Highlights of the News

Being a "Palestinian" isn't a day at the beach — or is it?

ITEM 1: NBC reported, “Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine on Thursday called a special session for the state's Legislature to get President Joe Biden on the ballot this November, saying his patience has run out with his fellow Republicans who appear less than inclined to offer a legislative fix for a timing problem with the Democrat convention.”

Democrats refuse to obey the law but somehow Republicans are to blame.

DeWine is a reminder to pick up some shrimp at Captain D’s tonight.

ITEM 2: Biden sent condolences on the death of Iran’s president.

My thoughts and prayers are with the helicopter.

ITEM 3: Visegrád 24 tweeted, “Last night, Russia removed the light buoys delineating the border between Russia and Estonia in the Narva river.

“This happened after previous reports stating that Russia intends to unilaterally change its maritime borders with Finland and Estonia.”

Putin did this right after NATO ran out of ammo in Ukraine and Finland joined the group. Looks like we will see how good our DEI soldiers do in a war sooner rather than later.

ITEM 4: To replenish our arsenal, maybe we should ask the Taliban to give our armaments back.

Or maybe Israel can spare an iron dome or two or 32.

ITEM 5: BBC reported, “Ireland, Norway and Spain to recognize Palestinian state.”

From the river to the sea, no Rule 5 NATO protection for thee. (Ireland isn’t a member but screw them too.)

ITEM 6: The Washington Examiner reported, “The German parliament took a major step in bolstering its pro-pedophilia credentials by lowering the criminal liability for possession of child pornography.”

I am all for putting the pedo to the metal — the metal in the woodchipper.

ITEM 7: This week marked the 10th anniversary of Michael D. Brown’s suicide by cop.

Somewhere a prison cell is empty because he was denied the opportunity to fulfill his destiny.

ITEM 8: American Greatness reported, “FBI agents were authorized to use deadly force when they raided former President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence in August 2022 looking for classified documents, newly unsealed court documents revealed Tuesday.”

Merrick Garland said this was standard operating procedure. Who wrote that SOP? John Wilkes Booth?

ITEM 9: The Gladstone Institute said, “Nearly 70% of Gaza Aid from US-Built Pier Stolen.”

It isn’t stolen when it is a gift.

ITEM 10: PJ Media reported, “Megyn Kelly Brutally Fact Checks Bill Maher’s Left Wing Talking Points to His Face.”

He’s been on The View and other TV shows lately saying weird stuff (Biden is a cadaver) as he seeks to slake his thirst for headlines.

ITEM 11: BBC reported, “A beer named after Osama Bin Laden has sold out after going viral on social media.”

Relax, folks. The company will donate to a 9/11 charity £10 for each barrel sold.

If bin Laden had donated £10 for each airplane hijacked, he would still be alive today.

ITEM 12: I’m gonna start my own brewery for FJB Beer. It will be stale and flat, but it will make you forget her — and everyone else.

£10 for each keg sold will go to the government.

It’s the law.

ITEM 13: Scripps News reported, “Average age of vehicles operating in the U.S. hits record high of 12.6 years.”

They all seem to look the same and they come only in black or white.

Bring back planned obsolescence and Harley Earl.

The GIF of the car. I’ll take three years in that car over a life sentence in a mini SUV.

For readers who may have forgotten, this is my 14-year-old ride.

GT.

ITEM 14: The Daily Mail reported, “Jill Biden unveils the country star who will entertain Kenya [president] at her biggest state dinner yet.”

Kenya. So Obama’s going to visit the White House. Hey, he’s the one who said he was born in Kenya.

(I wrote that joke on Wednesday afternoon. I will be darned, but the turnip Obama didn’t turn up. So now my new joke is I inherit a million bucks next week.)

ITEM 15: Ann Coulter wrote, “If there’s the remotest possibility that Trump could win, he ought to pick Sen. J.D. Vance of Ohio [as VP]. The two complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses, as running mates should. Vance is smart, Trump is not. Vance is not exciting, Trump is too exciting; Trump is from Florida, Vance is not.”

Vance would be a good choice because he shows loyalty and he's not in politics for the money.

Downside, Ann Coulter likes him.

ITEM 16: Genevieve Gluck reported, “Transgender ‘MAP’ Activist Connected to Pro-Pedophile Group Influencing Academic Research.”

Good. Export the pedos to Germany. Methinks Muslims already are.

ITEM 17: The Daily Mail reported, “13 conservative counties in Oregon approve ballot measures for secession vote that would see them join non-woke Idaho — as they issue list of demands.”

13 counties. That’s no small potatoes.

ITEM 18: Nigel Farage announced he won’t be a candidate in the British elections this year because he’s 60 years old.

That is equal to 90 in American years.

ITEM 19: NYT reported Justice Alito has flags on his flagpoles. None of them are a gay pride flag.

Good thing he did not do that in New York because he would face a 34-count indictment.

ITEM 20: One of them is the Appeal to Heaven flag, which was used by the fledgling Navy in the Revolutionary War.

AP said, “The ‘Appeal to Heaven’ flag evolves from Revolutionary War symbol to banner of the far right.”

Every American flag is a banner of the far right because we’re patriotic and love America.

ITEM 21: Vox fumed, “The Supreme Court’s new voting rights decision is a love letter to gerrymandering.”

It should be. The Constitution makes clear that states district, not federal judges. The 14th Amendment outlaws racism rendering the 1965 voting act unconstitutional.

ITEM 22: Cat Ballou (Jane Fonda) announced a pussy boycott to end climate change.

That explains why climate change ended in 2007 when she turned 70.

ITEM 23: Politico reported, “Chuck Schumer’s second attempt to advance a sweeping border package failed by a wider margin than the first time, with increased opposition among both Republicans and Democrats.”

A few more votes and even Schumer will vote against his bill.

ITEM 24: The Washington Times reported Thursday morning, “Ocasio-Cortez: ‘God is good’ for bad weather ahead of Trump rally in the Bronx.”

He is. The skies cleared and Trump rallied. 25,000 showed up for a venue fitted for 3,500.

ITEM 25: Roger Kimball wrote, “Trump’s bumper Bronx rally is a bad omen for Biden: He promised to return to New York and sort out the anarchy.”

DJT is a salesman. He keeps coming back and making a pitch. He has a good product. We shall see if he closes the deal.

ITEM 26: The College Fix reported, “University of North Carolina board repeals DEI mandates for all 17 campuses, DEI jobs on chopping block.”

Maybe they can get jobs at Media Matters for America.

Maybe not.

ITEM 27: A year ago, Bao Ong of the Houston Chronicle reported, “Cracker Barrel faces calls for boycott after announcing support for Pride month.”

Oh those nutty social conservatives.

On Friday, USA Today reported, “Cracker Barrel stock plummets after CEO says chain isn’t as relevant, must revitalize.”

It turns out, the rainbow people don’t like rocking chairs. Maybe Cracker Barrel can become relative by offering Bud Light and holding Drag Queen Sleepovers for children.

ITEM 28: NYT said, “Trump’s V.P. Pageant Has an Unexpectedly Strong Contender: Tom Cotton.”

Alternative headline: Lawfare has broke Trump because he may turn to Cotton-picking.

FINALLY, we celebrate Memorial Day on Monday. The youngest Vietnam War veterans are just shy of 70.

Of course, 58,276 of those who served will never age.