Highlights of the week

ITEM 1: Zero Hedge reported, “The controversial American transgender spokesperson for Ukraine's Territorial Defense Forces Sarah Ashton-Cirillo (born Michael Cirillo) has been suspended indefinitely by the Ukrainian military, also pending an investigation. According to an official Ukrainian military statement, Ashton-Cirillo's recent statements regarding hunting down dissidents and propagandists were not approved.”

Ah yes. Baghdad Bobbed.

ITEM 2: TMZ reported, “Cindy Crawford says when she went on Oprah’s talk show back in the day, she didn’t think it would turn into what looked like a Miss America-type competition.

“C.C. is featured in a new doc on Apple TV+, The Super Models, in which she grouses that in 1986 when she appeared on Oprah, then 20-year-old Cindy was asked to show the goods for the audience.”

Oh no! A model was asked to walk a runway.

To be fair, some of today’s models would need an electric cart from Walmart to make the trip.

ITEM 3: The Daily Caller reported, “Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy said Thursday that he had rejected Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky’s request to address a joint session of Congress.”

I don’t know. Maybe we could ask the Green Shirted Beggar to help us with OUR borders.

ITEM 4: Mark McKinnon tweeted, “Polish Prime Minister Mateusz Morawiecki announced on Sept. 20 that Poland will no longer supply Ukraine with weapons as rifts over the import of Ukrainian grain products deepens.”

He then reminded his followers, “Poland’s elections are Oct. 15.”

Zelensky may discover on election night that the Poles are closed.

ITEM 5: The New York Post reported, “Outraged Staten Island residents took to the street Tuesday night to physically block the arrival of an MTA bus carrying asylum seekers to a newly converted shelter — a move that Mayor Eric Adams called ugly, even as over 100,000 migrants have been shipped to the Big Apple since last year.

“The group of unruly protesters, captured on video wailing and banging on the sides of the bus, halted traffic just before 10 p.m. after intercepting the bus, which was headed to the former Island Shores senior assisted living facility.”

Send the illegal aliens where they belong — the Upper West Side.

ITEM 6: The Daily Caller reported, “The U.S. military’s F-35 fighter jets are infrequently flight-ready amid a major backlog in repairs, according to a Government Accountability Office (GAO) report released Thursday.

“Only 55% of F-35s in the military’s fleet are mission-ready, far lower than the mission capable goal of 85% to 90%, according to the report.”

Barely half the F-35s we spent billions on are ready to defend us?

Subtract one star from every general in the Air Force until we are up to 95% ready.

ITEM 7: The New York Post reported, “Christopher Columbus received some powerful Old World backing in Manhattan on Tuesday as New York City pols weigh whether to yank statues of him and other now-controversial historical figures.

“Italian Prime Minister Georgia Meloni pointedly visited the borough’s famed Columbus Circle to participate in a wreath-laying ceremony honoring Columbus — just hours after the City Council held a hearing on proposed legislation targeting monuments and other artwork featuring the explorer, as well people such as George Washington and Thomas Jefferson.”

Removing American heroes from places of honor is statuary rape.

ITEM 8: AP reported, “The Biden administration says it’s granting temporary legal status to hundreds of thousands of Venezuelans who are already in the country — quickly making them eligible to work — as it grapples with growing numbers of people fleeing the South American country and elsewhere to arrive at the U.S.-Mexico border.”

They are fleeing socialism at home. Where do we go to flee ours?

ITEM 9: Olivia Murray reported, “Joe Biden announces executive action to create the new Climate Corps.”

From the halls of Martha’s Vineyard to the shores of Waikiki, we will fight Joe Biden’s battle against the weather and the sea.

ITEM 10: The Daily Mail reported, “Joe Biden has seemingly wandered off the UN stage without shaking hands with Brazil’s Lula at the end of a joint speech.

“Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, 77, looked visibly irritated after the two leaders shared a stage to speak about their initiative to improve workers’ rights in each country.

“But their diplomatic meeting got off to a labored start when Biden, 80, shuffled into a seven-foot Brazilian flag, leaving it teetering as he approached the podium.”

Joe Biden, turning the world against the USA, one staged moment of feigned dementia at a time.

THE SCOTT WALKER AWARD GOES TO — RON DE SANTIS!

The Washington Examiner reported, “A new poll Wednesday from the University of New Hampshire shook up the world of political obsessives who watch each twist and turn in the race for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination. No, there was no change at the top — former President Donald Trump is still in the lead in New Hampshire, 26 points ahead of the nearest competitor. The news was that Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL), for a long time Trump's chief rival, has slipped to fifth place in New Hampshire, the second state to vote in the GOP primary contest.”

The more he campaigns, the fewer votes he gets.

He was presidential timber. Now he has termites.

ITEM 11: The New York Post reported, “A Palestinian literature festival that will be hosted at the University of Pennsylvania this week is coming under fire for featuring speakers who have made anti-Semitic comments, including ‘Death to Israel,’ and someone who has worn a Nazi-style uniform.”

Nazi uniform? Does that mean Prince Harry is coming to visit?

ITEM 12: On Rumble, “Tucker Carlson Interviews AG Ken Paxton After He CRUSHES the Bush Dynasty in Texas.”

They tried to Bushwhack him with an impeachment. It is sad how Dubya has morphed into the Republican Obama.

ITEM 13: The Chicago Tribune reported, “Mayor Brandon Johnson’s administration is moving forward with plans to put up migrant base camps across the city by signing a nearly $30 million contract with a private security firm at the center of controversies related to its handling of asylum-seekers elsewhere, including on behalf of GOP Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis.”

So the company got paid to ship these vagabonds from Florida to Chicago. And now the company gets paid to serve them in Chicago.

Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just deport the illegals?

ITEM 14: CBS reported, “During a hearing before the House Judiciary Committee Attorney, General Merrick Garland delivered a blunt message to Congress. ‘I am not the president's lawyer. I will add I am not Congress's prosecutor. The Justice Department works for the American people,’ he says.”

Wrong. He serves at the will and pleasure of the president. DOJ is not an independent agency. It answers to both the president and Congress, which are elected by the people.

Thanks once again to Mitch McConnell for keeping Garlicky Garland off the Supreme Court.

ITEM 15: National Review reported, “Walt Disney CEO Bob Iger said in a recent investor meeting that the company will ‘quiet the noise’ from culture-war controversies. This approach comes as Disney remains mired in an arduous legal dispute with Governor DeSantis — a dispute that started when Disney protested Florida legislation that banned sexual and gender curricula for public-school students.”

The legislation did no such thing. It banned nothing. What it did was make sex education age appropriate and allowed parental involvement in that education.

ITEM 16: About that F-35 the military lost, it must be pretty stealth if even the Marines could not find it.

Watch what happens when the Climate Corps gets its fleet of F-35s.

ITEM 17: Media-ite reported, “Saudi Crown Prince Tells Bret Baier If Iran Gets a Nuclear Weapon, ‘We Have To Get One.’”

Every country should have nukes because that makes all countries equal. An armed society is a polite society.

ITEM 18: The Washington Examiner (third-party link) reported, “The Department of Health and Human Services on Wednesday issued a notice barring the Wuhan Institute of Virology from federal funding for 10 years due to conducting experiments with high potential for dangerous public health consequences.”

HHS is saying, we did nothing wrong and we won’t do it again.

ITEM 19: Breitbart reported, “More Environment, Social, and Governance (ESG) investing funds have closed in 2023 than the last years combined amid political backlash and investor scrutiny.

“Bloomberg reported that State Street, Columbia Threadneedle Investments, Janus Henderson Group, Hartford Management Group, and others closed more than two dozen ESG funds this year, according to Morningstar.”

Satan’s stock portfolio is sinking.

ITEM 20: The LA Times reported, “Trump team changes obscure GOP rules in hopes of clinching presidential nomination early.”

Good. The story pointed out Obama did the same thing in 2008.

Trump won praise from Dubya’s campaign lawyer Ben Ginsberg, who said, “The Trump campaign in 2016 was five guys on a pirate ship who did not have the organization to go out and really work the rules.”

Pirates? Good because you can’t spell Republican without an arrrrrrrrrr.

BRYLCREEM ALERT: Twitchy reported, “Gavin Newsom flew from Calif. to NY to tell the UN that burning gas is destroying the planet.”

What’s really killing the planet are these rules and regulations bent on returning us to the Stone Age.

ITEM 21: WSJ reported, “Budweiser owner Anheuser-Busch InBev said it has stopped cutting the tails off its famous Clydesdale horses after months of pressure from animal-rights activists who say the practice is cruel.”

Good move. To boost sales, Bud should cut the tallywhacker off Dylan Mulvaney.

ITEM 22: David Brooks of NYT bitched, “This meal just cost me $78 at Newark Airport. This is why Americans think the economy is terrible.”

It was a burger, fries and maybe a salad.

Joyce Carol Oates tweeted, “(bar bill: $66. food bill: $12. tip: $0 N Y Times expense account).”

No tip.

This is America. You tip. If the service is good, you tip. If the service is bad, your server is having a bad day, so you tip.

If you can’t tip, go to McDonald’s.

ITEM 22: Politico reported, “Biden taps Harris to lead new federal office of gun violence prevention.”

That’s fresh after her taking charge of the border.

I can almost hear her now: “Do not gun.”

Look for gun violence to double.

ITEM 23: KLAS reported, “Las Vegas teen expected ‘slap on the wrist’ for hitting, killing cyclist: ‘I’ll be out in 30 days, I’ll bet you.’”

Fact-check: True.

The teen is 17 with a big tattoo on his face. He’s played the juvenile justice system like a pinball machine for years. If we let children start transitioning to another sex at 10, then that should be the age you are tried as an adult.

ITEM 24: NBC in Chicago reported, “NBC 5 reports that private shelter employees that house illegal immigrants make from $135 per hour up to $200 per hour.

“A manager of a migrant facility made $14,000 in one week and a nurse earned $20,000 in a week.”

Open borders is berry, berry good to lefties. Heck, they are making more than the surgeons who butcher kids in transsexual surgery.

ITEM 25: Breitbart reported, “Report: Manchin Breaks with Schumer, ‘Circulates Proposal‘ to Restore Dress Code.”

He’ll cave and the Biden administration will close 3 more coal mines.

ITEM 26: PJ Media reported, “13-Year-Old Beaten at L.A. McDonald’s — and No One Intervened.”

But bystanders took a video so that everyone could have a good laugh later.

Well, everyone except the victim.

ITEM 27: Space News reported, “House Speaker introduces bill to extend commercial spaceflight regulatory learning period.”

Why are we allowing these clowns who want to replace gas-powered cars with battery-operated cars to take over space? No regulating of space, please. Tell the regulatory trolls to take a hike.

Is there a nearby blackhole we can jettison Washington to?

ITEM 28: Trending Politics reported, “The Oil and Gas Workers Association, which is comprised of 50,000 members who work in domestic drilling, announced that it will be supporting President Trump in the GOP primary as well as the general election against President Joe Biden, who has shown open hostility to the industry as he pushes huge incentives for automotive companies and others to wean their dependency from fossil fuels.”

He isn’t an R-Haliburton.

ITEM 29: The Daily Mail reported, “The NFL’s first transgender cheerleader has slammed North Carolina for banning transgender women from women’s sports — as he insisted that his role is ‘setting things up for the younger generation.’”

I am not saying he’s a fake, but he could do the cover of National Lampoon.

ITEM 30: CNBC reported, “Biden will travel to Michigan to ‘join the picket line’ with UAW workers on strike.”

How much did the union fat cats pay Hunter for this stunt?

QUOTATIONS FROM AMERICA’S FAVORITE SENATOR.

John Kennedy told Fox, “I thought Attorney General Garland talked to the American people as if he were talking to Bambi’s baby brother.”

And he said, “Whistleblowers came forward, and they have sort of been the stool sample in the White House and the Department of Justice’s punch bowl.”

He also called Hunter Fredo.

The Senate’s IQ is 100. Most of the points come from him.

ITEM 31: Raw Story reported, “Judge in Trump's NY fraud case pounds bench while warning about false statements.”

All the judicial temperament of a fire alarm.

ITEM 32: AP reported, “India's visa processing center in Canada suspended services Thursday as a rift widened between the countries after Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said India may have been involved in the killing of a Canadian Sikh leader.”

There goes Canada, fighting Indians again like it was 1873.

FINALLY, at the man’s request, Trump autographed a man’s shirt in Iowa.

A woman saw that and asked him to autograph hers. I hope my surgeons (if I ever undergo surgery) are as careful as he was.