Highlights of the week

Bring back Hamburglar Jail because it taught kids about consequences.

ITEM 1: Rupert’s Wall Street Journal reported, “El Salvador, long whipsawed by gang violence that made it one of the world’s most dangerous countries, turned things around by jailing huge swaths of its population. The country once known for having the world’s highest murder rate now has the world’s highest incarceration rate—about double that of the U.S.

“Since March 2022, President Nayib Bukele’s government has implemented a campaign to arrest en masse suspected members of the MS-13 and 18th Street gangs that have long terrorized the impoverished Central American nation, blocking economic growth and stoking U.S.-bound migration.

“The strategy has helped lower homicides by 92% compared with 2015, giving Bukele the support of nine of every 10 Salvadorans, polls show. The number of Salvadorans illegally crossing the U.S.-Mexico border has dropped by 44%.”

Thank you, President Bukele, for making America safer. Too bad we cannot have Trump/Bukele 2024.

ITEM 2: CNBC reported, “Biden administration forgives $39 billion in student debt for more than 800,000 borrowers.”

This comes two weeks after the Supreme Court ordered him not to.

Biden is living Mussolini’s dream.

ITEM 3: Gateway Pundit reported, “‘Shame On You!’ — Rep. Troy Nehls DESTROYS Chris Wray Over Jan 6 — Catches Him in Lies on Child Pornography Cases — BATTERS HIM ON RAY EPPS!”

Yes, a good chewing out should do it. That is a small thing to endure when you get a pension and likely a book deal to reward your years of disloyalty to the country.

I’m talking about Wray, not Nehls.

I think.

ITEM 4: The Hill reported, “GOP presidential candidate Chris Christie defended FBI Director Christopher Wray as Wray testified before the House Judiciary Committee on Wednesday.”

Chris Christie, R-Deep State.

Is it possible to poll in negative numbers?

ITEM 5: CNBC reported, “Former Celsius CEO arrested, company agrees to pay $4.7 billion settlement.”

That’s $40.46 billion in Fahrenheit money.

ITEM 6: AP reported, “A former White House aide to President Donald Trump who became a prominent congressional witness against him and his allies in the wake of the Jan. 6 siege of the U.S. Capitol has a book deal. Cassidy Hutchinson’s Enough will be released Sept. 26 by Simon & Schuster.”

The book deal is a bribe to lie.

She already lied when she said Trump tried to grab the steering wheel of the presidential limo. It is an impossibility given the barrier between the driver and the passengers.

ITEM 7: The Independent reported, “‘Whistleblower’ who accused the Bidens of corruption is charged with arms trafficking and violating Iran sanctions.”

No book deal for him.

ITEM 8: NYT reported, “A Sea Otter Is Stealing Surfboards Near Santa Cruz, California.

“California wildlife officials are hoping to apprehend a 5-year-old sea otter, who has a knack for riding the waves after committing longboard larceny.”

I thought theft under $950 was legal in California.

ITEM 9: The Bezos Post reported, “President Biden on Thursday authorized the Pentagon to mobilize up to 3,000 military reservists for duty in Europe, signaling the toll that ongoing efforts to deter Russia and reassure NATO allies is taking on a force deployed across the continent since war erupted in Ukraine early last year.”

Why don’t we just send them 3,000 trannies? Call them the 101st Bitter Klingers.

Diversity, baby.

ITEM 10: Russian Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Maria Zakharova said, “The decision of the American president to send cluster bombs to the Ukrainian Nazis will make him complicit in the mining of the territory and he will fully share responsibility for the victims of the explosions, including Russian and Ukrainian children.

“On the other hand it seems to me that crimes against children have always been the favorite business of the Biden family.”

Ouch.

ITEM 11: The Drive reported, “Super ‘Gucci’ Alien Pistol In Use With Zelensky Security Detail.”

When you got 100 billion bucks in your pocket, you can afford Gucci anything. War pays better than comedy.

ITEM 12: The New York Post reported, “Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky tore into NATO leaders including President Biden on Tuesday for not extending membership to his war-torn country — introducing fresh diplomatic drama into the annual gathering of the military alliance’s leaders.”

Little man, little gratitude.

ITEM 13: The Independent reported, “Dylan Mulvaney leaves the US ‘to feel safe’ amid Bud Light backlash.”

Well, there goes Peru’s economy.

Can we send him to Beijing?

ITEM 14: AP reported, “For colleges and libraries seeking a boldfaced name for a guest lecturer, few come bigger than Sonia Sotomayor, the Supreme Court justice who rose from poverty in the Bronx to the nation’s highest court.

“She has benefited, too — from schools’ purchases of hundreds, sometimes thousands, of the books she has written over the years.

“Sotomayor’s staff has often prodded public institutions that have hosted the justice to buy her memoir or children’s books, works that have earned her at least $3.7 million since she joined the court in 2009.”

Jim Wright did the same thing. It cost him the House speakership. Timed right, her resignation could give conservative a seventh justice.

ITEM 15: Yahoo reported, “Matt Gaetz leads charge to let FISA expire, end illegal surveillance of US citizens.”

Why Trump didn’t kill FISA after Obama spied on him is a great mystery.

ITEM 16: CNBC reported, “Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin rocket engine explodes during testing.”

It’s actual science. First you learn how NOT to do things.

ITEM 17: The Sound of Freedom continues to do well at the box office. It is a movie about a man who rescues children from prostitution.

Rolling Stone hated it, writing child trafficking off as a QAnon conspiracy theory, but singer Jewel tweeted her support of the movie.

She said, “It saddens me that some media is trying to politicize this movie. This is not left or right. It’s about millions of kids being trafficked, and no matter what your faith or creed, we need to protect all the vulnerable kids rather than fight over philosophical differences.”

In 2015, she told The Hollywood Reporter, “I’ve had men hitting on me, sadly, since I was really young. At 8, I had men putting dimes in my hands saying, ‘Call me. It’d be so great to f— when you’re older.’ And just horrible stuff.”

That interview came when Hollywood praised Harvey Weinstein more than God.

By the way, how many trips to Epstein Island did Jann Wenner make?

ITEM 18: The Daily Wire reported, “This week, the California Assembly’s Public Safety Committee blocked a bill that would have made human trafficking of a minor a serious felony.”

What’s next? Reducing it to a traffic ticket? But California Democrats gotta protect Hollywood.

ITEM 19: The Daily Signal reported, “Heavily redacted documents from the National Security Agency tell at least part of the story of a final-month rush by the outgoing Obama administration to torpedo the incoming presidency of Donald Trump.

“The Daily Signal obtained 217 pages of documents from the NSA through a Freedom of Information Act request. The documents reveal that Obama administration officials, from Vice President Joe Biden down to several ambassadors and many officials in the Treasury and Energy departments, gained access to secret information about Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, President-elect Trump’s choice for national security adviser.”

That was the real insurrection.

Is there a statute of limitations on insurrection? Asking for a friend — and Obama’s lawyers.

ITEM 20: Kristina Killgrove reported, “Kentucky man finds over 700 Civil War-era coins buried in his cornfield.”

The cache is worth millions of dollars.

I was wondering where I left my coin collection.

ITEM 21: Daniel Greenfield reported, “When Judge Terry Doughty issued an injunction in Missouri v. Biden that banned the government from ‘specifically flagging content or posts on social-media platforms and/or forwarding such to social-media companies urging, encouraging, pressuring, or inducing in any manner for removal, deletion, suppression,’ all hell broke loose.

“Evelyn Douek, a Stanford law professor, formerly of the Knight First Amendment Institute, warned that preventing the government from colluding with corporations to censor citizens would have a ‘chilling effect on communication between the government and platforms.’”

I should hope so because there should be no such communication.

ITEM 22: RNC Research tweeted, “Biden has spent 353 days — 39.2% of his presidency — on vacation.”

So Republicans are saying his presidency could be 39.2% worse.

FJB needs to take more time off.

ITEM 23: Insider reported, “Ford's electric Mustang Mach-E is piling up on dealer lots as the automaker confronts an EV-inventory problem.”

How is a battery-operated toy a Mustang?

It doesn’t even look like a Mustang.

ITEM 24: Page Six reported, “Robert F. Kennedy Jr. press dinner explodes in war of words and farting.”

Never serve the press baked beans.

ITEM 25: The Bezos Washington Post reported, “Murdoch is realizing that he’s stuck with the monster he created.”

The monster yields a billion dollars a year in profits. Where do I get mine?

ITEM 26: NBC said, “Arizona Republican refers to Black Americans as ‘colored people’ in House floor debate.”

The protest from the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People will be lit.

ITEM 27: The Secret Service ended its investigation of whose cocaine was found in the White House without an arrest. Everyone assumes it is Hunter’s.

I am placing my money on someone in the Secret Service because with cocaine, the smeller really is the feller. Besides, the SS has a poor track record. Remember Whoregate?

ITEM 28: The Daily Mail said, “Snow White and the Seven... Politically-Correct Companions? First pictures of new live-action remake of Disney classic shows stand-in princess walking with diverse band of merry men and women after row over using dwarf actors.”

Only one of the dwarfs is short. Three are black. Snow White is Latino. But the villain remains white — and as a bonus, she’s Jewish!

ITEM 29: The Sun reported, “Doctors RE-ATTACH ‘decapitated’ boy’s head after 12-year-old struck in horror accident.”

The doctors are Israelis; the boy is Palestinian.

In the USA, doctors are castrating boys and lopping off the tits of teen girls.

ITEM 30: The Epoch Times reported, “As Bud Light and Budweiser continue to face a decline in sales amid a weeks-long boycott, data show that other Anheuser-Busch-owned beer brands are also taking a hit.

“Sales of Michelob Ultra fell by 4.3% in the week that ended on July 1, as compared with the previous year, and Busch Light took an 8.5% hit in sales, according to Bump Williams Consulting citing NielsenIQ data. Bud Light’s sales dropped 28.5% for the week ending July 1, or slightly worse than the 27.5% decline during the previous week, while Budweiser’s sales dropped 10.2%.”

Cindy McCain’s beer distributorship hardest hit.

Always end highlights on a happy note.