DeSantis for president — of Disney

Just two years ago, all were happy in the Magic Kingdom. Sure, the pandemic panic had shut down its parks, but Disney had its movies and television networks to keep its profits warm. Its new streaming service — Disney+ — was a newly opened gold mine for the world’s largest media company. Its stock traded at $177 a share in August 2021.

Now it is $87 a share. It lost nearly a half-billion bucks in the last three months.

Disney took its eye off the ball. It played politics instead of minding its store. The lure of LGBT was so strong it kept Disney from tending to family-friendly fare. CEO Bob Chapek decided to enter Florida politics and oppose the Parental Rights in Education Act, which prohibits teachers from talking about their sex lives to kindergarteners and other prepubescent children.

Disney’s opposition was absurd but it showed management would rather please the LGBT mafia than make money. Investors lost half their investment.

The company’s opposition also was a bad business decision because it dragged Disney management away from tending to its business, which was surprisingly under attack on many fronts. Its parks division suffered the after effects of the lockdown. High prices also put the park out of the reach of most families with kids and those who can afford Disney have other more upscale alternatives that do not involve standing in line in the hot sun and spending hundreds of dollars on junk food.

Its ESPN had gotten fat and earnestly politically correct with its $6 a month cable fees. Most cable outlets did. Now millions of people have cut the cord, which is cutting into profits. ESPN ended last month by firing 20 presenters as its layoffs begin.

In reporting the pink slips, Deadline said, “A person familiar with the cutbacks told Deadline they are unrelated to the multi-round Disney layoffs implemented in recent months. The source indicated that many of those affected by the new cuts have contracts beyond June 30 and will be paid out accordingly, but parting ways will enable ESPN to avoid wider layoffs.”

Yes, management screwed up and so workers lose their jobs. In a rare act of corporate accountability, Disney sacked Chapek and brought Bob Iger back as CEO. That hasn’t worked.

CNBC reported on Wednesday, “Disney recorded $2.65 billion in one-time charges and impairments, dragging the company to a rare quarterly loss. The majority of those charges were what Disney called ‘content impairments’ related to pulling content off its streaming platforms and ending third-party licensing agreements.

“Disney posted a net loss of $460 million, or 25 cents per share, during the quarter, down from a net income of $1.41 billion, or 77 cents per share, during the year ago period. Excluding those impairments, the company earned an adjusted $1.03 per share.”

Excluding the $2.65 billion it lost — excuse me, in impairments — Disney made $1.03 a share. And excluding the bills I have paid over the years, I am a multi-millionaire.

Disney’s troubles are bad. Not endorsed-by-Dylan Mulvaney bad, but still bad. Walt Disney would never have fallen for the false hope of adding LGBT without losing the company’s fan base. To be sure, he nearly lost the studio when his gamble on Fantasia failed. But he was doing it for art’s sake, not politics.

Under the two Bobs — Chapek and Iger — the company has made bad movie after bad movie as Disney has turned sure-fire movie franchises (Indiana Jones, Star Wars and Toy Story) into box office poison. A bigger problem is its costs are out of control.

Forbes reported, “Disney has revealed that it spent $965 million on four of its most high-profile streaming and film flops this year.

“Disney has been on a cost-cutting drive since its chief executive Bob Iger returned to the helm of the company in November last year. Three months later he told investors that the studio needs to ‘reduce costs on everything that we make because, while we're extremely proud of what's on the screen, it's gotten to a point where it's extraordinarily expensive.’ It is no exaggeration.”

While Disney was blowing a billion bucks on four films, it shelved Sound of Freedom, which cost less than $15 million to make. It is a surprise hit this summer with a box office so far that is 11 times its costs. As far as I can tell, its marketing consists of tweets.

Disney hasn’t learned. Its live-action remake of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs will have only one dwarf and its Snow will be brown, not white. This is worse than Larry the Cable Guy’s Snow Caucasian and the Seven Handy Capable Little Persons parody.

Remember?

To pay the bills and to avoid further failure, Iger now is trying to pawn off ESPN, ABC and the rest of its cable outlets to some unwitting oligarch. The Hollywood Reporter speculated that Apple may be interested in bailing him out. Oh for the good old days when Google was buying everyone out.

But who will save Disney+?

The Financial Times said, “While the TV business is a big headache for Iger, he also faces the challenge of slashing the huge losses in Disney’s streaming businesses, which the company has forecast will not turn its first profit until 2024.”

How do you not make money when you can offer just about anyone in the world access to the most storied collection of family-friendly fare in the world? The company has 80 years of high-quality material produced by Disney, plus the Muppets, plus Pixar, plus just about everyone else who made wholesome entertainment for kids.

Here’s how. Breitbart reported, “The Disney+ streaming service lost 300,000 subscribers in the United States and Canada in the most recent quarter — an ominous sign for the studio as it continues to pour billions of dollars into new streaming content that is flopping with viewers.

“To make matters worse for its fans, the Walt Disney Company is hiking Disney+’s monthly subscription price to $13.99 from $10.99 — a 27% increase. Last year, the price rose to $10.99 from $7.99, which means Disney+ subscribers will see their monthly bill climb a total of 75 percent in less than two years.

“The new price is set to take effect in October.”

Instead of addressing its own problems, Disney is blaming Florida Governor Ron DeSantis for this corporate clown show. The company actually is suing him over its troubles. The clueless press is solidly behind Disney.

New York magazine ran a story, “Disney Should Thank DeSantis for His Big Dumb Mouth. The biggest asset the lawsuit about political retaliation are his own words.”

Sure, Disney can get Ron to give them the $2.65 billion it needs to cover its impairments.

The press keeps making a big deal about Disney’s 75,000 employees in Florida.

10 million people have jobs in Florida. Disney is not even 1% of Florida’s employment base.

Now, I have a solution for Disney. It should replace Iger with DeSantis because the governor has what Disney lost: decency. Plus, he’s young, virile and is happily married to a good-looking gal who beat cancer.

At least that’s his public image and image is everything. Disney needs to regain the trust of fathers and mothers because without an audience, there is no Disney.

Sure, the LGBT people will get angry but angry is a default setting for most of them. They are for the most part an unhappy lot. Maybe that is why they are LGBT.

And there is no guarantee mainstream moms and dads will return. Money is tight for the middle class. Today’s toddlers have Baby Shark and Cocomelon to entertain them. Who needs some dumb old mouse?

Iger cannot save Disney from itself; an outsider could. DeSantis could use the job. The continual indictments of President Trump are pushing next year’s nomination out of reach. The governor’s gig ends in 2026. Why not jump to Disney and make some money? Turning Disney around might enhance his presidential resume.

Disney took on DeSantis and lost. Instead of suing him, it should hire him because he knows how to win — something Disney’s two Bobs have forgotten. It took them less than two years to ruin what took 99 years to build.