Is it Saturday already?
ITEM 1: SVB invested most of its depositors’ money in government bonds. Bad idea. A reader wrote, “Just a take from a retired bank examiner.
“SVB’s balance sheet as published in its 10-K is the worst I have seen in 40 years.
“Just because you have no credit risk does not mean you are safe. There is also LIQUIDITY risk (excuse me for shouting). SVB had three quarters of its liabilities coming redeemable on any given day.
“Bad enough for a bank with insured deposits. For a bank with almost all its deposits uninsured it was a bank run waiting to happen.”
But fear not. Governor Brylcreem Newsom’s ill-gotten and uninsured gains will be fully protected by the Biden administration.
ITEM 2: KOMO reported, “Crews removed contaminated soil from the Swinomish Reservation in Skagit County where two locomotives derailed and spilled an estimated 3,100 gallons of diesel fuel on a berm near a bay just after midnight Thursday.”
Yes, get rid of it before the EPA arrives and sets it on fire.
ITEM 3: Insider reported, “Elon Musk hints Starship rocket may explode on first orbital launch, predicting 50% chance of success and ‘guaranteeing excitement.’”
Marvin the Martian had the same problem.
ITEM 4: Fox reported, “Kamala Harris won't speak to Elizabeth Warren after ‘pretty insulting’ 2024 snub: report.”
Two perfect Democrats. One screwed Willie Brown to get into politics. The other lied about her race to get hired by Harvard.
ITEM 5: Zero Hedge reported, “Brigitte Macron, the First Lady of France, filed a complaint last year against two women who uploaded a YouTube video titled Brigitte Macron is a man. The video alleged that Brigitte had a gender reassignment at 18.”
As Austin Powers said, “Brigitte Macron is a man — maybe.”
ITEM 6: Florida Voice reported, “Sen. Blaise Ingoglia, R-Spring Hill, previously filed The Ultimate Cancel Act, which would immediately de-certify any political party that previously advocated for slavery in their party platform, including the Democrat Party.
“In response, Sen. Geraldine Thompson, D-Orlando, said in a press release she plans to file an amendment that would cancel any political party ‘that has worked to suppress voting, thereby maintaining the last vestiges of slavery.’”
Ingoglia responded, “I wholeheartedly agree with Sen. Thompson and I look forward to supporting this amendment in committee. As a matter of fact, I may even co-sponsor it.
“Under Democrat leadership, Florida instituted a poll tax in 1885 that would stay in place for over 50 years. The idea of poll taxes and literacy tests is abhorrent, and yet the Democrats have not only endorsed these ideas, they passed these laws and enforced these atrocities for decades. Another great reason the Florida Democrat Party should be canceled.”
I’d say he owned Thompson but considering the situation, that would be a poor choice of verbs.
ITEM 7: Yahoo reported, “The DeSantis administration stripped a major Miami hotel of its liquor license after hosting a Christmas-themed drag queen show in December with children present despite warnings.
“The Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation warned the Hyatt Regency Miami against hosting a ‘sexually explicit show with children present,’ but the hotel did anyway, according to a statement from Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ office.”
NBC canceled Miami Vice. Three decades later, the state of Florida follows suit.
ITEM 8: Breitbart reported, “Electric Car Manufacturers Remove AM Radios Claiming Safety Concerns.”
This won’t hurt talk radio. No conservative I know owns a Tesla.
ITEM 9: Mini-Mike’s wire service said, “BlackRock’s Fink Says SVB Failure Shows Cracks in Finance System.”
My 2-year-old grandson, Noah Surber, says the SVB failure shows cracks in the finance system.
But I love that BlackRock has a Fink. Other villainous companies just have a CEO. Not BlackRock. It has a CEO who also is a Fink.
ITEM 10: KTVU reported, “A Stanford University employee who claimed that she was raped twice on campus was charged with lying about the alleged sexual assaults, prosecutors said. Authorities unearthed alleged evidence showing that Jennifer Ann Gries made up the bogus accusations about a co-worker whom she also falsely claimed to be dating.”
The penalty for lying about a rape should be the same as the penalty for rape.
ITEM 11: Fox reported, “Biden admin buckles to environmental groups, makes sudden reversal on key land decision.”
They met his price. Buckling pays well.
ITEM 12: Defense One reported, “Pentagon Mobilized to Support Tech Startups After Bank Failure.
“The failure of Silicon Valley Bank presents the Defense Department with warnings—and opportunities.”
The generals and admirals must protect their future employers when they retire.
ITEM 13: Breitbart reported, “Conservatives and Republicans could, a new report suggests, cut off establishment media outlets’ access in the 2024 election cycle as GOP lawmakers and candidates look to alternative communication channels to tell their stories.
“The prospect of the establishment media’s precarious position was captured in a Tuesday article written by the Dispatch’s David Drucker in which he warned Republican lawmakers and candidates heading into the 2024 election cycle ‘could attempt to freeze out mainstream journalists,’ paralyzing television networks’ content creation and crushing their claims of political neutrality.”
Nelson Muntz said it best. Ha Ha.
ITEM 14: USA Today reported, “James Patterson: If Florida bans my books, ‘no kids under 12 should go to Marvel movies.’”
No one is banning his books. They just won’t lend them to elementary pupils. And yes, movies have age restrictions. Why not books?
I thank Patterson for outing himself as a perv.
ITEM 15: The New York Post reported, “Haters say my baby’s name sounds like a sex act — but I think it’s unique.”
The story said, “The blond then discloses the one name nearest and dearest to her heart, stating: ‘So the other name that I’ve had, has been on my list the longest. And that name is Augie.’
“Perhaps because of Smith’s Australian accent, many viewers mistook the name Augie for the word orgy and quickly commented beneath the clip.”
Hanna-Barbera has some explaining to do.
ITEM 16: Market Watch squealed, “Trump appointee in single-judge federal district in Texas could bar nationwide access to the abortifacient mifepristone.”
The media laughed when a Hawaiian judge blocked an executive order from President Trump. Payback is a female dog.
ITEM 17: The Daily Mail reported, “One of the progressive liberal politicians pushing for reparations in cash-strapped San Francisco also wanted to defund the police, and believes some Honduran fentanyl dealers are human trafficking victims who should be protected rather than prosecuted.
“Hillary Ronen is one of the 11 supervisors who will decide on a wide-eyed reparations plan for the city's black residents that would pay them each $5 million, promise them $97,000 salaries and wipe away personal debt.”
We all identify as black San Franciscans now.
ITEM 18: The Daily Mail also reported, “Hallie Biden received a cut of $3 million in cash from China sent through an associate of Hunter, according to Republicans who released information from subpoenaed bank records.
“Beau Biden’s widow was identified on Thursday as the third member of the first family wrapped up in Rep. James Comer’s investigation into allegations they used their names to profit on business deals around the world.
“In a memo seen by DailyMail.com, Hallie received $35,000 in two transfers in March from Biden family associate John ‘Rob’ Walker, after he received a $3 million wire from the Chinese State Energy HK Limited, a firm affiliated with CEFC China Energy.”
Correction: We all identify as black San Franciscans named Biden.
ITEM 19: The NBC version said, “House Oversight chair questions $1.3 million in payments to Hunter Biden and relatives.
“Rep. James Comer, R-Ky., said he had national security concerns about the payments to the president’s son, brother and daughter-in-law.”
If TV had been around in 1865, NBC would have said, “Republicans question a large popping sound heard inside Ford Theater last night.”
ITEM 20: The Washington Examiner reported, “House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) has moved into rare political space, reaching an approval rating higher than typical for a top party congressional leader and challenging former President Donald Trump’s approval among Republicans.
“With a 52% favorability overall and 71% among Republicans, McCarthy has erased whatever it was that some House conservatives didn’t like about him during the drawn-out, four-day, 15-ballot speaker election controversy in January.”
Best Speaker since Newt.
ITEM 21: Moneywise reported, “The IRS announced a proposed new tip reporting program, Service Industry Tip Compliance Agreement last month. It would be a voluntary tip reporting program between the IRS and employers in various service industries and could result in service workers seeing their tax liability go up.
The program is intended to improve gratuity reporting compliance and reduce the estimated $1.66 billion in annual unreported tip income. According to a 2018 study done by the Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration, an estimated 30% of employers with tip agreements under report earnings — amounting to tens of billions of tax dollars at stake.”
A government that gave Zelensky $100 billion and bailed out $200 billion in deposits made by billionaires and millionaires at Silicon Valley Bank is going after tip jars.
Beware kids. Money from the Tooth Fairy is next.
ITEM 22: NBC said, “Josh Hawley labels Silicon Valley Bank ‘too woke to fail.’
“Some Republicans have claimed the bank went down because it was too focused on woke policies. But the GOP senator insists those policies are actually the reason it was protected.”
Replace Mitch with Josh.
ITEM 23: Zero Hedge reported, “CME CEO Terry Duffy Says Employees Too Scared To Return To Office Due To Chicago's Crime Surge.”
It’s just as well. Biden’s recession will wipe out their jobs soon.
ITEM 24: AP reported, “Musk brought Internet to Brazil’s Amazon. Criminals love it.”
Yes, the Internet helped child pornographers, scam artists and stalkers — just like in the good old USA.
ITEM 25: CNBC reported, “Meta [nee Facebook] will lay off 10,000 more workers and incur restructuring costs ranging from $3 billion to $5 billion, the company announced Tuesday, with CEO Mark Zuckerberg warning economic instability could continue for many years.”
As Anita Bryant might say, a day without Trumpenfreude is a day without sunshine.
ITEM 26: Bloomberg reported on January 12, 2021, “Deutsche Bank, Signature Cutting Ties With Trump After Riots.”
You can never have too much Trumpenfreude.
FINALLY, Sunday marks the 20th anniversary of the Iraq War. Bryon York blistered it.
He wrote, “It's been two decades since, on March 19, 2003, United States forces invaded Iraq. President George W. Bush ordered the invasion to neutralize what he said was the threat of weapons of mass destruction posed by Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. Except, it turned out Saddam did not have WMDs. U.S. forces searched and searched and searched and never found them. In all, 4,586 American service members died in the war, and 32,455 were wounded.
“It was the largest military and national security blunder of anyone's lifetime, a mistake so enormous it beggared belief. In the years after, Bush wrote in his memoir, just thinking about it made him sick.”
Bush had overwhelming support going in. For those too young to remember, it was just like Ukraine except we are not sending troops because we know Putin has WMD.
York, though, is too harsh. The war did what we set out to do. Getting rid of Hussein ended his payments to Palestinian terrorists. Iraq got to govern itself. Fear of being next on Bush’s list ended WMD programs in Iran and Libya. Obama screwed that up.
Biden later screwed up Afghanistan.
The message to the military is clear: Win the war and watch the politicians give it away.
re: The poll:
I almost selected the topless female news readers but then I remembered it was CNN we were talking about.
I love seeing the highlight column being added back to the rotation, even if it's only on the weekend.