Highlights of the week

AP: "Legendary athlete, actor and millionaire: O.J. Simpson's murder trial lost him the American dream." Nicole Brown Simpson could not be reached for comment

ITEM 1: Business Insider reported, “U.S. Navy secretary says he was floored by a Pacific ally’s shipbuilding abilities amid American warship production woes.”

That would be South Korea.

It is amazing what you can get done without DEI.

ITEM 2: AP reported, “Judge refuses to dismiss Hunter Biden’s gun case, rejecting claim it’s politically motivated.”

Well, if anyone knows about using prosecution to get a political rival, it’s a Biden.

ITEM 3: Newsweek reported, “Russia Accidentally Sank Own Ship During Baltic Navy Drills.”

The Russian Navy is amazing. A few more like this and it will catch up with Ukraine in the number of Russian ships it sank. And Ukraine doesn’t even have a navy.

ITEM 4: Alec Stapp tweeted recent NYT headlines announcing Harvard, Yale, Brown and MIT will require test scores from student applicants again.

Now to get Harvard to require test scores from its college presidents.

ITEM 5: Citizen Free Press tweeted (with video), “If Ruben Gallego beats Kari Lake in senate race, he promises to end the Senate Filibuster rule and pack the Supreme Court.

“He also wants to outlaw the AR-15.”

By AR-15, he means every rifle in America.

No police protection for him.

ITEM 6: National Review is outraged that anyone wants the FBI to have a warrant to spy on Americans. It ran an editorial, “Trump’s FISA Attack Is Incoherent.”

Yes, what would the likes of Donald Trump (scoff) know about FISA?

I mean other that Obama used it to spy on him when he was running for president.

Forget Never Trump.

National Review now is NEVER FREEDOM.

ITEM 7: Resist the Mainstream reported, “Republican Iowa Governor Kim Reynolds signed a bill on Wednesday that allows state and local enforcement officials to arrest illegal immigrants who re-enter the U.S. and authorizes state courts to deport them.”

Now let police arrest them for rape and murder.

ITEM 8: Biz Pac Review reported, “A Donald Trump supporter who scored a hug from the former president when he visited an Atlanta Chick-fil-A explained why young black voters seem to be drawn to him while calling out media outlets that try to warp perceptions.”

Yo, Donald, there’s a Gino’s in Poca, West Virginia. Hint, hint.

ITEM 9: Politico cheered, “House finally passes surveillance bill after three stumbles.”

We have a Santa Claus government that sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake. Oh, and it takes credit for giving you gifts paid by someone else.

ITEM 10: Charlie Kirk tweeted, “Ron DeSantis tells donors at private weekend meeting that he plans to fundraise for Trump: report.”

A nickel here, a dime there. Maybe his kids can open a lemonade stand.

ITEM 11: National Review reported, “NHS Report Finds ‘Remarkably Weak Evidence’ to Support Medical Gender Transition for Minors.”

Spay and neuter your pets, not your kids.

ITEM 12: Evie reported, “J.K. Rowling Won't Forgive Daniel Radcliffe And Emma Watson For Their Stance On Transwomen.”

They denounced her.

Without Rowling, they would be extras in a Netflix remake of Gone With the Wind with Beyoncé as Scarlett O’Hara.

ITEM 13: The Hill reported, “USPS wants to hike stamp prices for 2nd time in 6 months.”

Does the post office have an installment plan for buying a stamp?

ITEM 14: The Epoch Times reported, “Judge Rejects Jack Smith’s Plea, Allowing Trump Co-Defendant to Submit FBI Transcript in Classified Docs Case.”

The story said, “Ahead of a hearing slated for Friday, Walt Nauta has been ordered to file his motions for a bill of particulars or to dismiss by Thursday. A bill of particulars is a detailed statement of charges; the co-defendant has argued that the prosecution hasn’t made clear what laws he violated.”

The Jack S looks like the fat fifth-grader who beat up second-graders and is now all grown up.

ITEM 15: Graham Allen reported, “The Biden administration took WEEKS to address the death of Laken Riley.

“Yet the Biden administration instantly sent their thoughts and prayers to OJ Simpson and his family.”

Well, what’s left of his family.

ITEM 16: OJ’s death had Norm Macdonald trending on Twitter. He lost his job at SNL for being too harsh on OJ who had friends among the NBC brass. People re-posted a few of Macdonald’s old OJ jokes.

While hosting the ESPYs in 1998, Macdonald said: “And there’s Charles Woodson! How about that? What a season he had. He became the first defensive player to win the Heisman Trophy. Congratulations, Charles, that is something that no one can ever take away from you.

“Unless you kill your wife and a waiter, in which case, all bets are off.”

SNL has not been funny since Macdonald left. You might say that OJ killed it, too.

ITEM 17: Macdonald’s spirit lives on.

Someone tweeted, “The headlines say he passed from a clear cut case of cancer.

“Hey, speaking of cases with clear cuts, he stabbed two people to death.”

ITEM 18: Reason magazine reported, “Indiana Court Rejects Claim That Driver’s Licenses Must Include Third Gender Option.”

I don’t know. I think three is just fine if they are listed as man, woman and retard.

ITEM 19: The Daily Mail reported, “Vegan Impossible burgers increase risk of diabetes and heart problems — new study finds you’re better off with REAL meat.”

I eat plant-based meat from a lab every day. Sometimes the lab is a cow. Sometimes the lab is a fish. Sometimes the lab is a chicken. Sometimes the lab is a pig. Old MacDonald had a lab. Yum, yum, yum, yum, oh!

ITEM 20: On March 18, the Advocate reported, “Planet Fitness bans member who photographed trans woman changing — and it’s not sorry.”

How’d that work out?

This week its Founder and former CEO Mike Grondahl said, “Planet Fitness was like another child for me. And I put my heart and soul into building that company and it's been pretty much destroyed in, ya know, it’s lost all respect within the country within the last couple weeks. There's no common sense standing behind this.”

Boycotters are demoting Planet Fitness to an asteroid.

ITEM 21: Fox said, “The View’s Sunny Hostin claims earthquake, cicadas, eclipse can be seen as signs of climate change.”

Many people mocked her. I don’t know about that.

In 2014, Bloomberg reported, “Climate Change Is Causing Dips in the Earth’s Gravity.”

In 2017, Scientific American reported, “Get Ready for More Volcanic Eruptions as the Planet Warms.”

In 2021, USA Today reported, “Climate change has shifted the Earth’s axis, new study suggests.”

Hostin is Einstein compared to those scientists.

ITEM 22: Axios complained, “President Biden used campaign donations to help pay his legal bills last year during the special counsel’s probe into his handling of classified documents, according to two people familiar with the matter and an Axios review of campaign finance records.”

Maybe Biden should have charged Chairman Xi more for his copies of the classified material to cover the legal fees if caught selling out the country.

ITEM 23: The Daily Mail reported, “The U.S. has moved more forces into the Middle East to prepare for what officials believe could be an imminent strike by Iran on Israel that could spark a full-scale war.”

Whose side will Biden take?

ITEM 24: WTTK’s Jared Rutecki tweeted, “The footage of Chicago police officers firing 96 shots at Dexter Reed following a traffic stop has caused outrage with the city’s Black community and led to demands for change — and accountability — for the police officers involved.”

Dexter Reed was held accountable for firing 11 shots first.

ITEM 25: KTLA reported, “Google announced Friday it would remove links to California news sites from its search results for some users as it continues to push back against a pending state bill that would require the company to pay publishers.”

It is like the Iran-Iraq War. I don’t care who wins as long as they keep fighting each other.

ITEM 26: Steven Hayward linked a tweet (scroll down) that calls for boycotting Krispy Kreme because it is owned by the “staunch Zionist” Reimann family.

The National Post reported, “Admitting its Nazi past, family that owns Krispy Kreme, Panera Bread donates $7.3 million to Holocaust survivors.”

ITEM 27: Zero Hedge reported, “20 Women Soccer Players Withdraw From League Over Transgender Players.”

They will take their lack of balls home and nobody gets to play.

ITEM 28: CNBC reported, “Apple doubles India iPhone production to $14 billion as it shifts from China: Report.”

Donald Trump’s plan is working.

ITEM 29: Joey Politano tweeted, “The share of all U.S. tech-industry jobs that are located in California has now fallen to some of the lowest levels in a decade, dropping a full percentage point over the last year alone.”

Gavin Newsom’s plan is working.

ITEM 30: BBC reported, “An ex-career diplomat who once served as U.S. ambassador to Bolivia has been sentenced to 15 years in prison for working as an agent for Cuba.

“Victor Manuel Rocha, 73, secretly passed information to the Cuban government for more than 40 years, according to prosecutors.”

Merrick Garland said Rocha’s crimes as “one of the highest-reaching and longest-lasting infiltrations of the U.S. government by a foreign agent” — not named Joe Biden.

ITEM 31: The Truth About Guns reported, “TOP MEN? U.S. Navy Deletes Tweet of USS McCain Captain Shooting Backwards Scoped AR.”

A fitting captain for a boat named McCain.

FINALLY, the Arizona Supreme Court upheld the state’s ban on abortion, which dates to 1864 when it was a territory. Reversing Roe sent abortion back to the states, where it belongs. Kari Lake gasped, spun 180 degrees and called for reinstating abortion.

In doing so, she aborted her campaign. She is one of the many, many Republican hacks who for decades would just string pro-lifers along. Now she finds herself hated by both sides.

I get that losing the Arizona Senate race won’t help Republicans take back the Senate but until such time as Republican senators show they are something better than opportunists who prey on conservative hopes, I really cannot care. I should. I want to. But nyah. They didn’t build the wall. They saddled Trump with deep state backstabbers. They jailed J6 protesters. They are letting a grandmother go to prison for praying in the Capitol.

Lake can go jump in the, well, lake.