Highlights of the week

We won a battle, not the war.

ITEM 1: On Election Day, NPR reported, “Trump and allies have primed supporters to falsely believe he has no chance of losing.”

It cited polls. The only polls worth a darn this election season had strippers on them.

ITEM 2: Shooting News Weekly reported, “October Was the 63rd Consecutive Month With More Than 1 Million Guns Sold.”

America has more guns than people, which is why we are America and not Englandistan.

ITEM 3: CNN reported, “Anti-Semitic attacks on Israeli soccer fans bring shame on Amsterdam, mayor says.”

Europe let millions of Muslims in and they brought pogroms with them. Who said Muslims don’t know European history?

ITEM 4: The Washington Free Beacon reported, “Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has fired his defense minister, Yoav Gallant, sidelining a powerful security voice who has helped lead the Jewish state’s yearlong war against Hamas, Hezbollah, and other Iran-backed forces.”

How can you fire a military man named Gallant?

ITEM 5: The happiest man in the USA this week was Donald Trump.

The happiest woman was Jill Biden.

ITEM 6: George tweeted with video, “Kash Patel just announced that massive declassification will occur in Trump's Administration from the Epstein to the Diddy list. It's all going to be made public.”

As a public service, I remind certain celebrities that Afghanistan, Morocco, Indonesia, Hong Kong, Taiwan, UAE, Andorra and Qatar have no extradition treaties with the USA.

ITEM 7: Iraq has an extradition treaty with the USA but it may drop its age of consent to an Epstein-friendly 9 years old.

Even Saddam Hussein didn’t do that.

ITEM 8: Insurrection Barbie tweeted, “What did Kamala Harris spend $1 billion on?”

It sure wasn’t on hair, makeup or clothing.

ITEM 9: Vanity Fair reported, “Steve Bannon, a self-declared general of global populists, wants to break the world order. And he’s tapped into something much bigger than Trumpism.”

The pandemic showed the globalists for who they are — dumbasses.

Sic ’em, Steve.

ITEM 10: Real Clear World reported, “The Biggest Transatlantic Loser from Trump’s Election: Britain’s Labour Government.”

Sending 100 party members to help Kamala was another stupid idea from the land where you need a narwhal tusk to stop a terrorist.

ITEM 11: Wojciech Pawelczyk posted a video of Poland’s parliament cheering Donald Trump.

Poland’s president, Andrzej Duda, flew to Mar-a-Lago on Friday to meet with The Donald. With allies like that, who needs England?

ITEM 12: The New York Post reported, “Washington Post CEO William Lewis informed employees Thursday that they will be required to work out of the newspaper’s offices five days a week starting in June.”

Those poor souls. Imagine having to sit in a room full of Washington Post reporters five days a week.

NOTE OF THE WEEK:

ITEM 13: Grabien reported, “Citing Dan Coats as a Source, Bob Woodward Claims Putin Is Blackmailing Trump.”

Blackmail is a racist term. Besides, what would a senior producer at Babylon Bee know about this?

ITEM 14: The Daily Wire reported, “FEMA Official Ordered Relief Workers To Skip Houses With Trump Signs.”

This is why you shouldn’t rely on government for anything larger than a postal stamp.

ITEM 15: Peter Schweizer tweeted, “Harvard cancelled classes after Trump won. They did not cancel classes after the October 7th Hamas massacre. What does that tell you?”

It tells me colleges should pay corporate taxes like everyone else.

ITEM 16: NBC reported, “A Mexican national who is in the U.S. illegally was sentenced Thursday to 39 years in a Michigan prison for killing his girlfriend, a crime that suddenly was thrust into the U.S. presidential race because of the man’s immigration status.”

Trump deported him. Biden did not.

ITEM 17: The Washington Times reported, “FBI brass ‘stunned’ and ‘shell shocked’ over Trump re-election.”

And we wonder how they could miss 9/11.

CAPTION CONTEST:

Magills tweeted, “This is the look of a guy who just watched his carjacker get T-boned by a garbage truck.”

ITEM 18: Salvador President Nayib Bukele tweeted, “Spoke on the phone with President Trump. I congratulated him on his sweeping victory on Tuesday, and we discussed the strong mandate he received from the American people and the significance his election holds for the world.

“We had an interesting conversation about his podcast strategy, the bullet that nearly killed him, the incredible people around him, the sometimes harmful effects of U.S. aid funds, Soros-backed NGOs, and our shared commitment to tackling the challenges ahead.

“May God bless his administration.”

Wonder if Bukele can work weekends as the head of our prison system.

ITEM 19: Citizen Free Press tweeted with video, “Beverly Hills High School erupts in celebration after Trump wins.”

They shouted four more years. They must really like high school.

AND NOW A MOMENT WITH ANDY ROONEY:

Ever notice that the longer her hair gets, the more conservative Megyn Kelly becomes? I wonder why that is.

ITEM 20: The Daily Beast reported, “The Democratic Party is secretly fighting over whether to try and force out Justice Sonia Sotomayor to avoid the specter of Donald Trump sending the U.S. Supreme Court further to the right.”

The real reason is she knows what a woman is. Democrats hate that.

ITEM 21: The Jerusalem Post reported, “Qatar has reportedly clarified to the terrorist group Hamas, ‘You are not welcome here,’ KAN reported on Friday, citing a source familiar with the matter.”

It’s Qatar’s way of telling Israel, don’t tase me, bro.

ITEM 22: Gateway Pundit reported, “Federal Reserve Cuts Interest Rates by 25 Basis Points — Fed Chair Powell Says He Won’t Step Down if Trump Asks For His Resignation.”

No problem. Fire him and let the Supreme Court sort it out.

ITEM 23: The Daily Mail reported, “New York City is ending its controversial scheme that gave migrant families prepaid debit cards worth a total of $18,500 each. City Hall made the announcement Thursday, as Mayor Eric Adams has finally listened to critics of the Big Apple’s migrant policies and Adams himself has become friendlier with Donald Trump, who plans massive reforms to the immigration system.”

Election Day was a hearing aid for Adams.

ITEM 24: Fox News reported, “Iran terrified of Trump presidency as Iranian currency falls to an all-time low.”

I don’t know why they are scared of him because it looks like by the time he takes office in January, Israel will have taken out Iran’s leadership.

ITEM 25: Daily Wire reported, “A federal judge on Thursday struck down a Biden administration program that would have granted legal status to hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants. U.S. District Judge John Campbell Barker ruled that President Joe Biden’s parole in place program was illegal after it was challenged by a coalition of Republican attorneys general.”

FJB called this parole Keeping Families Together. Yes, keep families together by deporting each family to their home countries.

ITEM 26: Sundance reported, “DOJ Drops Jack Smith Lawfare Cases, Using 2024 Election Outcome as Justification.”

The jury has spoken.

ITEM 27: Yahoo reported, “U.S. election 2024: Google searches for ‘How to move to Canada’ surge as Trump secures presidential victory.”

Apparently liberals are unaware of where north is.

ITEM 28: Tomorrow is the 249th birthday of the Marine Corps.

General Eric M. Smith, Commandant of the United States Marine Corps, requests no one give any Marine a gift of crayons. The brown ones aren’t chocolate.

ITEM 29: NBC reported, “43 escaped research monkeys still loose in South Carolina after caretaker failed to shut two doors.”

Can’t wait for their new album.

ITEM 30: Liz Wheeler tweeted, “Trump is President-elect for two days:

• Stock market hits record high

• Migrant caravan at our border dissolves

• Hamas calls for end to war

• Bitcoin hits record high

• Putin ready to end Ukraine war

• Qatar kicks out Hamas leaders

• EU will buy U.S. gas not Russian gas

• Putin will sell oil in U.S. dollars

• Zelenskyy phones Trump & Elon

• NYC Mayor ends vouchers for illegals

• Mexico to stop migrants at U.S. border

• China wants to work peacefully with us

• Big U.S. company to move out of China

“I repeat: Trump has been President-elect for two days.”

Nice, but what about fixing those McDonald’s ice cream machines?

ITEM 31: New York Post tweeted, “Trump’s historic comeback leads to staggering 1,514% surge in Americans looking to move abroad: study.”

I’ll help you pack.

ITEM 32: Kate Santaliz tweeted with video, “Vice President-elect JD Vance is on the Hill today to give his son’s Cub Scout group a tour” of the Capitol.

Good, good, good. We must teach them insurrection at an early age.

ITEM 33: The final Real Clear Politics Average showed Kamala ahead in the popular vote by 0.1 point. Trump won by 2.7 points.

We are told, well, that’s within the margin of error but it is not. The combined number of people polled in the polls in the average was 46,067 which makes the margin of error 0.5 points. The formula for the MOE is 1 divided by the square root of the people polled.

This means the pollsters fed the public manure and told the people it was chocolate pudding.

Private polling paid by the candidates showed Trump had it in the bag. We know this because he was confident and she was a basket case.

You pay nothing for these public polls and that is what they are worth. Nothing.

ITEM 34: Breitbart reported, “A man who is apparently unhappy about President-elect Donald Trump’s victory said he is leaving America and relocating to Hawaii, a statement that has brought him all kinds of criticism.”

Hey, Democrats, we found your 2028 candidate.

ITEM 35: The Chicago Tribune tweeted, “Gov. JB Pritzker has warning for Donald Trump: ‘You come for my people, you come through me.’ ”

He’s 350 pounds! Red Rover, Red Rover, send Krispy Kreme Christie over.

ITEM 36: CNN reported, “Pentagon officials discussing how to respond if Trump issues controversial orders.”

The only proper response is to obey those orders from the commander in chief. Surely these men and women do not want to be hanged for mutiny.

ITEM 37: AFP reported, “Notre Dame Bells Ring Out In Paris For First Time Since 2019 Fire.”

Good to hear Quasimodo is back on the job.

FINALLY, what did Darth Vader say when he dropped out of high school?

“You have failed me for the last time.”