Highlights of the week

Springtime for Hamas and Colleges. Goosestep's the new step today.

I prefer elephants over Uber drivers because they work for peanuts and carry extra trunk space.

ITEM 1: The Orlando Sentinel reported, “Astronauts arrive at Kennedy Space Center as 1st crew for Boeing’s Starliner spacecraft.”

It is set to launch at 10:34 PM on May 6, which means it will start losing parts midair at 10:35 PM.

ITEM 2: The Hill reported that Naomi Biden (scroll down) will attend tonight’s White House Correspondents Association dinner.

Some girls will do anything to avoid showering with Grandpa FJB.

ITEM 3: Petronella Wyatt of the Telegram wrote, “Feminism has left middle-aged women like me single, childless and depressed.”

Well, at least she KNOWS why the kids haven’t called.

ITEM 4: CNN reported, “U.S. fertility rate dropped to lowest in a century as births dipped in 2023.”

I blame nose rings, lip rings, face tattoos, piercings and purple hair.

ITEM 5: AP proclaimed, “USC cancels graduation ceremony and dozens are arrested on other campuses as anti-war protests grow.”

They are not anti-war. They just don’t like Israel winning it.

ITEM 6: Post Millennial reported, “Arizona’s Democratic Governor Katie Hobbs vetoed bipartisan legislation that would have strengthened property owner’s rights to evict squatters.”

It figures. Given how they rigged the election for her, she’s a squatter in the governor’s mansion.

ITEM 7: Last week: “Hush money trial could help Trump in 2024 presidential race.”

This week: “Arizona grand jury indicts Meadows, Giuliani, other Trump allies for 2020 election interference.”

I’m not saying Democrats have a death wish. I’m just saying if Charles Bronson were still around, they’d have him replace FJB on their ticket.

ITEM 8: Gateway Pundit reported, “DA Bragg’s Attorneys Make Fatal Error When Revealing Underlying Crime in ‘Hush Money’ Case — Trump Attorneys Must Move to Dismiss Now.”

If Alvin slept with his chipmunks like Fani Willis did with hers, they might do a better job.

ITEM 9: NYT threw in the towel and ran a column, “I Thought the Bragg Case Against Trump Was a Legal Embarrassment. Now I Think It’s a Historic Mistake.”

You can’t fix stupid, but New Yorkers did elect it.

ITEM 10: Just the News reported, “The House Judiciary Committee released a new report on Thursday which accuses Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg of pursuing a political prosecution against former President Donald Trump.”

Thank you, Congressional Chairman Obvious.

ITEM 11: Collin Rugg tweeted a video, “New: Seattle police shoot and kill a 67-year-old pedoph*le who showed up at a hotel to meet up with two girls, 7 and 11 years old.”

Time to play Hungry, Hungry Hippo with these dudes — and by hippo, I mean woodchipper.

ITEM 12: The New York Post reported, “Migrants swing bats, belts and even traffic cones at each other in wild brawl outside NYC hotel.”

Why did the cops stop them?

I like how the press calls them migrants, as if they are swallows flying back to Capistrano.

ITEM 13: Pradheep J. Shanker, M.D. tweeted, “First of my Jewish friends whose kid was going to go to Columbia this fall just changed their plans, now to go to Case Western.

“My guess is we will see a trend.”

It won’t just be Jews.

ITEM 14: KATV reported, “Cicadas are sounding off, with South Carolina residents calling the cops due to loud noise.”

You know darned well every one of those calls was made by a person who moved to the state from New Jersey.

ITEM 15: Kira Davis reported, “Teacher Fired for Refusing to Give Automatic Passing Grades Now Running For School Board.”

She sued the schools in Henry County, Georgia, and won. Maybe they had Didn’t Earn It lawyers.

ITEM 16: Not the Bee reported, “Report: One of the VP’s Secret Service agents attacked other agents at Joint Base Andrews on Monday and there are DEI concerns about his hiring.”

Collin Rugg elaborated and tweeted, “Agent Michelle Herczeg started acting erratically & hid behind a curtain while mumbling to herself according to a new report.

“She then threw menstrual pads at an agent and said he was going to need them before telling other agents they were all going to burn in hell and needed to listen to God.”

Eight years ago, the Didn’t Earn It diva filed a $1 million gender discrimination lawsuit against the city of Dallas in 2016 when she worked as a police officer. Her case was later dismissed.

Speaking of DEI, we must all protect Kamala not because she isn’t awful but just think of the moron FJB will pick to replace her.

ITEM 17: The Kamala of the Supreme Court tried to argue with a Trump lawyer when justices heard arguments about presidential immunity. She described a dystopian regime run amok if granted.

The lawyer said, “The regime you've described is the one we’ve operated under for over 234 years.”

Fact check: 231. FJB ended it on January 20, 2021.

ITEM 18: Justice Sotomayor said, “If the president decides that his rival is a corrupt person and he orders the military to assassinate him, is that within his official acts for which he can give immunity?”

She left out the asking-for-a-friend part.

ITEM 19: Politico reported, “Jack Smith’s odds of putting Trump on trial this year are sinking.”

The odds of trying Jack S. for malicious prosecution next year are increasing.

ITEM 20: Just the News reported, “Ford lost $132,000 on each electric vehicle it sold in the first quarter 2024.”

Here’s an idea on how to stop losing money on EVs: stop making them.

ITEM 21: Breitbart reported, “[Red] China’s Car Makers Readying to Flood the West with Cheap EVs.”

Either Chairman Xi didn’t get the memo or he has money to burn.

ITEM 22: Deadline reported, “New York’s highest court on Thursday overturned Harvey Weinstein’s 2020 conviction on felony sex crime charges, ordering a new trial.”

The story also said, “In a 4-3 ruling, the New York Court of Appeals flipped Weinstein’s conviction, stating the judge in charge of the trial ‘erroneously admitted testimony of uncharged, alleged prior sexual acts against persons other than the complainants of the underlying crimes.’”

Wow. Imagine that. A court in New York insisting the presumption of innocence still applies in the 21st century. How quaint.

ITEM 23: Collin Rugg tweeted a video, “New York union leader Bobby Bartels says most of his Union workers are Democrats but they are supporting Trump in 2024.”

No word from Jaymes on his endorsement.

ITEM 24: Bartels is with the Steamfitters Local 638 UA.

We need the leader of the Vote Counters Union.

ITEM 25: Gateway Pundit reported, “TGP Communications, the parent company of The Gateway Pundit, recently made the decision to seek protection under Chapter 11 of the United States Bankruptcy Code in the Southern District of Florida as a result of the progressive liberal lawfare attacks against our media outlet.”

Lawfare must end. Judges must stop the insipid attacks on freedom. Not only do they seek to bleed conservatives through legal fees but to disbar their lawyers.

Don’t expect the press to back him. They see the First Amendment as a threat to their dominance of news coverage.

ITEM 26: The Daily Mail reported, “Black Baltimore high school athletics director is charged with using AI to create fake racist rant he then blamed on white principal.”

The ex-AD is my candidate for this year’s Jussie Smollett Award.

ITEM 27: End Wokeness tweeted, “Tennessee legislature passes bill criminalizing adults who help minors receive gender-affirming care.”

Does the punishment include gender affirming the groomers?

ITEM 28: Red State reported, “On Thursday, the Federal Communications Commission, by a 3-2 vote, reinstated the Obama-era net neutrality rule. The 3-2 vote along partisan lines is a victory for Democrats, who have pushed for this type of regulation for the last two decades and say it’s necessary for consumer protection, fair competition and national security.”

If you build it, they will come — and regulate it to death.

ITEM 29: The New York Post reported:

An NYPD officer accused of punching an unruly man inside an Upper West Side Apple Store three years ago has been cleared of the charges, police union reps announced Thursday.

Manhattan prosecutors had charged Officer Salvatore Provenzano with third-degree assault for hitting the man while Provenzano was trying to remove him from the store at 1981 Broadway in a caught-on-camera clash in October 2021.

In a statement, PBA President Patrick Hendry said Provenzano was “simply doing his job” by protecting the public from a repeat offender — as the labor boss took a jab at Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg for even indicting him in the first place.

Manhattan’s DA is nothing to Bragg about.

ITEM 30: Bonchie at Red State reported, “Pro-Hamas Protest Leader Suggests Murdering Jews While Negotiating With Columbia Officials.”

Calling for killing Jews doesn’t bother Ivy League schools. Before World War II, the Ivys slapped quotas on Jewish students. That darned Holocaust messed that up. Hitler ruined it. But colleges stopped teaching about the Holocaust and that no longer is a problem.

ITEM 31: Via Jennifer Jacobs of Bloomberg, FJB went on the Howard Stern show.

Can a Jerry Springer appearance be far behind? Jerry’s dead? So’s FJB’s brain.

ITEM 32: Gallup reported that FJB “averaged 38.7% job approval during his recently completed 13th quarter in office, which began on Jan. 20 and ended April 19. None of the other nine presidents elected to their first term since Dwight Eisenhower had a lower 13th-quarter average than” FJB.

Jill told him he finally was an historic president.

At this point, Trump was at 46.8%.

ITEM 33: Breitbart said, “Pope Francis: Climate Change Deniers Are ‘Stupid.’”

He also said those who don’t believe the universe revolves around the Earth will be tried for heresy, just like Pope Urban VIII did with Galileo.

ITEM 34: SFGATE reported, “Adam Schiff's bags stolen from parked car in San Francisco.”

If you’re going to San Fran Cisco, be sure to keep your luggage in your hand.

Summertime, will be a riot there.

ITEM 35: The New York Post reported, “Harvard’s anti-Israel tent camp soaked by sprinklers, as heated protests pop up across the country.”

The geniuses did not know those metal thingies in the ground are sprinklers.

Shower power.

ITEM 36: Hamas-shielding AP reported, “Strict new EPA rules would force coal-fired power plants to capture emissions or shut down.”

I live in Poca, West Virginia, across the river from one. Sod off, FJB.

ITEM 37: CNN reported, “Southwest to stop service to 4 airports in wake of rising losses and more Boeing delivery problems.”

Why don’t they go around the country and pick up the parts they need that flew off Boeing airplanes?

ITEM 38: The Epoch Times reported, “20% of Retail Milk Samples Positive for Bird Flu.”

And ivermectin is just horse paste.

ITEM 39: The New York Post reported, “A planned anti-Israel encampment at the University of Washington was scrapped at the last minute because of a lack of diversity — following fierce backlash for not involving any Muslim, Palestinian or Arab students.”

The soy Nazis couldn’t find any Muslims, Palestinians or Arabs to join them. Maybe ISIS will send a few.

ITEM 40: CNN announced, “Poppy Harlow announces she will exit CNN after nearly two decades.”

The story said, “In 2022, then-CNN chief Chris Licht tapped Harlow to help relaunch the network’s flagship morning show.”

He tapped that? Hey, keep her sex life private.

ITEM 41: AP screamed, “Alabama lawmakers advance bill that could lead to prosecution of librarians.”

But librarians are not above the law. Distributing to minors is a crime. Exempting librarians, of all people, from obscenity laws is unAmerican.

Gender Queer not only contains porn pictures but they are graphic illustrations of children having sex. Someone should have been prosecuted years ago.

ITEM 42: The Jeff Bezos Post reported on a CNN poll.

It said, “Just 28% say a conviction would disqualify Trump from the presidency — double-digits less than those who say that of Trump’s three other indictments. And just 33% say he did something illegal. (Another 33% say his conduct was unethical but not illegal.)”

100% of the Constitution says a conviction does not disqualify him.

ITEM 43: NBC reported, “Kristi Noem defends her account of killing own dog in new book.”

He wouldn’t hunt, Her husband better watch his step.

ITEM 44: Jennifer Jacobs tweeted that the Wall Street Journal reported, “Biden administration is reversing course on its plan to ban menthol cigarettes, after the White House weighed the potential public-health benefits of banning minty smokes against the political risk of angering black voters in an election year.”

That’s a Kool way to win back the black vote. His back up plan for black votes was forgiving KFC loans.

How about trading blankets for Indian votes?