Highlights of the Week

Oh? What religion would that be? Amish? Quaker? Jehovah’s Witness?

ITEM 1: Citizen Free Press tweeted, “Founding member of Black Panther Party endorses President Trump.”

Orange Man is the new black.

ITEM 2: Hunter Biden’s trial began in Delaware.

The prosecutor should be on the Olympic swimming team because he is taking the biggest dive in history. He’s already rested his case.

ITEM 3: NBC reported, “Common sugar substitute linked to increased risk of heart attack and stroke.”

Come on, people, the covid vaccine is not a sweetener.

ITEM 4: CNN reported, “Dr Pepper just passed Pepsi as the second biggest soda brand.”

Last May, the National Legal and Policy Center reported, “PepsiCo Told to Diversify Its ‘Uniformly Woke’ Board of Directors.”

How do we know Dr Pepper is a man? He never had a period.

ITEM 5: The Sun reported, “Model Victoria Thomas-Bowen, 25, arrested for throwing McDonald’s milkshake over Nigel Farage shamelessly plugs her OnlyFans.”

Milkshake, milkshake, lemonade.

ITEM 6: Breitbart reported, “The United Methodist Church lost more than a million members in one fell swoop last week, with a large West African conference voting to leave the organization due to its acceptance of LGBT clergy and marriages.”

Methodists are catching up with Baptists on the number of different denominations they have.

ITEM 7: The Orlando Sentinel reported, “‘We’re not gonna barbecue our way out of this’: Wild pigs, conquering all Florida counties, are now taking over the U.S.”

(Grabs tongs.) Challenge accepted.

ITEM 8: CNN reported, “World’s best restaurant for 2024 revealed.”

Eat A Biden BBQ in Papua, New Guinea, once again did not make the list.

ITEM 9: Senator Joni Ernst on Biden said, “Bottom line, never trust a man whose uncle was eaten by cannibals.”

Bidens are the Other Other White Meat.

ITEM 10: The New York Post reported, “NJ Dems elect dead Rep. Donald Payne Jr. in House primary.”

Finally, an important bloc of Democrat voters will get one of their own in Congress.

ITEM 11: AP reported, “Months after Disney and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis ended their bitter legal fight, the two sides are poised to agree on a $17 billion deal that opens the door to a fifth major theme park at Walt Disney World.”

“Don’t say gay” won the day.

I mean, why were we talking about gay sex to 5-year-olds?

ITEM12: Democrat former Senator Claire McCaskill said, “What the Republicans want to do is allow everyone to buy guns everywhere without ever having to tell the federal government anything.”

Democrats are doing all they can to lose on November 5.

ITEM 13: UPI reported, “5 million doses of vaccine against H5N1 avian flu being prepared.”

Democrats see fake vaccines and fake mail-in votes as a winning combination.

ITEM 14: The New York Post reported, “During the pandemic, the American people started to feel that Big Government was very cozy with Big Pharma. Now we know just how close they were. New data from the National Institutes of Health reveals the agency and its scientists collected $710 million in royalties during the pandemic, from late 2021 through 2023.”

$710 million should buy them prison time and the loss of their pensions.

ITEM 15: Breitbart reported, “The Public Interest Legal Foundation is asking Clark County, Nevada, election officials to remove registrants from its voter rolls who are registered to vote at strip clubs, casinos, Harry Reid International Airport, smoke shops, gas stations, and other commercial businesses.”

Strip club? Take them off. Take them all off.

ITEM 16: Flashback to November 2, 2015, when USA Today reported, “President Obama said Monday he was directing federal agencies to ‘ban the box’ in their hiring decisions, prohibiting them from asking prospective government employees about their criminal histories on job applications.”

Thanks to Trump, Democrats have gone back to calling individuals with justice system involvement “convicted felons.”

ITEM 17: AP reported, “An investigator provided a New York jury a riveting account on Tuesday of an evening in Washington, D.C., in 2019 when an FBI surveillance team came across Sen. Bob Menendez and his girlfriend at a fancy restaurant.”

The FBI was totally not spying on a U.S. senator who beat them in court once already on charges of corruption. It just happened to be the guy at the next table.

ITEM 18: The Albuquerque Journal reported, “City Council votes 5-4 against changing immigrant-friendly ordinance.”

Bugs Bunny wasn’t the only one who made a huge mistake by making a left turn in Albuquerque.

ITEM 19: Viva Frei reported, “The tape of Trump allegedly using the N-word never appeared, did it?”

Bigfoot has it.

ITEM 20: RNC Research tweeted, “Top Biden campaign spokesman Adrienne Elrod: Biden is sharper than ever.”

My bowling ball is sharper than ever, too.

ITEM 21: Carol Roth tweeted, “I saw the new proposed Texas Stock Exchange referred to as Y’all Street.”

That works for me.

ITEM 22: Hot Air reported, “NJ Businesses Can Now Be State LGBTQ+ Certified.”

Oh, they are certified all right. Certifiably insane.

ITEM 23: Citizen Free Press tweeted, “Andrew McCabe claims certain FBI agents are worried about Trump throwing them in jail, and many are thinking of fleeing the country.”

I hear North Korea is nice this time of year.

ITEM 24: WaPo’s Jennifer Rubin screeched, “The MAGA crowd has moved from attempting to delegitimize an election to attempting to delegitimize the judicial system — from defaming election workers to defaming jurors. In keeping with other fascist movements, the MAGA cult attempts to undermine every institution and person resisting its authoritarian leader.”

She should take her complaint to the home owners association.

ITEM 25: The New York Post said, “Virginia now a battleground as Trump surges — and Biden’s failures drag Dems down.”

Breitbart reported, “Post-Conviction Polls Show Trump Tied in Virginia, up in Arizona, Nevada.”

Maybe I was 4 years too early on my 37 states prediction.

ITEM 26: The Truth About Guns reported, “Bear Killing Sparks Controversy Over Self-Defense Claims in Lake Tahoe.”

Davy Crockett kilt him a b’ar when he was only three. Liberals would have put him in jail.

And changed his sex.

ITEM 27: NBC reported, “Chennedy Carter has no regrets over foul against [flooring] Caitlin Clark.”

It’s not like she shot and killed her.

ITEM 28: Ars Technica reported, “Australia's safety regulator has ended a legal battle with X (formerly Twitter) after threatening approximately $500,000 daily fines for failing to remove 65 instances of a religiously motivated stabbing video from X globally.”

Oh? What religion would that be? Amish? Quaker? Jehovah’s Witness?

ITEM 29: Fox reported, “Boeing Starliner spacecraft experiencing helium leaks ahead of docking at space station.”

They noticed this when the astronauts began speaking in really, really high voices.

ITEM 30: A tranny won the Miss Maryland contest. That’s outrageous? How can he be eligible to be Miss Anything?

He’s married.

ITEM 31: Dominic Pino tweeted, “The United States of America just beat Pakistan in cricket.”

Bleacher Report called it, “Biggest upset in the sport’s history.”

Yes, they got Americans to care about cricket for a few hours.

ITEM 32: How dedicated to registering Republican voters is Scott Presler?

He went to prison to recruit future voters. If I am still alive when that dog walker runs for president, count me in. Otherwise, I’ll be voting Democrat, won’t I?

ITEM 33: Chelsea Handler said, “I had to remind him [50 Cent] that he is a black person so he can’t vote for Donald Trump.”

She also offered him sex in exchange for his vote. She’s 49. She should offer him a watermelon instead.

ITEM 34: Kane at Citizen Free Press tweeted, “If you count the $100 million from Miriam Adelson, and others, the Trump campaign has now raised close to $400 million in 6 days.”

Thank you, Judge Merchan.

ITEM 35: OSINTdefender reported, “The Cuban Ministry of Defense announced earlier today that 3 Russian Naval Vessels, possibly including the Yasen-Class Nuclear-Powered Cruise Missile Submarine, Kazan (K-561), will arrive in the Port of Havana next week for an Official Visit as well as to Kick-Off Exercises in the Caribbean. The other Russian Ships which are expected to Participate in the Visit are the Admiral Gorshkov, a Project 22350 Frigate alongside the Replenishment Oiler, Academic Pashin and the Deep-Sea Tugboat, Nikolay Chiker. The Cuban MoD has further stated that None of the Russian Vessels will be carrying Nuclear Weapons during their Visit or during the Exercises.”

The 1960s called. It wants its Cuban Missile Crisis back.

ITEM 36: Fix [Rig] the Court said, “Ahead of tomorrow’s expected release of the justices’ financial disclosure reports, Fix the Court today is unveiling a list of the gifts the justices have received over the years, and the numbers are staggering: in the last two decades (Jan. 2004-Dec. 2023), the justices have accepted 344 gifts valued at $2,993,036.”

20 years? Heck, FJB can collect that in a weekend in Rehoboth Beach.

ITEM 37: BBC reported, “The company behind a 3D-printed pod which can help carry out assisted suicide has said it is confident it could be used in Switzerland as early as next year.”

The government will tax you almost to death and then help you die.

ITEM 38: Hot Air reported, “FAFO: Briahna Joy Gray Canned After Rolling Eyes at Hostage Family Member in Rape Discussion.”

Gray is a black woman who is so oppressed that she has undergraduate and law degrees from Harvard. Well, now she is liberated from working for The Hill.

ITEM 39: The Reload reported, “Bank of America Walks Back Gun Lending Ban.”

God made men free. Sam Colt made them equal.

ITEM 40: The Truth About Guns reported, “Since 2020, the Number of New Gun Owners Equals the Entire Population of Florida.”

Debbie Downer said, “Since 2020, the Number of New Illegal Aliens Equals the Entire Population of Florida.”

ITEM 41: PJ Media reported, “Joe Biden Ruined Normandy Trip For Thousands Of Young Americans For A Cynical Photo Op.”

As a reader pointed out, Obama always said never underestimate FJB’s ability to F something up.

ITEM 42: The American Journal of Men’s Health did a study to find out if men buy guns to compensate for having a small dick.

It said (drumroll): “Our findings fail to support the psychosexual theory of gun ownership.”

But this was not based on any actual measurement. Coach Beulah Balbricker would have volunteered for the job.

ITEM 43: Hot Air reported, “On Jerusalem Day, Remember: The Temple Mount is Jewish.”

Its original name was Horowitz.