Citizen Free Press tweeted video of vandals trying to destroy Stonehenge.

What they cannot turn into a mosque, lefties will destroy.

ITEM 6: KHOU reported, “A family of taekwondo instructors were able to save a woman from an attack in the Cypress area on Tuesday, according to Harris County Sheriff Ed Gonzalez.

“Gonzalez said instructors from Yong-In Tae Kwon Do sprung into action when they heard some commotion going on next door.”

The assailant went to the wrong place. Crime is like real estate: location, location, location.

ITEM 7: The New York Post reported, “Former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke says he is siding with anti-Israel protesters and those who will ‘save us from Jewish supremacism’ — as social media users ripped pro-Palestine activists for finding common ground with the hate group.”

He finally found his people.

ITEM 8: ABC reported 14 years ago, “White House Columnist Helen Thomas Resigns After Telling Jews ‘Go Home.’”

Today they would promote her to president of Harvard.

ITEM 9: Jack Black became the latest celebrity to endorse FJB.

You don’t need to see the Epstein Island visitor’s list to know who’s on it.

ITEM 10: Raw Alerts tweeted, “A U.S. Secret Service agent was robbed at gunpoint over the weekend during Biden’s trip in California.”

The agent said thank goodness it was just a mugger and not one of FJB’s dogs.

ITEM 11: The Hollywood Reporter reported, “White House Slams Claims President Biden Froze at L.A. Fundraiser Following THR’s Viral Clip.”

Relax. Nothing’s wrong. He was just auditioning for Disney upcoming Frozen III flick.

ITEM 12: Shay Woulahan reported, “Trans-Identified Male Who Exposed His Breasts At The White House Now Accused Of Sexually Assaulting Another Transgender Person.”

It’s as if people whose only identity is their sex — real or imaginary — have a hangup.

ITEM 13: The National Park Service tweeted, “Believe in yourself like visitors who believe they can pet a bison.”

Yellowstone bison. Filtering the human gene pool since 1872.

ITEM 14: The Daily Caller reported, “The president of the Chicago Teachers Union claimed during a radio interview that aired Sunday that conservatives don’t want black children to learn how to read.”

Hey, that’s our job, she said. Only 31% of Chicago kids can read at their grade level.

ITEM 15: Samuel J. Abrams & Steven McGuire wrote, “Harvard’s year has been one for the history books. It ranked last in the Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression’s annual college free speech survey, earning its own category of abysmal.

“It had quite possibly the worst response to Hamas’s October 7th terrorist attack on Israel in all American higher education. Its former president, Claudine Gay, rightly resigned after a disastrous appearance before Congress and plagiarism revelations in her weak academic record. It has lost major donors. It is facing lawsuits and Department of Education investigations for anti-Semitism. Many of its own faculty, including a former president, have publicly declared the need for significant reforms.”

Well, they wanted to make history by hiring their first black female president. They did.

ITEM 16: Rob Metzger tweeted, “Five years ago, Joe Mazzulla was coaching against West Liberty, Wheeling and other Mountain East squads as Fairmont State head coach. Tonight, the 35 year old former WVU guard is an NBA CHAMPION head coach. What a rise!”

Of course a guy who wears this coached in Almost Heaven.

ITEM 17: City Journal reported on Olympic security. It said:

French police face a daunting challenge in protecting so many events spread throughout the country. The royal Palace of Versailles, where Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette once held lavish banquets, will host equestrian events. The Place de la Concorde, where Louis and his wife were guillotined in 1793, will see skateboarding and basketball. Fencing and taekwondo will take place in the Grand Palais, and hockey will be played in Yves-du-Manoir Stadium, the main venue for the 1924 Paris Games. Soccer, Europe's passion, will be played at seven of France's largest stadiums, and beach volleyball will take place at the foot of the Eiffel Tower. Marseilles, France's second-largest city, will host sailing competitions, as surfers compete in far-flung Tahiti.

Paris? I was hoping beach volleyball would be at Normandy.

Too soon?

ITEM 18: CNBC reported, “𝕏 boss Elon Musk softens ‘go f--- yourself’ comment as he tries to woo advertisers back.”

He changed it to go forth and multiply — alone.

ITEM 19: DogeDesigner tweeted, “This is why 𝕏 has become the #1 News App in over 140 countries worldwide. 𝕏 is the new model of news.”

Which is the real reason Corporate America hates it. There is too much news floating around that corporations and the government cannot control.

ITEM 20: Pedo Joe will allow illegals to remain in the country if they marry an American.

National Review published an angry letter denouncing the move, but for ugly liberal women, it is a chance to not die alone.

ITEM 21: Citizen Free Press reported, “Brand new luxury apartment building is now open for the homeless in Los Angeles, with 278 units in the Weingart Tower.

“Each unit costs $600,000 in the $165 million project.”

They should call it the Gaza Pier Apartment Complex because it won’t last six months.

ITEM 22: ICE announced, “ERO Baltimore arrests unlawfully present Salvadoran convicted of sexually assaulting Maryland minor.”

Unlawfully present. Our government gets dumber by the day.

ITEM 23: Time reported, “Louisiana’s Ten Commandments Law Couldn’t Have Happened Without Trump.”

Oh, come on. Trump is a great man but he ain’t God.

ITEM 24: AP reported, “580,000 glass coffee mugs recalled because they can break when filled with hot liquid.”

The manufacturer’s name is JoyJolt. You’ll get a jolt but not much joy.

TWEET OF THE WEEK: MyTimeToShineHello tweeted, “Sydney Sweeney met with Lucasfilm recently. Which character would you like to see her portray in the Star Wars universe?”

G replied, “R2-DD2.”

ITEM 25: Collin Rugg tweeted, “One of the migrants charged with k*lling 12-year-old Jocelyn Nungaray was released into the United States weeks ago.”

Catch and release them again at a park at 3 AM. Be sure to tell everyone the time and the place.

ITEM 26: End Wokeness tweeted, “Senior Vice President at Disney: ‘There’s no way we’re hiring a white male.’”

We sort of noticed.

And after being caught saying that, the white boy VP took a sudden leave of absence.

ITEM 27: Zero Hedge reported, “Putin Says West Prepared To Scapegoat Zelensky For War Failures: Replaced By Next Year.”

Yes, just like the Germans blamed Hitler and replaced him with Karl Dönitz.

ITEM 28: Missouri Attorney General Andrew Baily tweeted, “I will be filing suit against the State of New York for their direct attack on our democratic process through unconstitutional lawfare against President Trump.”

The future chief justice of the Supreme Court also said, “We have to fight back against a rogue prosecutor who is trying to take a presidential candidate off the campaign trail. It sabotages Missourians’ right to a free and fair election.”

ITEM 29: CBS tweeted, “A team of vets pulled an entire beach towel out of a python in Australia — with their bare hands.”

They should name the python Breeze.

ITEM 30: Axios reported, “Biden's team raises $85 million in May, less than Trump’s $141 million haul.”

Democrats won’t worry. Biden still has a $6 trillion federal budget to buy votes.

ITEM 31: Oilprice.com reported, “On June 10, Critical Metals Corp signed an agreement to acquire a controlling interest in Greenland’s Tanbreez project, which it says is the largest rare earth deposit in the world. Once operational, CRML expects it to supply Europe and North America. And on June 18 the company announced it had completed its initial investment for the Tanbreez acquisition, lending more confidence to the deal and further de-risking the transaction, according to a company press release.

“Tanbreez is said to have over 28 million tons of total rare earth oxides, the company estimates internally, and nearly 30% of that is the most coveted heavy rare earth elements.”

Now you know why Trump wanted to buy Greenland.

ITEM 32: RIP, Willie Mays.

He was so revered that Bowie Kuhn once banned him from baseball for life because Mays took a job as a greeter at a casino. Now FanDuel is an official sponsor of MLB.