Highlights of the week

ITEM 1: USA Today reported, “The lowest-tax state is West Virginia, with a lifetime cost of $358,407.”

Poverty has its privileges.

ITEM 2: AP tweeted, “Oscar Mayer Wienermobile flips onto its side after crash along suburban Chicago highway.”

Its driver couldn’t cut the mustard.

ITEM 3: Avi Kaner tweeted, “Israel’s Iron Beam will soon be operational, protecting the nation from all airborne threats. Each interception costs under $20 instead of $50,000, and never runs out of ammunition. It will be the world's first large-scale laser defense system.”

If this catches on, Raytheon will be out of business.

ITEM 4: WEWS-TV reported, “Mattel unveils first blind Barbie and first black Barbie with Down syndrome.”

That’s how Democrats pick presidential candidates.

ITEM 5: The Daily Star reported, “Scientist grows male genitals in lab.”

Finally, hope for the Republican leadership.

ITEM 6: Breitbart reported, “New York Times: Kamala Harris Is the Least ‘Electable’ Democrat.”

Hillary should be her running mate. Cackles and Cankles.

ITEM 7: Newsweek reported, “Donald Trump May Not Have Been Hit By Bullet, FBI Director Says.”

Brick Suit tweeted, “If only there was someone standing in the front row who took a picture of the teleprompters showing that they were undamaged.

“A picture like this one that I took.”

That’s the government for you — protecting the teleprompters but not the president.

ITEM 8: The Olympics opened in Paris this week, the first Olympics in a Muslim country.

LeBron James was the American flag bearer, showing his newfound support for slavery and police brutality.

ITEM 9: The New York Post reported, “France’s high-speed rail network paralyzed by ‘coordinated’ arson attacks hours before start of Olympics.”

California’s is paralyzed by boondogglers and bureaucrats who will never build it.

ITEM 10: Thousands of illegal aliens rioted in Leeds, England. Police promptly arrested a British woman who complained.

Winchester Cathedral will make a great mosque.

ITEM 11: DC_Draino tweeted, “Zelensky finally changing his tune?

“He now says ‘We have to end the war as soon as possible.’ ”

Daddy’s coming home to the White House. Better stop fighting.

AND NOW A MOMENT WITH ANDY ROONEY:

Ever notice that some of the people who had a huge problem with Sam Alito’s wife flying the flag upside down had no problem with Democrats burning the flag and replacing it with the Hamas flag on the flagpole? I wonder why that is.

ITEM 12: PJ Media reported, “Transgender Activist Chris Tyson Leaves MrBeast YouTube Channel Amid Child Grooming Allegations.”

Remember, the plus sign in LGBT+ stands for pedo.

ITEM 13: Kamala said, “U.S. shares an alliance with the Republic of North Korea.”

Fact-check: Given the Biden administration’s track record, it probably is true.

ITEM 14: Mediaite reported, “In a case of incredibly weird odds, The New York Times issued a retraction on Thursday of a quote it used in an article about new polling — because of all the people they asked about the 2024 presidential election, one of them was the woman who was convicted of fraud for planting a severed finger in a cup of chili.”

More Pulitzer-worthy journalism from NYT.

ITEM 15: Rob Reiner tweeted, “When Kamala Harris becomes our 47th President, not only will we be a more perfect Union, but we’ll be taking a huge step toward becoming one World.”

The Brits tried to make it One World. We now call it colonialism.

ITEM 16: The Western Journal reported, “Black Lives Matter Turns on Democrat Party After Kamala Harris Is Installed as Nominee.”

So what? It’s not like they can riot and trash her hometown of Oakland. It already is trashed.

ITEM 17: This week’s winner of the Jeb! Award for public speaking goes to Chuckles the Schumer.

Schumer to audience: “We are here today to throw our support behind Kamala!”

(Dead silence.)

“I’m clapping! You don’t have to.”

ITEM 18: CNN reported, “Judge won’t dismiss Trump’s defamation suit against ABC News and George Stephanopoulos.”

He called the president a rapist. He’s lucky Trump didn’t demand a duel.

ITEM 19: The Washington Free Beacon reported, “NBCUniversal is headed for trial after a judge ruled in favor of a Georgia doctor who MSNBC’s biggest stars accused of performing mass hysterectomies on women at a Trump-era immigration facility in Georgia. The judge ruled that Rachel Maddow, Nicolle Wallace, and Chris Hayes made verifiably false statements about the doctor, who is suing NBC for $30 million.”

The truth is an excellent defense in libel.

Comcast’s NBCUniversal has no defense.

ITEM 20: The Post Millennial reported, “Tucker Carlson's podcast, The Tucker Carlson show, overtook Joe Rogan on the Spotify charts on Thursday to be the number one ranking podcast in the country.”

It’s called getting the last laugh on Fox.

ITEM 21: AP reported, “Consumers cannot expect boneless chicken wings to actually be free of bones, a divided Ohio Supreme Court ruled Thursday, rejecting claims by a restaurant patron who suffered serious medical complications from getting a bone stuck in his throat.”

This was based on an earlier case in which the court ruled that French fries don’t have to come from France.

ITEM 22: Market Watch reported, “Presumptive presidential nominee Kamala Harris picked up a huge endorsement on Monday, from CNBC’s Jim Cramer.”

OK, now I am overconfident.

ITEM 23: Reason reported, “En Banc Fifth Circuit Concludes FCC's Universal Service Fee Is Unconstitutional.”

The fee is just like Robin Hood as it takes from the people with cell phones and gives to the telecoms and bureaucrats.

Did I say Robin Hood? I meant the other guy, Robin Hoodlum.

ITEM 24: The Washington Examiner reported, “Kamala Harris tries out four campaign slogans.”

Guess which one was not among the four?

1. We are not going back

2. When we fight, we win

3. Let’s win this/Together we can win this

4. We are not playing around

5. I Will Go to the Mattress for You

ITEM 25: NYT reported, “Speculation Swirls About What Hit Trump. An Analysis Suggests It was a Bullet.”

Let’s not get too hasty and jump to conclusions.

ITEM 26: AP whined, “Nebraska Supreme Court upholds law restricting both medical care for transgender youth and abortion.”

Well, it isn’t medical care any more than a haircut is. And hair grows back.

ITEM 27: CNBC reported, “Short seller Andrew Left of Citron charged with fraud by prosecutors, SEC.”

Since when is it a crime for men to be under a certain height?

ITEM 28: Citizen Free Press tweeted, “President Trump announces a new rally for Butler, Pennsylvania.”

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down

Secret Service will deploy a new device to protect him: Gun-Free Zone signs.

FINALLY, Eric Abbenante tweeted:

MSNBC's focus group of Wisconsin progressives did not go as planned. Democrats feel like Joe Biden harmed the Democrat party by not allowing an actual primary, and feel trepidation about Kamala Harris as the nominee:

Elise Jordan: "How do you feel about the process in which President Biden decided to not run for re-election?"

Focus Group: "Would have been nice if he made this decision a year ago so we could have had a primary and maybe decided who we wanted to replace him rather than just all flocking to Kamala Harris."

"By trying to clear the field and ensure that it was Biden, not allowing us to have an actual Democrat primary process.

We would have been benefited significantly if we had figured this out far sooner so there could have actually been more time to have internal debate, have internal democracy within the party."

Democrats are upset that they didn't get to participate in the Democratic process and choose their nominee. Plot twist: Turns out Democrats are the 'threat to democracy'.

The USA is not a democracy because democracies are controlled by mobs of people acting on emotion and low-information. Ours is a republic.

A banana republic.