Highlights of the week
ITEM 1: Steve McGuire tweeted, “North Carolina public universities have closed their DEI offices, eliminated 59 DEI positions, and saved $17,118,889, according to a new report.”
The 14th Amendment fights discrimination — and it saves you money!
ITEM 2: NBC reported, “Congress to get beefed-up security for electoral vote certification on Jan. 6.”
Can’t secure our border from MS-13 and Venezuelan gangs but they will make sure no guy in a buffalo helmet enters the Capitol again.
ITEM 3: The Sun Chronicle reported, “The Dighton-Rehoboth Regional High School field hockey team has forfeited a planned Sept. 17 game against Somerset-Berkley, citing its new policy allowing players and/or coaches to opt out of competitions if the opposing team includes a member of the opposite sex.”
Trannies are, um, dragging girls’ sports into the gutter.
And by gutter, I mean emergency rooms.
ITEM 4: Collin Rugg tweeted, “Jon Bon Jovi saved a woman from jumping off a bridge in Nashville, Tennessee while filming a music video.”
He said, “Take my hand and we’ll make it, I swear. Whoa oh, livin’ on a prayer.”
ITEM 5: The New York Post reported, “5 in 6 Wisconsinites who don’t believe in God back Kamala Harris in new battleground poll.”
Choosy atheists choose Kamala.
(Those polled were likely voters.)
ITEM 6: Gerrard Kaonga reported, “Tourist who dropped Cheetos in largest US cave could trigger ‘world-changing’ chaos, parks service warns.”
But the guardrails and trail the parks service installed in the cave are perfectly harmless.
ITEM 7: Time said, “The original version of this story mischaracterized as false Donald Trump’s statement accusing Kamala Harris of supporting ‘transgender operations on illegal aliens in prison.’ As a presidential candidate in 2019, Harris filled out a questionnaire saying she supported taxpayer-funded gender transition treatment for detained immigrants.”
The correction was at the bottom of a long story that said Trump lost the debate. Well, at least they corrected it before the election.
ITEM 8: This item is sponsored by Kleenex.
ITEM 9: DC Draino tweeted, “Florida Department of Health says nobody should get the new mRNA Covid vaccines this winter
“Urges people to use therapeutic alternatives.
“Pfizer isn’t going to like this!”
I think we found Fauci’s replacement at Florida’s health department.
ITEM 10: Taylor Swift endorsed the VP for president.
Then she fed a Haitian refugee family. What a sweetheart.
ITEM 11: Social media star Greg tweeted, “Since Trump said he’s not doing any more debates I think Elon Musk and Taylor Swift should do a debate.”
Nope. A Britanny Mahomes-Taylor Swift would be such a catfight that Haitians would drool.
ITEM 12: Collin Rugg tweeted, “Ohio duck rescuer of 10 years says she believes the geese eating rumors are true, says bird disappearances in the Springfield area are skyrocketing.
“During an interview with the Daily Mail, duck expert Lisa Montgomery discussed her serious concerns.”
Memes by randos on Twitter have more credibility than the AP.
ITEM 13: Desi Sanatani tweeted, “A widow of a firefighter that lost his life in 9/11 has one message for Joe Biden: ‘The elected officials here today show their respect and reverence to the families on September 11th — or, in our president’s words, Do 9/11. Quite a flippant remark.’
On 9/11, Americans honor the victims, their families and their friends — and curse a government that used it as an excuse to start a new bureaucracy and two wars.
ITEM 14: Dom Lucre tweeted, “Kamala Harris appears to be incoherent during her speech in front of hundreds of bused attendees.”
Incoherent? Try high.
With FJB, there is no one to answer The Call after 4 PM. With FKH, it moves to 4:20.
ITEM 15: Dylan Wells tweeted, “More chants of ‘we’re not eating cats’ at Walz’s Grand Rapids rally.”
If you don't eat your cats, you can’t have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your cats?
ITEM 16: Tampon Tim said Kamala started as a “young prostituter.”
Why is he bringing up Willie Brown?
ITEM 17: Democrat Sen. Richard Blumenthal said, “I think the American people are going to be shocked, astonished & appalled by what we will report to them about the failures by the Secret Service in this assassination attempt on the former President.”
The Democrat Party is really united behind the Bong Lady — 50% of the way. (Joke stolen from Bob Hope.)
ITEM 18: NYT reported, “Boeing is facing a strike that threatens to disrupt plane production, after workers overwhelmingly voted to reject a tentative contract their unions had reached with the company.”
Suddenly the skies are safer.
ITEM 19: Polish Member of the European Parliament Grzegorz Braun on Antony Blinken visiting Poland: “Blinken, go home as soon as possible. Get lost! We don’t want you here. We don’t want Polish people paying and dying for your wars.”
But Winken and Nod are free to stay.
ITEM 20: Trump said he will end all taxes on overtime pay: “The people who work overtime are among the hardest working citizens in our country & for too long, no one in Washington has been looking out for them.”
But if he ends the tax, how will we punish hard work and initiative?
ITEM 21: The News Tribune reported, “Bear attacks woman walking dogs, Washington officials say. Then wrong bear is killed.”
Well, all bears look alike, don’t they?
ITEM 22: The Daily Mail reported, “Springfield residents turn on John Legend after Ohio town’s most famous son urges them to embrace 15,000 Haitian migrants from comfort of his Beverly Hills mansion.”
Sure. HIS cats are safe.
Meanwhile, FJB is doing his part to save the cats.
ITEM 23: The New York Post reported, “NYPD Commissioner Edward Caban resigns — a week after federal raids: ‘For the good of this city.’ ”
A nice investigation by the FBI. They get the goods on a politician’s henchmen and when he goes astray, they bust the henchmen.
ITEM 24: The Daily Fetched reported, “Muslim Politician Resigns after Using Jesus and Virgin Mary for Target Practice.”
Oh, don’t cancel her. In the name of multicultural diversity, let’s have her use a Mohammed target.
ITEM 25: CNN followed the long-standing media tradition of blaming the victims by reporting: “Trump supporters drive lack of high confidence in election process in six battleground states, CNN polling finds.”
ITEM 26: The Times Of India tweeted, “An Indian-origin woman and her husband are celebrating after charges that would have criminalized her Hindu prayers on the beach were thrown out of court.”
The judge said oh, those were Hindu prayers, not Christian. Case dismissed.
ITEM 27: Harris is up by 4 points!
Looks like the big old totally straight war hero-football coach-hunter is doing fabulous for her.
ITEM 28: Science Alert reported, “Rock Used as Doorstop For Decades Turns Out to Be Worth Over $1 Million.”
I take back saying Biden is as useful as a doorstop.
ITEM 29: The New York Post reported, “White Fragility author slams conservative podcaster Matt Walsh, who duped her into giving black producer reparations in new documentary.”
Fra-gil-i-tee. Must be Italian.
Poll - all of the above.
#17, is Hanoi Dick Blumenthal truly outraged or is he playing CYA for the White House? Someone higher up than the CIA gave the orders to botch the security in Butler, PA but the demonicrats in congress are going to make the CIA take the blame.
I will never ever believe that the attempt on Trump’s life was anything but an inside job. Still asking - how did Crooks know that no security would be on that roof? Who told him?
The administrators in higher education crunched the numbers as best they could and realized DEI does not increase the enrollment of black and brown students enough to offset the cost. That is, the people they hired in the name of DEI are scam artists.