Highlights of the week

ITEM 1: New York Post tweeted with video, “Police bring donuts to toddler after he calls 911 for an emergency snack.”

And you can bet they were the best donuts in town because they were cop-approved.

ITEM 2: Elon Musk tweeted, “Raptor 3 has almost twice the thrust and much higher reliability than Raptor 1, despite costing about four times less!”

It runs on a secret ingredient: Viagra.

ITEM 3: NBC reported, “Bay Area workers, students take part in Day Without Immigrants protests.”

Trump is working hard to make that day year-round when it comes to the illegals.

ITEM 4: The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service urged Americans to eat more invasive wildlife, saying, “Eating invasive species can help protect native wildlife by reducing their numbers and limiting the damage they cause to ecosystems.”

I am all for eliminating invasive species, but barbecuing Haitian gangbangers is just plain wrong.

ITEM 5: Yahoo Finance tweeted, “BlackRock’s Panama Canal deal is latest win for chief Larry Fink's strong start to Trump era.”

Hold on. BlackRock are the good guys?

Next you’ll be telling me Democrats won’t cheer a 13-year-old cancer survivor. They would support him if he changed his sex while he was under the knife.

ITEM 6: Rachel Parker tweeted with a video, “Alberta lawyer Jeffrey Rath says a delegation is planning to travel to D.C. to pitch President Trump on Alberta statehood.”

Fine but they still have to change their name to Gay North Dakota.

OK, maybe Gay Montana since they share a border.

ITEM 7: CBS tweeted, “Greenland's PM responds to Trump speech: ‘We don't want to be Americans.’ ”

They sound like Democrats.

ITEM 8: CNN reported, “Sylvester Turner, Democratic congressman and former Houston mayor, dies at 70.”

Only 70. So young.

ITEM 9: Ed Morrissey reported, “MSNBC Panel: Democrats Really FUBAR’d the Moment, Huh?”

Fu Bar. Must be a gin joint in China.

ITEM 10: Conservative Brief reported, “JD Vance To Visit Border As Illegal Crossings Plummet To Historic Lows.”

Oh sure, now he comes after the problem has been fixed.

Well, at least he knows where the border is, unlike his predecessor.

ITEM 11: Thus spoke Senator Kennedy:

“When you trim fat, pigs squeal. That’s just the way the world works.”

In DC, the pigs file lawsuits.

ITEM 12: CNBC reported, “NHL commissioner says league could be affected by U.S.-Canada tariffs.”

Trudeau and Trump awarding their home teams an extra goal at the start of the game is problematic.

ITEM 13: ABC reported, “The U.S. now has in custody a key figure in three major terror attacks, including the deadly 2021 suicide bombing targeting U.S. soldiers at Abbey Gate in Afghanistan that killed 13 U.S. military servicemembers.”

Will FJB be tried as an accomplice?

ITEM 14: Danish PM Mette Frederiksen said, “Peace in Ukraine is more dangerous than the ongoing war.”

OK. Send in her two draft-aged kids.

ITEM 15: Quartz reported, “SpaceX’s Starship megarocket exploded and rained debris for the second time in a row.”

Democrats cheered—something they don’t do for 13-year-old boys battling cancer.

ITEM 16: New York Post reported, “DHS Sec. Kristi Noem visits site where migrant allegedly torched sleeping woman on NYC subway.”

Petula Clark’s Don’t Sleep in the Subway was once a love song, Now it’s a Public Service Announcement.

ITEM 17: The Times of Israel reported, “In 1st, U.S. holding secret direct talks with Hamas to free American hostages, end war.”

So much for it being a secret.

ITEM18: BBC reported, “NZ fires envoy to UK who questioned Trump’s grasp of history.”

I question the envoy’s grasp of diplomacy.

ITEM 19: The Daily Mail reported, “CIA begins DOGE-inspired purge of employees as they get summoned to off-site location to surrender badges.”

They were probationary employees, the shallow end of the deep state.

ITEM 20: NBC tweeted, “Hamilton is pulling out of plans to perform at the Kennedy Center next year, citing President Trump’s shakeup of the art institution’s leadership.”

The protest comes from people honoring a man who helped create the Constitution that puts the president in charge of things like the Kennedy Center. But what do you expect from people who didn’t know Hamilton was white?

ITEM 21: Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent said, “The market and the economy have just become hooked. We’ve become addicted to this government spending, and there’s going to be a detox period.”

Federal spending has been the Naloxone to revive an economy overdosing on cheap imports.

ITEM 22: NYT reported, “ActBlue, the Democratic Fund-Raising Powerhouse, Faces Internal Chaos.

“At least seven senior officials have left the group, setting off deep concerns about its future as it confronts scrutiny from congressional Republicans.”

ActBlue is acting broke. It just lost its biggest donor.

Uncle Sam.

ITEM 23: BBC reported, “Work is under way to make all men in Poland undergo military training, Prime Minister Donald Tusk said.”

Poland is a rare European country that still has men who are not Muslim. Again.

ITEM 24: Benny Johnson tweeted with video, “DC homeless camps are being cleared out just TWO DAYS after the mayor of DC was ordered to do so.”

Finally the homeless will have a home.

Jail.

ITEM 25: ABC tweeted, “The Department of Homeland Security said Friday that it is ending the collective bargaining agreement with tens of thousands of frontline employees at the TSA, marking a major attack on worker rights under the Trump administration.”

Homeland Security tweeted, “At 86% of airports, TSA has more agents doing full-time union work than performing screening duties. Thanks to Secretary Noem’s action, Transportation Security Officers will no longer lose their hard-earned dollars to a union that does not represent them.”

That's about the size
It's where you put your eyes
That's about the size of it.

ITEM 26: NBC reported, “Trump threatens to impose large scale sanctions on Russia until a peace agreement with Ukraine is reached.”

Put Zelenksy and Putin in a get-along shirt already.

ITEM 27: On Tuesday, Trump gave the first of his second term SOTU speeches, telling Congress, “The media and our friends in the Democrat Party kept saying we needed new legislation, we must have legislation to secure the border. But it turned out that all we really needed was a new president.”

Elections have consequences.

ITEM 28: CBS tweeted, “U.S. Army soldiers accused of selling military secrets, including to China.”

Not to be outdone, the Pentagon bought an ancient Chinese secret: “We need more Calgon.”

ITEM 29: President Trump announced, “For the first time in 15 months, the job gains for native-born Americans exceeded the job gains for migrant and foreign workers. Employment for native-born workers went up by 284,000 while foreign born workers went down by 87,000.”

Americans, doing the jobs illegal aliens can’t.

ITEM 30: Eyal Yakoby tweeted, “The Trump Administration has canceled $400 million in federal funding to Columbia University over its failure to address antisemitism.”

Gonna need some Gaza to cover that wound.

ITEM 31: AP reported, “Hundreds of weather forecasters and other federal National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration employees on probationary status were fired Thursday, lawmakers and weather experts said.”

Here’s an idea, have the weather experts who make money off the NOAA data hire them.

FINALLY, FJB killed 150 million chickens to prevent them from getting covid, er, bird flu which could kill them. This caused a national shortage of eggs.

Democrats blame Trump.

Three polls today. Hope you did your homework.

I asked Grok, “Create a five-answer poll in the style of Don Surber about DOGE cuts.”

It did and it gave these as answers.

The Swamp Rats “Unelected leeches finally getting the boot. Cry me a river.”

The Taxpayers “Less IRS goons, more cash stays in our pockets. Oops, they cut the wrong stuff.”

The Dems “Screaming about ‘oversight’ while their gravy train derails.”

Musk’s Ego “Billionaire plays budget cop, but the math’s as shaky as a Tesla stock dip.”

All of Us “Chaos reigns, veterans weep, and Ebola’s back on the menu. Nice work, geniuses.”

Hey Grok, don’t quit the day job. (I do like the second choice.)