Highlights of the week

Word of the week: Timpon

WORD OF THE WEEK: Timpon.

A tampon in a boys’ room.

ITEM 1: The New York Post reported, “Florida Rep. Anna Paulina Luna speaks out after years-old footage of MAGA swimsuit goes viral.”

She wore a swimsuit that said Make America Great Again before she was elected to Congress. Now she wears business outfits. I demand an end to this cover-up.

Warning, do not peek at this bathing beauty.

Here’s some eyewash for those who did not believe me.

ITEM 2: The World Health Organization announced, “WHO Director-General declares monkey pox outbreak a public health emergency of international concern.”

Don’t worry. I developed my own vaccine: don’t have sex with monkeys or random homosexuals.

That’ll be $6.3 billion. You’re welcome.

ITEM 3: Axios exclaimed, “Harris campaign’s Google ads rewrite news headlines.”

I thought something was up when I looked up some football scores and the headline read, “Browns win the Super Bowl.”

ITEM 4: The National Interest reported, “Kamala Harris Would Be Disastrous for the Middle East.”

Just like she will be to the Midwest. She’s an equal opportunity bonehead.

ITEM 5: NYT reported, “Illinois Woman Is Sentenced to Nine Years for Stealing $1.5 Million in Chicken Wings.”

Good thing they weren’t buffalo wings, or she would be in big trouble.

ITEM 6: Andrew McCarthy wrote, “Prepare for Trump to be sentenced to prison on September 18.”

Time to recycle Louisiana’s “Vote for the crook. It’s that important” ads.

ITEM 7: Julie Kelly reported, “Judge Merchan's Daughter Raked in $12.7 Million in First Six Months of 2024.”

He may be a lousy judge but he ain’t cheap.

ITEM 8: Just the News reported, “U.S. official claims country has reached an impasse on improving relations with Cuba: report.”

Trying to assassinate opponents and imprisoning his supporters might be too fascist for post-Castro Cuba.

ITEM 9: Politico reported, “Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is suing General Motors over the company’s location data sales, claiming that the automaker violated millions of Texans’ privacy rights.”

Now do the federal government.

ITEM 10: Jon Stewart trashed Musk, saying, “He has a media empire that has the largest reach and most influence of anything on the face of the Earth and there’s no question he’s going to leverage it in this election. There’s a need in the marketplace for something less biased and toxic."

70% of the people who viewed the Musk-Trump talk were between the ages 25 and 34.

Wasn’t that the target audience of The Daily Show when Stewart joined it in 1998? Those kids would be between 51 and 60 today. Musk’s viewers are their children. Stewart wants them off his lawn.

ITEM 11: Charlie Kirk tweeted:

Stephen Colbert's audience ERUPTS into laughter when Colbert says to guest Kaitlin Collins that CNN is "objective" and "just reports the news."

COLLINS: "Is that supposed to be a laugh line?"

COLBERT: "No."

Hey, Colbert finally told a joke and didn’t know it.

ITEM 12: British bobbies search street for their manhood.

Walz says, “Let me know if you find mine too.”

ITEM 13: The Jeff Bezos Post said, “Robert F. Kennedy Jr. tried to meet with Kamala Harris to discuss Cabinet job.”

Dropping out of a presidential race just to get a cabinet post? Pete Buttigieg is shocked to learn such things are going on.

ITEM 14: Later, RFK Jr. tweeted, “VP Harris’s Democratic Party would be unrecognizable to my father and uncle and I cannot reconcile it with my values.”

Yes, those grapes are sour.

LIE OF THE WEEK: Simon Ateba tweeted:

Former Trump Chief of Staff John Kelly has come forward for the first time, years later, claiming that Donald Trump called American service members "suckers" and "losers," refused to visit their graves, and didn't want to be seen with amputee veterans. However, Trump has repeatedly denied these allegations, and others present that day, including John Bolton, who does not like Trump that much, have stated that Trump did not make such remarks.

President Trump with John Kelly.

President Trump without John Kelly.

ITEM 15: NYT reported, “Atop ABC, a Personal Connection to Kamala Harris.

“The candidate is a longtime friend of Dana Walden, a senior Disney executive whose portfolio includes ABC News, the host of the next debate. ABC says she does not weigh in on editorial decisions.”

The White House is Disney’s next acquisition.

ITEM 16: Politico reported, “Columbia president resigns in fallout from Israel-Hamas war protests.”

If you’re not really sure if she was from the House of Lords, she is. She has life peerage. Another oppressed woman of color.

TWEET OF THE WEEK: Liel Leibovitz tweeted:

Excited for the DNC Convention. If news reports are correct, the Palestinians are about to have the greatest impact on Democrat Party politics since Sirhan Sirhan.

Well, he is Palestinian.

ITEM 17: WGN reported, “Muslim leaders expect 100,000 pro-Palestinian demonstrators for DNC.”

From the river to the lake, they’re making a big mistake.

ITEM 18: Republicans Against Trump tweeted, “DailyMail.com has obtained a photo of JD Vance posing with three female classmates in a boys’ restroom during his senior year of high school in Ohio.”

Come on. They were in the boys’ room to get tampons.

ITEM 19: On Thursday, Kamala’s Campaign issued a press release on its opponent’s upcoming press conference, “Donald Trump to ramble incoherently and spread dangerous lies but at different home.”

AP then reported, “Trump blends falsehoods and exaggerations at rambling NJ press conference.”

When it is someone they like they call it a wide-ranging speech.

ITEM 20: Legal Insurrection reported, “Democrats Want Green Party Candidate Jill Stein Removed From Wisconsin Ballot.”

They removed RFK Jr. from the New York ballot and earlier tried to kick Trump off the ballot in several states.

And Michigan removed Cornel West.

So Ukraine got our money and we’re getting Ukraine’s ban on opposition parties.

ITEM 21: Newsweek reported there is a drop in registered voters: “However, Decision Desk HQ data shows a discrepancy in the drop in registered voters between the parties, with the Democrats losing 3.5 million registered voters nationally, while the Republicans have gained 141,000 registered voters.”

Don’t worry, Democrats. The joy from Kamala and the Tim Man will overcome this.

ITEM 22: Bryce Hall reported, “Chicago population hits lowest point since 1920.

“At the 1920 Census, Chicago’s population was 2.7 million, up over 516,000 in a decade. More than 100 years later, Chicago’s population is 2.66 million, a loss of 128,034 from nine straight years of decline.”

I knew there were a lot of shootings there but I did not realize the numbers were this high.

ITEM 23: The New York Post reported, “The Israeli military has touted that their forces have killed more than 17,000 Hamas operatives in the Gaza Strip since the war began, with U.S. officials saying the Jewish state has achieved the vast majority of its goals against the terrorists.”

Look for AP to report that those mean old Israelis made orphans of the children of 17,000 men who were just minding their own business.

ITEM 24: Sundance reported, “Details Surface — USSS Counter Snipers Did Not Stop Assassin Crooks, Butler SWAT Did — Also, FBI Quickly and Quietly Released Body for Cremation.”

Don’t fire them. Prosecute.

ITEM 25: UPI reported, “Secret Service will use bulletproof glass to protect Trump at outdoor rallies.”

So we know the next attempt won’t be at an outdoor rally.

Does bulletproof glass work on airplanes? Asking for a friend.

ITEM 26: And now for the latest poll numbers: 48%, 45%, 33% and 79%.

Nod to George Carlin.

ITEM 27: Now for the seven words you cannot say on social media:

Homo, tranny, lezzie, jihadist, retard, groomer and spaz.

ITEM 28: CNN reported, “Supreme Court rejects Biden administration’s request to enforce new civil rights protections for LGBTQ+ students.”

The ruling keeps boys out of the girls’ locker room. It’s tough translating from liberal gibberish into English.

ITEM 29: The Daily Caller reported, “A female Secret Service agent abandoned her post to breastfeed a child right before former President Trump’s North Carolina rally Wednesday, Real Clear Politics’ Susan Crabtree reported.”

Oh for the days when Obama was president and the only problem was Secret Service agents not paying their hookers.

ITEM 30: The Jeff Bezos Post reported, “When your opponent calls you ‘communist,’ maybe don’t propose price controls?”

Wow. The press is calling Kamala the C-word.