Highlights of the week
ITEM 1: Benny Johnson tweeted with video, “The Trump effect. Roads heading to Mexico are JAM PACKED as mass deportations have started taking place in cities across the country.”
Press 1 for English will soon be as common as a rotary dial.
ITEM 2: Senator John Kennedy to Russ Vought, OMB nominee, “You’re going to be challenging the status quo. You’re going to be called crazy. Many people also called Noah crazy. And then the rains came, and all the fact checkers died.”
His comment got a flood of likes on Twitter.
ITEM 3: NBC reported, “Mississippi lawmaker introduces Contraception Begins at Erection Act.”
The Democrat confuses masturbation with coitus. To be fair, most male Democrats may not have experienced the latter.
ITEM 4: Trump told Sean Hannity, “People are learning that Democrats can’t govern, policies are terrible. People don’t want a woman to get pummeled by a man in boxing. They don’t want a child to leave home as a boy and come back as a girl.”
The Biden Presidency will be known as the Great Lunacy.
ITEM 5: Tara Bull asked, “Would you support sending Fauci to Russia in exchange for ending the war in Ukraine?”
I’d support sending him in exchange for a wad of pocket lint.
ITEM 6: Bibi shook hands with Hitler this week.
Or shall I say this week’s Hitler?
ITEM 7: The Daily Beast reported, “CNN Boss Warns Star Hosts to Avoid Trashing Trump’s Record.”
No longer is it about ratings. It is about survival. This time, he’s got feds and he knows how to use them.
ITEM 8: The U.S. Sun reported, “ ‘Gulf of America’ already appears in US docs & woke diversity offices shut TODAY as Trump’s ‘shock & awe’ orders kick in.”
Still trying to line this new name up with everyone’s favorite Johnny Horton song. How about this?
We fired our guns and the British kept a-comin’
There wasn’t as many as there was last time. Hah!
We fired once more and they began to runnin’
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of America
Signüll tweeted we should name it Sea Señor. That’s better. Rhymes with before.
ITEM 9: It snowed heavily in New Orleans, Pensacola and other towns along the Gulf of America. Trump solved global warming in two days.
I trust everyone took my advice on driving in the snow: Don’t.
ITEM 10: AP complained, “Migrant families separated under Trump still feel the fallout and they fear his return to office.”
If they truly are migrants, they go back home every year like the swallows in Capistrano or the buzzards of Hinckley Lake.
ITEM 11: Rasmussen Reports tweeted on Thursday, “Trump single overnight presidential job approval: Approval 59, Disapproval 40.”
Nicest thing about the numbers is no one is polling about Kamala’s approval.
ITEM 12: NBC reported, “The California mom who pleaded guilty to running an organized retail crime ring that stole millions of dollars in beauty products from Ulta Beauty and Sephora to resell on Amazon will now have to pay those retailers back as part of her sentence.’
She was just trying to feed her family.
The story also said, “As part of the deal, Mack, 54, forfeited her 4,500-square-foot mansion in Bonsall, California, which was sold in December for $2.35 million, property records show.’
Lock her up.
“The election proved that democracy is pretty far down on people’s priority list.”
—Barack Obama
ITEM 13: Politico reported, “A group of 12 Democratic senators, led by Sen. Mark Kelly of Arizona, asked Majority Leader John Thune Wednesday to pursue bipartisan immigration-related legislation instead of the party-line approach Republicans are currently planning for.”
It should be as bipartisan as Obamacare was.
ITEM 14: The Times of London reported, “A literary agency launched with the aim of bringing diversity to the publishing industry has closed after swallowing more than £1.3 million of public money in seven years.”
So this cat got a quarter-million bucks a year for being brown, on top of whatever cut of the royalties he earned. Non-white privilege, baby.
BIPOC is still hot in America. If I ever write a novel it will be under the pseudonym of Jerry Mungo.
ITEM 15: PJ Media reported, “The List of Movies That Biden Screened at the White House Is Beyond Disturbing.”
Included is the Castration Movie. PJ said, “the plot of the movie is that ‘a transsexual sex worker wants to have a child and faces obstacles at every turn,’ and it has a run time of 4 hours and 35 minutes.”
When he wasn’t sniffing children, he was watching tranny porn.
ITEM 16: Collin Rugg tweeted, “President Trump has terminated Dr. Fauci’s security deal, says he has made a lot of money so he can pay for it himself.”
No problem. He should just put on a cloth mask. That should stop any bullet. Maybe Pfizer will come up with a vaccine.
ITEM 17: The Hill reported, “A federal judge on Friday barred Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes and seven other members of the right-wing extremist group from entering Washington, D.C., without the court’s permission, days after President Trump commuted their sentences as part of sweeping clemency for those charged in the Jan. 6, 2021, Capitol attack.”
Banishment. How 14th century. We have a federal judge who thinks clemency is a just song gold prospectors sang in 1849.
Oh my darling. Oh my darling. Oh my darling, Clemency.
ITEM 18: AP screamed, “Wall of ice the size of Rhode Island heading toward penguin-packed island off Antarctica.”
What will Pittsburgh do if the Penguins lose their home?
ITEM 19: Congressman Tony Gonzales tweeted on Friday, “Early this morning the Department of Defense assisted ICE with deporting 80 Guatemalan nationals from Biggs Army Airfield in my district. #TX23 has been ground zero for the border crisis and will be ground zero for DEPORTATION operations. In 4 days President Trump has done more to protect our country than Biden did in 4 years.”
Welcome home, MS-13.
WEEKEND WEATHER:
Iguana be cold.
Iguanas, Florida’s snow.
ITEM 20: Collin Rugg tweeted, “The United States Marines have arrived at the Southern Border to help stop the illegal immigrant invasion.”
From the Halls of San Diego to the Shores of El Paso.
ITEM 21: Insurrection Barbie tweeted, “Reporter explains that during the Biden years when he was at the White House there was never a Marine in front of the Oval Office but now there is constantly a Marine in front of the oval office.
“When there is a Marine in front of the Oval Office, that means the president is in there.”
Marines are gonna have to work double shifts to keep up with The Donald.
ITEM 22: CNBC reported, “President Donald Trump on Friday said he plans to take executive action to overhaul—or possibly end—the Federal Emergency Management Agency, or FEMA, slamming the agency for its response to historic floods in North Carolina.”
End FEMA? But who will be around to ignore those with Trump signs in their yards?
ITEM 23: Benny Johnson tweeted, “The Biden admin neglected North Carolina hurricane victims, leaving them to sleep in the snow with just a $750 check while billions were sent to Ukraine.
“2 days in, Trump is moving victims into fully furnished apartments.”
North Carolina should have bought some Hunter paintings.
ITEM 24: Trump visited NC on Friday. Matt Van Swol tweeted, “I don't want to hear EVER AGAIN that the Democrats care about working people. President Trump just gave the people of Western North Carolina a giant microphone to tell their stories.
“He hugged them. He listened to them. He asked questions.
“BIDEN IGNORED US FOR 4 MONTHS!”
Yea, but Trump made them wait 4 whole days to get there. Too busy partying on Inauguration Day.
ITEM 25: Reuters reported, “South Korea’s birthrate set to rise for the first time in nine years.”
My son and daughter-in-law did their part last year, and my granddaughter is a QT. Her brother is 4 and just as cute.
ITEM 26: Forbes reported, “Ringo Starr Charts The First No. 1 Album Of His Solo Career.”
It don’t come easy but that young man has a bright future. Do you know a band that needs a drummer?
ITEM 27: Trump visited LA on Friday to look at the ashes of 20,000 homes and businesses. Collin Rugg tweeted, “President Trump completely shuts up Democrat congressman Brad Sherman after he tried defending FEMA, gets a loud round of applause.”
Trump said, “You know who came in and fixed North Carolina or in the process? Other states, people from all over the country came.”
Hooray for the Amish and the coal miners. Talk is cheap. Hammers and bulldozers get things done.
ITEM 28: The Senate confirmed Pete Hegseth as defense secretary. JD Vance had to break the tie.
Republicans stick together like Teflon.
ITEM 29: Reuters reported, “Trump administration withdraws FDA plan to ban menthol cigarettes.’
That’s Kool.
ITEM 30: The New York Post reported, “Harvard University-affiliated astronomers announced the discovery of a new asteroid zooming precariously close to Earth—only to learn it was actually a Tesla sports car launched by Elon Musk as a publicity stunt seven years ago, scientists said Friday.”
In other news, today’s horoscope says the moon is in the Seventh House and Tesla aligns with Mars. Peace will guide the planets and Elon Musk will steer the stars.
FINALLY, Grok, tell me the gospel in one sentence.
Grok: “The gospel, in essence, is that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, died for our sins, was buried, and rose again on the third day, offering salvation and eternal life to all who believe in Him.”
This has got to stop. I can't get anything done anymore watching (and quietly cheering about) everything that Trump does/says which is then followed by all the DemoCommies wailing about it.
“The election proved that democracy is pretty far down on people’s priority list.”
Not as far down as you are Hussein, you limp-wrist maggot.