90 Comments
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Schløngtäviøus Lårdmåster's avatar

6 - I am so old, I can remember when natural gas was being promoted as the clean energy alternative.

4DC's avatar

It is . But it's cheap and available. Can't have that for the Proles.

Jeremy R's avatar

I'm so old I can remember when natural gas immediately prompted the question " who farted?"

Don Reed's avatar

I'm so old, I remember denying it before you even asked!

tj's avatar

It is, that is the problem.

SaudiPiper's avatar

You and me both. "Clean natural gas!" (They used to like nuclear power, too.)

But as my buddy Steve Hayward has said "As soon as a source of energy becomes cheap and abundant, the greens turn against it."

Jim's avatar

That is why it is being attacked - because it is the biggest threat to green energy. Green energy is of course red energy, as in commie energy, so they can restrict where you can go and what you can eat.

Don Reed's avatar

I'm so old, I remember when natural gas was the name of a rock song!

Tmitsss's avatar

“It’s a walnut” may become my go to response when a joke goes over someone’s head

Don Reed's avatar

Buy 250,000 walnuts.

Schløngtäviøus Lårdmåster's avatar

12 - I thought the hosts of the late night shows were brilliant comedians, like Jay Leno was. Guess they need unfunny writers to wrote their garbage. Since most liberals don’t have senses of humor, it is not surprising their material sucks.

Sophie's avatar

Read somewhere that people with no sense of humor have a heightened sense of self-importance.

Denton Salle's avatar

Sure seems that way at work. Most seem to end up in HR.

Forbes's avatar

...and a complete lack of self-awareness...

Don Reed's avatar

And million dollar paychecks. At any rate, I'm so old, I remember when Jimmy Kimmel was funny.

Forbes's avatar

I shouldn't say you must be really old--so I'll reply that you have better memory than I do...

😜

Don Reed's avatar

I'm sorry. What was a Q again? (!)... Saratoga Springs about three years ago. Dinner with long-time friends... Amiable conversation about the inevitable medical problems... then I softly interrupted with, "Oh, sh*t... We're doing an AARP commercial."

Forbes's avatar

At certain ages, a conversation about sports, rock n roll, or sex would be waxing nostalgic, while "drugs" would be the prescription variety...

Marlan Hoerer's avatar

Some times people find comedy in real life but not your late nighters or the writers .True comedy seems to have rural roots to laugh at past hardships as lessons.

Don Reed's avatar

The second we get paid to be funny, it falls apart.

SaudiPiper's avatar

Truth. When the writer's strike happened the last time, Jay Leno stayed on the air. He wrote his own jokes.

BubblePuppy7's avatar

1 - Found this over at “Knuckeldraggin My Life Away”.

“Black people who end up being killed by Whites cause society to create this weird form of Baptism with instant demonstrable results. All their sins are forever washed away. Be a man arrested 44 times, a career criminal whose exploits include threatening to kill people in a subway, and previously attempted to do just that multiple times. Then get ended by a White man preventing that black man from killing other people, and suddenly the black man is the perfect human. No prior arrests. No criminal history. No ill intent. Just a perfectly innocent black man frolicking playfully among the people in the subway station, when an evil White racist lynched him for no reason. Get ready for late-night specials, books, statues and Presidential speeches. This is further than Weimar ever dreamed of getting.”

Mark's avatar

1. Escape from New York. No good Samaritan’s no cops no gas no laws.

Jeremy R's avatar

We need to wall it up asap.

Denton Salle's avatar

We were promised it was going to be underwater when the oceans rise. I keep waiting.

tj's avatar

Amen, were the subways supposed to be flooded and all by now? Wasnt that AOCs spiel a few years ago?

Jason Leonard's avatar

I've always toyed with a subscription YouTube channel in which I spray a different aerosol into the air as an FU to the climate alarmists/fraudsters. With some cool music in the background.

Don Reed's avatar

Canned humor loses in the translation.

Chuck Goldman's avatar

On Fire this morning Don. Too many to comment on but they’re Zingers. The Walnut thing…Ha!

Denton Salle's avatar

Ah, yes, it was worth getting internet out here at the cabin just to read this.

Don Reed's avatar

Good. Don, retire the semaphore flags.

Marlan Hoerer's avatar

Thank you for opening hltn with some of my favorite actors who knew their places on stage in a mad mad world.Too bad you did not include lines from bidets time with pmsnbc last night for truly sad comedy.The world is watching as we spin around and around making one want to put it nicely sell buicks.Truly sad what passes for statesmanship and urinalism these days.You are the bright laser in a dark time ala El Rushbo so thank you again Mr.Surber.

Epstein Did Not Kill Himself's avatar

#31 Before Biden took the oath of office, he said he wanted his presidency to be historic. I thought he'd already made that happen with what he's done to our country but I think he wants to start WW III too.

Don Reed's avatar

He's accepting bids. Whomever pays him the most cash wins. Oh and by the way, his demagoguery now includes (that is, when he can put a single sentence together in less than ten minutes), and I paraphrase, "evil billionaires who don't pay their fair share of taxes." This from a guy who has never paid taxes on what Communist China paid him under the table.

Wayne's avatar

12) Gutfeld won't be affected by the writer strike and will continue his original show nightly. His ratings dominance will grow.

RevMikeyMac's avatar

Yeah, too bad I'm not even watching Gutfield anymore... It's fine, his mind is in the toilet too much of the time.

Jason Leonard's avatar

Hate to agree, but you are right. I have caught myself dialing back after the Tucker fiasco. And I never really watched Tucker, but he's such that you don't actually have to watch the show to know what he's talking about. Now that is a powerful pulpit.

Jason Leonard's avatar

Check that, I don't Haye to agree. When you're correct, you're correct. Mostly I likes the guests and his cohost, Tyrus.

Don Reed's avatar

Tyrus is the only one keeping that show honest and the only one that Greg can't BS.

Don Reed's avatar

Agreed. The show is a bonanza of forced laughs. When he was on Red Eye a decade ago, he was still relatively young and fresh. Success has gone to his head. If you haven't seen his Red Eye videos, they are on You Tube and are highly recommended. Also a lot of guests who back then were likewise spontaneous and, today, probably as calcified as Greg. Finally, I refuse to watch anyone / anything on Fox. And Trump's former press secretary McElhanney (sic) subbing for Tucker Carlson this coming week is flat-out disgusting and a disastrous career move/mistake on her part.

Schløngtäviøus Lårdmåster's avatar

24 - the black lesbian sppokeswymxn tells better jokes than the late night joke readers

Don Reed's avatar

Unintentionally, yes.

Schløngtäviøus Lårdmåster's avatar

22 - I thought it might have been the Covid vaccine, since the claims as to its effectiveness were full of shit, but I was wrong.

We are an over-medicated society, but there’s something smelly about this one.

Tony Niederberger's avatar

Yesterday (Friday) I saw the homosexual Lia(r) Thomas being featured. I rewrote the exact same words back, not necessarily in order, on the Microsoft page and they claimed it was against their "Community Guidelines." Why do I say Lia(r) Thomas and the idiot Dylan Mulvany are really just homosexuals? Because they are really spoiled brats who can't stand to lose and not be the center of attention. Does that sound like a queer you might know?

dts3204's avatar

They are also Laddie Boys, one of Thailand's biggest exports.

Schløngtäviøus Lårdmåster's avatar

4 - thankfully, free speech advocate Elon Musk now owns Twitter. Weingarten And the teacher’s union could give an rip about the students.

tj's avatar

And the Community Notes were genius.

CC's avatar

Womanhood is over according to Democrats.

Jeremy R's avatar

27. No, he's right, we need to quit funding dictators. Let's start by cutting off Zelensky. Then follow up by not giving a dime in foreign aid to anyone until our feral debt is paid off.