Saturday morning cartoons, DC style

I really enjoyed writing last Saturday’s column, “The Wit and Wisdom of John Kennedy, R-La.” Readers did too. One hipped me to the Times-Picayune’s “Who said it: Sen. John Kennedy or Foghorn Leghorn?” quiz.

Alas, the quiz disappeared down the Internet memory hole, but Boing Boing saved four who-said-it questions:

1. “She has a billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth.”

2. “He's tough as a boiled owl.”

3. “He’s a hard dog to keep on the porch. He’s not a porch dog; he’s a running dog. He likes to do things his way.”

4. “I’m not just talking to hear my head roar.”

Kennedy said the first three about (in order) Nancy Pelosi, Mitch McConnell and President Trump. The last one was all Foghorn. Yep, the senator is the rooster.

That got me to thinking. Who are some of the other Looney Tunes cartoon characters in that Loony Bin we call Washington?

Adam Schiff’s doppelganger is Marvin the Martian, the weirdo who wanted to blow up Earth to get a better view of Venus. Schiff is the weirdo who wants to blow up Trump to give Red China a better hold on America.

OK, blowing up the world were not his actual words. It “was meant to be at least part in parody.” But Adam the Martian is like a human weather balloon when it comes to spying for Red China.

Joe Biden is Pepé Le Pew because he stinks and he is always pestering females. But unlike Biden, Pepé sniffs only cats, not kittens.

Pepé said to Penelope Pussycat, “I am the peanut butter. You are the jelly. Come, let us make a sandwich of love.”

Biden said to a 10-year-old girl, “I'll bet you're as bright as you are good-looking.”

The other difference is the cartoon skunk was punished.

Deadline reported on March 7, 2021, “With the Looney Tunes French skunk besieged by controversy in the wake of New York Times columnist Charles M. Blow slamming that the cartoon character ‘added to rape culture,’ Deadline has learned that a hybrid live-action animation scene between Jane the Virgin actress Greice Santo and Pepé Le Pew, shot back in June 2019 for Space Jam 2 was left on the cutting room floor.”

Unlike Biden, President Trump has no problem attracting beautiful women. Some people think of him as Superman but while Trump does have some of those powers, he is not from another planet. He was born in the good old U.S.A. on Flag Day 1946.

There is only one cartoon character he can be. Bugs Bunny, the chairman of the board. Looney Tunes revolves around him. He replaced Porky Pig (aka Jerry Nadler) as the studio’s big star. I think Bugs passed Porky by when he mocked Porky for saying, “Please clap.” Or maybe that was what The Donald did to Jeb Bush.

Both Bugs and Trump are funny. Both foil their foes. Both love their country. But Trump never did opera. The only song he knows is Green Acres.

But otherwise he is Bugs. The media is Wile E. Coyote, one of his many, many nemeses. Over the years the media has shopped at Acme (also known as Hamilton 68) and purchased many fine products such as the

• Acme Russian Collusion dossier

• Acme Trump Hotel emoluments disintegrator

• Acme Porn Star pussy grabber

• Acme Hurricane-gate sharpie

None of these items worked and they all backfired. Each time, the media wound up popping their paper umbrellas in a futile effort to stop the boulder from landing on their heads. But the media keeps going back and asking for more.

Rest assured that while Wile E. Coyote usually took on the Road Runner, he went a round or two against Bugs. It did not go well. (Click photo.)

Like Bugs, Trump takes them all on.

There is Gossamer, aka Chuck Schumer.

There is Witch Hazel, aka Nancy Pelosi.

There is the Tasmanian Devil, aka “President” Eric Swalwell.

He received no votes but Fang Fang would have voted for him if Red Chinese honeypots could vote.

There is Yosemite Sam, aka Michael Avenatti.

I am not saying Avenatti is a slow writer, but it will be two more years before he finishes his sentence.

There is Elmer Fudd, aka Hillary Clinton.

Finally, there is Daffy Duck, aka Barack Obama.

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