Highlights of the week

Your president returns in 37 days

ITEM 1: Zero Hedge reported, “Reuters Fact-Checks Babylon Bee Article Stating ‘Allahu Akbar’ Has Replaced ‘Cheerio Mate’ As UK’s Favored Farewell.”

Burgermeister Meisterburger has spoken.

ITEM 2: Maybe General Mills can replace Cheerios with Allahus.”

The big G stands for jihad.

ITEM 3: Fox chortled, “CNN loses to Food Network as network’s primetime viewership languishes.”

MSNBC lost to Hallmark. Well, it is the Christmas season.

ITEM 4: Your president in 37 days tweeted, “It was a pleasure to have dinner the other night with Governor Justin Trudeau of the Great State of Canada. I look forward to seeing the Governor again soon so that we may continue our in depth talks on Tariffs and Trade, the results of which will be truly spectacular for all! DJT.”

The best part of annexing Canada is relocating Haitians and Palestinians to polar bear country.

ITEM 5: Trump rang the bell to open the NYSE on Thursday. Anita Ward wants to be next.

As the traders waited in line to greet the president, JD Vance said, “It’s 9:48 am shouldn’t you be making money?”

The student teacher is going to be tough. Bet he won’t grade on a curve.

ITEM 6: Rebels overthrew the dictator of Syria.

Wonderful. Europe can now send the refugees back.

ITEM 7: Lindsey Graham tweeted, “The re-emergence of ISIS is a national security nightmare for America and our allies. We know from past behavior that ISIS will come after the U.S. and our partners in the region.”

It is what it ISIS. Created by Deep State Barry, resuscitated by Deep State FJB.

ITEM 8: Scott Jennings said on one of those endless panel discussions on CNN, “Here's my chart. The good guys today: Daniel Penny. The bad guys: Luigi Mangione. People on the left can’t seem to tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys.”

New rule, when you know more about the perp than the victim, you know which side the media is on.

ITEM 9: Fox reported, “Elizabeth Warren says killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO was a warning: ‘You can only push people so far.’ ”

The Telegraph reported, “Luigi Mangione was not insured by UnitedHealthcare, say police.”

The quality of Harvard law professors dropped considerably since John Houseman left.

A MOMENT WITH ANDY ROONEY: Paul Krugman filed his final column after 25 years, dating back to 1999. in the column, he included a link to the Oklahoma City bombing (1995) but he did not mention 9/11.

I wonder why that is.

ITEM 10: NYT reported, “Nobel Laureates Urge Senate to Turn Down Kennedy's Nomination.”

Krugman has a Nobel.

ITEM 11: Politico reported, “Sanders says next term is likely his last.”

Lather. Rinse. Repeat every 6 years.

ITEM 12: The Hill reported, “Patel FBI plans spark concern over agency independence, retribution.”

Oh no. The FBI might have to stop spying to blackmail politicians.

ITEM 13: Newsmax reported, “Federal Judge Blocks Obamacare for Dreamers.”

Hey, remember when the media dumped on Joe Wilson for shouting, “you lie,” when Obama said Obamacare would not cover illegal aliens? That was awesome.

ITEM 14: AP reported, “Atmospheric river and potential bomb cyclone will bring messy, dangerous weather to East Coast.”

Atmospheric river? We called them clouds in my day.

ITEM 15: The New York Post reported, “Brown-tinted snow coated a small Maine town on Tuesday, sending residents into a furry after local officials warned the discolored flakes could cause skin irritation.”

Don’t go where the huskies go and don’t you eat that yellow brown snow.

ITEM 16: Over on Bluesky, someone tweeted, “Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have cast decisive votes against Biden’s NLRB nominee. This means the Democrats will not secure control of the national labor regulator through 2026. These two Senators effectively handed Trump control of the board when his term begins.”

Nope. Voters did.

ITEM 17: Charlie Kirk tweeted, “The Trump Assassination Task Force reveals that the Secret Service Agent who spotted Ryan Routh in the trees at the golf course, opened fire on the suspect and . . . MISSED HIM SIX TIMES FROM FIVE FEET AWAY!!

“How is that possible?”

The side of a barn is still undefeated against those Secret Service sharpshooters.

TWEET OF THE WEEK:

Now I have an excuse to drive to Falling Waters, WV.

ITEM 18: People magazine reported that Dick Van Dyke and thousands of others had to evacuate their homes as wildfires reached Malibu.

Don’t worry. He skipped around the ottoman on his way out.

ITEM 19: Variety reported, “YouTube TV is getting more expensive—outpacing the rate of inflation—with a 14% price increase for the streaming pay-TV package going into effect for new customers immediately.”

Sure, it is expensive but unlike Amazon, it doesn’t come with bad football games on Thursday night.

ITEM 20: The New York Post reported, “Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) has reportedly launched a behind-the-scenes effort to thwart Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s (D-NY) bid to serve as the top Democrat on the House Oversight Committee.”

Pelosi will rip her to shreds like a State of the Union address.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: In 2020, Democrats wanted a candidate who was a combination of FDR, JFK and BHO.

They came up with FJB.

ITEM 21: The Washington Free Beacon reported, “Tony Blinken Tells Congress ‘No One Anticipated’ Taliban Takeover of Afghanistan.”

The problem with FJB’s stupidity was he then had to pick subordinates who were dumber than him. Sadly, he succeeded.

ITEM 22: Catholic Arena tweeted, “Satanists were permitted to install a Baphomet statue to mock Christians at New Hampshire’s State Capitol with lawmakers saying that it showed ‘unity.’ The monument was destroyed overnight however, leading to fury from journalists who slammed vandals for the attack.”

Just tell them that Satan owned slaves. No statue for him.

ITEM 23: UPI reported, “Smoking as preteen, teenager can injure young people’s hearts.”

I don’t know about that. Eric Burdon smoked his first cigarette at 10. He’s 83 now.

ITEM 24: Greg Price tweeted, “The FBI had 26 confidential human sources at the Capitol on January 6, including four who entered the Capitol building and 13 who entered the restricted area around the Capitol, according to a just released DOJ Inspector General report.”

JD Vance tweeted, “For those keeping score at home, this was labeled a dangerous conspiracy theory months ago.”

Hooray! The mean tweets will continue after Trump’s presidency ends.

ITEM 25: Zero Hedge reported, “Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban said Wednesday that he had proposed the idea of Ukraine and Russia establishing a Christmas truce, but it was rejected by Ukrainian President Voldomyr Zelensky.”

As long as the NATO money flows in, every day is Christmas for him.

ITEM 26: Let’s Talk With Kat reported that Crystal Mangum recanted her accusations of gangrape by the Duke lacrosse team in 2006. She is in prison for killing her boyfriend in 2013.

Some dismiss this as a jailhouse conversion. Jesus goes where the sinners are. He’s going to your house right after He leaves mine.

ITEM 27: America First reported, “Former O.J. Simpson Prosecutor Says Alvin Bragg Will Probably Be Voted Out.”

Hopefully by a jury of his peers on 34 counts.

ITEM 28: Breaking911 tweeted, “HONORING A HERO! VP-Elect JD Vance has invited Daniel Penny as his personal guest to the Army-Navy game this weekend, where they will join President Trump in his suite.”

Marines look out for one another.

ITEM 29: BBC reported, “Assisted dying now accounts for one in 20 Canada deaths.”

Canada abolished the death penalty for criminals in 1998.

ITEM 30: Put another way, Canada’s government deliberately killed 15,300 innocent people. Adjusted for population, that would be the equivalent 127,755 American deaths — more than five times the number of murders in the USA last year.

Canada continues to confiscate guns.

Do we really want to grant statehood to these geniuses?

ITEM 31: The Washington Free Beacon reported, “Drug Lords, Ponzi Schemers, and Corrupt Officials: Meet Joe Biden’s [1.500] Clemency Recipients.”

No thank you. I don’t want meet any of them—especially in a dark alley.

ITEM 32: Seán Ono Lennon tweeted, “The most likely explanation for the New Jersey Drones is they are some kind of ruse to that will be used to justify some kind of legislation taking away more rights from Americans.”

The government acts like its job is to get around the Constitution.

ITEM 33: Unusual Whales tweeted, “Amazon workers in NYC are going on strike right before Christmas, per MorePerfectUnion.”

Can Rudolph, Hermey the Elf and Yukon Cornelius save Christmas again?

ITEM 34: Bruce LeVell reported, “NBA ratings have dropped 48% since 2012, with a 28% decline this year alone on ESPN. Meanwhile, every other major sports league is breaking ratings records.”

Can Michael Jordan, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck save basketball again?

ITEM 35: Fox reported, “Social media erupts as kids correct Jill Biden’s ‘Happy Holidays’ with ‘Happy Christmas:’ Epic response.”

She needs to lay off the coffee because she’s too woke.

FINALLY, Kurt Schlichter tweeted, “What song should be blasting as Pete Hegseth walks out to his confirmation hearing?”

I did not like his choices so I am offering my own. The last choice is actually titled Tuff Enuf.