Highlights of the week

In 16 days, our long national nightmare finally ends and the Trump presidency resumes

Two polls today, no waiting.

ITEM 1: Clinton (a cop I follow on X) tweeted:

Jimmy Carter was asked once how he and his wife stayed so healthy. He said, “When we got married, we made a promise that when we argued, the loser had to run 5 miles. So, for 77 years, I ran 5 miles a day!”

Then he was asked, “So, how did Rosalyn stay so healthy?”

He said, “She followed me to make sure I actually ran it.”

Mom always said, if you cannot say something nice about a person, try harder.

ITEM 2: Fox reported, “ICE shuts down programs offering services to illegal immigrants, citing ‘immense’ costs.”

FJB turned ICE into a Welcome Wagon.

ITEM 3: General Mike Flynn tweeted:

How much more convincing do we need to demonstrate that our military is not a trained and ready force for WAR?

Our U.S. Navy has “insufficient gender experts?”

A gender expert is someone who does not recognize the existence of chromosomes.

ITEM 4: Jaryn Crouson reported, “The Ohio State University Pours Millions Into DEI, Hosts Federally Funded ‘Nonbinary’ Rock Climbing Program.”

Where do they find the nonbinary rocks to climb?

ITEM 5: Business Insider reported, “A European region is grappling with freezing temperatures in winter after Russian natural gas stopped flowing to Europe via Ukraine.”

Zelensky shut the pipeline down. It is his way of thanking Europe for its support.

ITEM 6: The California Globe reported, “Newsom is Banning Gas Cars, Gas Stoves, Gas Furnaces, Gas Water Heaters.”

It is Operation MCM—Make California Moldova.

ITEM 6: Glenn Reynolds wrote, “Merrick Garland corrupted the Justice Department with political persecutions.”

Eric Holder and Loretta Lynch would like a word with you, professor.

ITEM 8: Wide Awake Media tweeted:

Having been called a liar by Anthony Fauci for stating that “not one of the 72 vaccines mandated for children has ever been safety tested,” RFK Jr. sued Fauci.

After a year of legal stalling, Fauci’s lawyers finally admitted that RFK Jr. had been correct all along.

I used to snottily ask, where did RFK Jr. go to medical school? Now I want to know which one Fauci went to—and shut it down.

ITEM 9: Ken Cuccinelli II tweeted, “Last year, the top 30 H-1B visa employers laid off 84,556 people at the same time as they sought 34,414 new H1-B foreign workers. This includes firms such as Elon Musk’s Tesla.”

If you can get 34,414 workers to do the work of 84,556 people, why wouldn’t you?

But what do I know? I am 3rd generation on my mother’s side and go back to the 17th and 18th centuries on my father’s side—or as Vivek would call me slow, fat and lazy. Let me finish that donut for you.

ITEM 10: A Muslim plowed an F-150 into a crowd in New Orleans and came out shooting. The FBI immediately said it wasn’t an act of terrorism. Then it said he acted alone.

I await the Bureau to assure us that he was not on the government payroll—and that the attack was not coordinated with the man who blew up a Cybertruck in front of Trump Tower in Las Vegas the same night.

ITEM 11: AP reported, “FBI releases new video of a suspect planting a pipe bomb near DNC offices on eve of the Capitol riot.”

Right after two terrorist attacks, the FBI suddenly finds a new video. It’s as if the Bureau holds information until it wants to change subjects in the news.

ITEM 12: The Independent reported, “Cybertruck blast suspect was a ‘Rambo type’ who loved Trump, family says.”

So he loved Trump so much he wanted to blow up Trump’s skyscraper with Musk’s truck?

Makes about as much sense as killing yourself before you detonate the bomb.

Where was Hillary on New Year’s Eve?

ITEM 13: Nancy Pelosi posted a video of her on an airplane. She said, “Hi, it’s Nancy. I’m on my way to Washington to proudly represent the people of San Francisco in Congress. I’m honored to do so, to share our San Francisco values.”

San Francisco values? Look out for poop in the street and crazy people wielding hammers. DC, you have been warned.

ITEM 14: The Hill reported, “Shock poll: 41% of young voters find killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO acceptable.”

But they oppose executing his murderer.

I know how to get executions rolling again. Start calling serial killers fetuses.

ITEM 15: James Carville wrote, “Although the U.S. economy remains the strongest in the world, with GDP soaring and inflation subsiding, the American people did not settle for us being better than the rest or take that as good enough. Mr. Trump, for the first time in his political career, decisively won by seizing a swath of middle-class and low-income voters focused on the economy. Democrats have flat-out lost the economic narrative. The only path to electoral salvation is to take it back. Perception is everything in politics, and a lot of Americans perceive us as out to lunch on the economy—not feeling their pain, or else caring too much about other things instead.”

The economy is only a paper moon sailing over a government credit card, but it wouldn’t be make believe if you would borrow more.

Carville should go back to doing what he does best.

Nothing.

ITEM 16: Keely Brazil Covello reported, “South Dakota ranching couple indicted by Forest Service for fence in place since 1950.”

Thank goodness that U.S. Forest Service special agent Travis Lunders is there to protect taxpayers from a fence in the middle of nowhere.

Now send him to Afghanistan to recover the $8 billion in military equipment the Pentagon left behind.

ITEM 17: In Nort Spews, Ohio State turned the Rose Bowl into a duck hunt, defeating the Oregon Ducks 41-21.

The Redheaded Libertarian tweeted, “Will Howard thanked his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ after winning the Rose Bowl. He was then the only player on the team physically blocked from going on stage.”

Well, the quarterback is just a bit player in football.

ITEM 18: The Western Journal reported, “Biden Announces Major Award for Jan. 6 Committee Leaders Liz Cheney and Bennie Thompson.”

Yep.

It’s a major award.

ITEM 19: WLT Report reported, “Critics Blast Dungeons & Dragons For Implementing New ‘Woke’ Rules.”

The game has been around for 50 years. Maybe the new woke rules will lead to a player finally getting laid.

ITEM 20: Spectrum News reported, “Cleveland mayor says he intends to invoke ‘Modell Law’ to keep Browns owners from moving stadium.”

I quit rooting for the Browns when they dumped QB Baker Mayfield, but if Jimmy and Dee Haslam can move a stadium, I will slap a WIDE LOAD sign on the Mustang and be their escort car as they head to Brook Park.

ITEM 21: The Hill reported, “Mike Johnson clinches Speakership in stunning first ballot.”

Leave it to a Republican Congress to turn a routine vote into Abbott & Costello Meet the Marx Brothers for a Night at the Three Stooges.

ITEM 22: Elsewhere in the Capitol, new Senate Majority Leader John Thune laid out his agenda for the Senate.

Get re-elected, the same one it always is.

ITEM 23: Just the News reported, “Surgeon general calls for cancer-risk warning label on beverages with alcohol.”

This is from a quack who believes cloth masks stop viruses.

ITEM 24: Charlie Kirk tweeted with a video, “A jihadist killed and maimed dozens of innocent Americans in a hate-fueled rampage, and the CEO of Allstate thinks Americans watching the Sugar Bowl need a lecture from him on overcoming ‘an addiction to divisiveness and negativity?’ ”

You’re in terrorist hands with Allah State.

ITEM 25: Ahead of the coming Bird Flu pandemic panic, Governor Greg Abbott tweeted, “There will be NO mask mandate in Texas. Period.”

The Lone Ranger hardest hit.

ITEM 26: Bloomberg reported, Red “China Raises Salaries for Government Workers to Boost Spending.”

It’s the Drill Another Hole In The Boat To Drain The Water approach to economics.

ITEM 27: AP (Always Partisan) reported, “Judge sets Trump's sentencing in hush money case for Jan. 10, but signals no jail time.”

No jail time? That’s wishful thinking. The judge knows he’ll do jail time because the feds are coming after him and his daughter for laundering Democrat bribes.

ITEM 28: Benny Johnson tweeted, “Kamala just completely messed up the Pledge of Allegiance on the Senate floor.”

Give her a break because this was the pledge she was raised on.

FINALLY, Red State marked Friday’s anniversary of the Battle of Princeton, which followed the Christmas night crossing of the Delaware and victory in the Battle of Trenton.

The first day in the Battle of Princeton was brutal to both sides.

Red State reported, “Where Corwallis gave short shrift to dissent, the debate in Washington's council of war was much more vibrant. They held a DEI session, explored their white rage, and had a lively sexual harassment prevention session. Just kidding.

“There were two factions. One side counseled immediate retreat. Cornwallis was unaware of the sad condition of Washington’s right wing, and there was a palpable fear that it might collapse when the general engagement resumed in the morning. If the right wing collapsed, the entire American army would be pinned up against the Delaware River with no way out.

“The second faction wanted to stand and fight.”

It is easy to be in the second faction after the battle was won.