95 Comments

I wasn't aware of June being 'Accordion Awareness Month. You are right, Mr. Suber. Playing an accordion does take talent. Marching in a queer pride day parade ONLY qualifies you to be laughed at in a circus. "The acceptance of homosexuality in any civilization has been the downfall of that same civilization." History is an excellent teacher, people, which is why the teachers unions and school boards across The United States want to get rid of it.

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I think they aready have. They got rid of civics class right after I graduated, lord, 40 yrs ago. They have been getting rid of history ever since. They also have gotten rid of homework, and more than a 1 page paper. I had to write a 10 page paper to graduate. Now, homework, showing your math homework and writing a single page paper is raaaasssstiiiisssst. No, lazy butt, its called school.

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They probably mutilate the fetal pigs before biology class so you can't tell they have different sexes.

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Didn't know that the teachers union wanted to get rid of history. I thought they already had.

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beginning to sound like suppressed feelings. Methinks thou dost protest too much-Lear

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Odd that you think you understand everyone else, but ignore your own failings. Unless you have something intelligent to say, which you never do, don't contact me again.

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Fair enough, least loved of 11 children: CYRANO: Ah no! young punk!! That was a trifle short!

You might have said at least a hundred things

By varying the tone. . .like this, suppose,. . .

Aggressive: 'Sir, if I had such a nose I'd amputate it!'

Friendly: 'When you sup It must annoy you, dipping in your cup;

You need a drinking-bowl of special shape!'

Descriptive: ''Tis a rock!. . .a peak!. . .a cape! --

A cape, forsooth! 'Tis a peninsular!'

Curious: 'How serves that oblong capsular?

For scissor-sheath? Or pot to hold your ink?'

Gracious: 'You love the little birds, I think?

I see you've managed with a fond research

To find their tiny claws a roomy perch!'

Truculent: 'When you smoke your pipe. . .suppose

That the tobacco-smoke spouts from your nose--

Do not the neighbors, as the fumes rise higher,

Cry terror-struck: "The chimney is afire"?'

Considerate: 'Take care,. . .your head bowed low

By such a weight. . .lest head o'er heels you go!'

Tender: 'Pray get a small umbrella made,

Lest its bright color in the sun should fade!'

Pedantic: 'That beast Aristophanes Names Hippocamelelephantoles

Must have possessed just such a solid lump

Of flesh and bone, beneath his forehead's bump!'

Cavalier: 'The last fashion, friend, that hook?

To hang your hat on? 'Tis a useful crook!'

Emphatic: 'No wind, O majestic nose,

Can give THEE cold!--save when the mistral blows!'

Dramatic: 'When it bleeds, what a Red Sea!'

Admiring: 'Sign for a perfumery!'

Lyric: 'Is this a conch?. . .a Triton you?'

Simple: 'When is the monument on view?'

Rustic: 'That thing a nose? Marry-come-up!

'Tis a dwarf pumpkin, or a prize turnip!'

Military: 'Point against cavalry!'

Practical: 'Put it in a lottery!

Assuredly 'twould be the biggest prize!'

Or. . .parodying Pyramus' sighs. . .

'Behold the nose that mars the harmony

Of its master's phiz! blushing its treachery!'

--Such, my dear sir, is what you might have said,

Had you of wit or letters the least jot:

But, O most lamentable man!--of wit

You never had an atom, and of letters

You have three letters only!--they spell Ass!

And--had you had the necessary wit,

To serve me all the pleasantries I quote

Before this noble audience. . .e'en so,

You would not have been let to utter one--

Nay, not the half or quarter of such jest!

I take them from myself all in good part,

But not from any other man that breathes!

DE GUICHE (trying to draw away the dismayed viscount):

Come away, Viscount!

THE VISCOUNT (choking with rage): Hear his arrogance!

A country lout who. . .who. . .has got no gloves!

Who goes out without sleeve-knots, ribbons, lace!

CYRANO: True; all my elegances are within.

I do not prank myself out, puppy-like;

My toilet is more thorough, if less gay;

I would not sally forth--a half-washed-out

Affront upon my cheek--a conscience

Yellow-eyed, bilious, from its sodden sleep,

A ruffled honor,. . .scruples grimed and dull!

I show no bravery of shining gems.

Truth, Independence, are my fluttering plumes.

'Tis not my form I lace to make me slim,

But brace my soul with efforts as with stays,

Covered with exploits, not with ribbon-knots,

My spirit bristling high like your mustaches,

I, traversing the crowds and chattering groups

Make Truth ring bravely out like a clash of spurs!

Did I mention i was Cyrano in a high school play? Also, I just got a $5,000 a month raise. Suck on that, Toobin.

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Nice copy and paste. Got be negative on your own blog instead of riding on the back of this blog and insulting paid followers.

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Fair enough, punko. While observing your canine qualities, I mark their manner and think: My friends are of a cleaner breed; here comes, Thank God, another enemy-Cyrano 829

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My Creator Liked it! Akin to giving an aphrodisiac to a nymphomaniac. ICYMI, Tony questioned my service to my country: Au Contraire, young punko. 24 months to the day. I was Sergeant Majors. Missed combat (hence the guilt). Only thing I learned in basic training was it took 7 punks to keep 3 heroes on the front lines. Vowed to become 1 of the Magnificent 7. Personnel; pulled KP one time; caught pure Hell from 2 cooks. 2 weeks later, they were off to Korea, from Ft Bliss. Moral: Don't diss your KIng.

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You were Sergeant Majors? Ie, plural? Me thinks not. It took me twenty years to get there, and I knew how to spell it too, smart ass.

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made it 24 months with a little luck-20 years? I feel sorry for such a dummy.

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feeling a little sheepish, grammar Nazi? Try this: IT"S METHINKS>apologize or be cursed forevah-your call.

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nothing on your orange disc? PINKPUP might be more apropos.

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Don, need a better screening orocess.

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The ass-less chaps, drag queens and open-air sex is enough to turn me off. It is not a celebration. It is an exhibition in degeneration that normal people don't feel the need to exercise. I'd rather listen to an accordion and bagpipes weal Dueling Banjos... and that's coming from a banjo player.

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Your post reminded me about a Norman Schwarzkopf story, when the French declined to join the alliance in the Desert Storm campaign. When asked about the French absence, Schwarzkopf said "going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without an accordion."

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Or Patton's quote 'I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me'.

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My wife was on her way to a gig with her accordion when she stopped at a convenience store for a cup of coffee. Sadly she had left the car door unlocked and when she got back she saw in horror that someone had thrown another one into the car while she was away.

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My sister started playing the accordion back in Germany in`53. Dad was stationed there, and the Polka was played alot in our house. She's pushing 80, and still has the thing. Ah, memories. Happy Accordion Awareness Month all.....

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Good column, Don. In addition to Accordion Awareness Month, it's also the month for Juneteenth - the day when the Union soldiers officially made the last Democrats give up their slaves back in 1865. This, in addition to pride month, should serve as a reminder to every Black American that Democrats never wanted to give up their slaves and were so mad that they replaced slavery with Jim Crow. Today, the Democratic Party continues their war on Black Americans by trying to erase Juneteenth and by diluting their labor advantage with illegal immigrants. And, if you are being honest, the Democrats are still importing slaves because even if you import someone to work for you and pay them a pittance, it's still slavery.

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Amen. I've said this for years.

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Good comment, Mick!

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"... represents people from Central and Eastern Europe. They and Italians are considered lesser people by many other white people."

Really? Accordion to who?

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HaHaHa! Smart Alec! You’re in good company today.

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I've had hundreds of Italian and Polack jokes fired at me along with all the Jew jokes. Thanks to genetic diversification, my kids proudly add Irish insults to their resumes.

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Ar least we haven’t seen Dylan Mulvaney sporting an accordion yet. Afraid that would pretty much ruin the accordion in this country.

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We have to stop allowing filthy degenerate morons to ruin something fine for the rest of us. All Mulvaney should be permitted to destroy is himself & his ilk!

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I doubt he would even know how to hold it.

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I dread to think what he might try with it. Even the best proctologist might not be able to recover it.

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re: The photo used : Hubba hubba!

As for the place NOT to bring the accordion: deer hunting. Bring it to a hospital zone and even those in the morgue will get up and dance!

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Agree. But would rather the photo without the damn accordion 🪗. She's a complete smoke!

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Talented is better.

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Agreed!

A woman is a woman, but a cigar is a SMOKE!

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Depends, if I'm playing it, the critically ill will beg to be taken off life support and the fakers will be magically healed.

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"If you have pride not in something you have mastered after years of struggle but for just having sex, I pity you, fool, because you have wasted your life."

True dat. I play guitar and have dabbled in the accordion and it is not easy.

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Andrew Bierce wrote a great little tome called the Devils Dictionary…

Accordion noun… An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

But I’d take one for the team any day if Christina Hendricks was playing the ‘Too Fat Polka’

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Up here its also Indigenous Awareness Month…

Just how many A’s and H’s in Shadenfreude…3 each…hahaha!

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I don’t get it! 3As & 3 Hs? Maybe you misspelt Trumpenfreude?

And here I was, full of myself because I picked with the majority in today’s poll.

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Hi Neera

Have you ever heard that if you have to explain a joke or (what I thought was) a witty comment it loses it’s punch…

Anyway, here goes

Shadenfreunde means literally Shadow joy… the kind of thing that you experience when some jerk you can’t stand slips on a banana peel and winds up in a manhole…but you, being well brought up by proper parents, can’t express your happiness out loud, but to your own self say (notice the absence of caps) ‘hahaha’

There is already an a and an h in the word… I just expanded on the quiet level of glee!

In this case we have the Indians having to give up part of their ongoing pity party to the gearbox’s and trannies…so hahaha!

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Good explanation but a real stretch

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So being in the mood for a little give and take…How So Joe.

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FINALLY, I GOT IT! 3 a’s & 3 h’s - hahaha -,but I repeat myself. Thanks guys, laughter really is the best medicine!

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Your column brought to mind the following: The definition of a gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipes — but doesn’t.

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The venerable accordion, together with the banjo, harmonica, kazoo, and Jew's harp are the forgotten instruments of the symphony orchestra.

Note that I did not include the bagpipes, which in most cases can only be paired with drums.

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Might I respectfully request that a distinction be made between pipes, and Irish pipes?

https://youtu.be/L-hkKmhssSU

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Agree. But it is the highland pipes that sing to my Gaelic soul.

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As a banjo player, I can tell you that we are the accordion player of stringed instruments. Versatile and under appreciated outside of the 1950's.

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Mr. Surber, after reading this I'll be thinking of June in this way. But, it's still the month chosen for the US golf championship, isn't it? Right there at Father's Day?

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You say it would be unwise for deer hunting, but I bet you could call plenty of geese with one.

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I heard Lawrence Welk relented and eventually hired Teleshev back!

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Happy Accordion Month Don!! By the way, your cat is on a roll these days.

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