Highlights of the week

ITEM 1: Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal published a letter and claimed Trump sent it to Epstein. Trump responded by saying he didn’t. On Friday, Trump formally sued Sir Rupert and the once-greatest newspaper in the land for $10 billion.

Trump settled lawsuits with ABC and CBS for $30 million donated to his presidential library. In light of this latest media lie, architects have upgraded their plans for the Trump presidential library as shown above.

ITEM 2: The Hill reported, “The Senate voted early Thursday to claw back $9 billion in federal funding for global aid programs and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, sending the package requested by President Trump to the House for a final vote.”

The House approved it the next day.

Oh no. That means there will be no Sesame Street in Iraq or transgender opera in Colombia.

ITEM 3: Western Standard reported, “Carney Liberals to spend $330K on artificial nearly NHL-size rink for Rideau Hall.”

Artificial? Canadians should skate only on nearly NHL-sized rinks that grow naturally in the woods. I believe they call them ponds.

ITEM 4: NBC reported, “The Trump administration revoked federal funding for California’s high-speed rail project on Wednesday, intensifying uncertainty about how the state will make good on its promise of building a bullet train between San Francisco and Los Angeles.”

After that first visit to Butler, Trump has a grudge with bullets be they trains or tins.

ITEM 5: To get voter approval in 2008, Democrats promised to complete the train project by 2020.

Then again, climate change was supposed to destroy both cities 10 years earlier right after overpopulation starved everyone in 2000.

ITEM 6: Breitbart reported, “The Department of Justice has fined a Mississippi-based company for favoring foreign workers on H-2A visas over American job applicants.”

Taking the jobs Americans want to do.

ITEM 7: Space.com reported, “The largest Mars rock on Earth is up for auction in NYC—it could be yours for $4 million (or more).”

Sure, sure, sure. It came from Mars, and I have a turd that came from Uranus.

Oh wait. They changed the pronunciation to urine-us so make that a pea from Uranus.

ITEM 8: The New York Post reported, “Trump says Coca-Cola agreed to use real cane sugar in U.S. drinks: ‘It’s just better!’ ”

Now to elect Eric Clapton president to get them to add cocaine.

ITEM 9: AP reported, “Trump administration fires 17 immigration court judges across 10 states, union says.”

Immigration judges have a union? That explains the backlog of 3.5 million illegal alien cases.

ITEM 10: Matt Vespa reported, “AG Pam Bondi Fires James Comey’s Daughter.”

Like father, like daughter. She blew the Sean Combs case like Daddy blew the case against Hillary. Comey Juniorette’s 12-minute closing argument consisted of singing Do Wah Diddy Diddy over and over again.

ITEM 11: WaPo reported, “Trump and Epstein had a relationship, but there’s no evidence of Trump wrongdoing.”

I am not saying hell froze over but I am saying Canada’s PM might not need to pay $330,000 for a new ice rink.

ITEM 12: AP tweeted, “Fauja Singh, the world’s oldest marathoner, died at 114 after being hit by a car in his Punjab village. Known as the Turbaned Tornado, he rose to fame at 89 by smashing records at the London Marathon and inspiring runners worldwide.”

I was right. Running can kill you. This is why I don’t run.

ITEM 13: CTV News reported, “American fighter jets were scrambled towards the Vancouver airport on Tuesday as a small plane that was allegedly hijacked from Victoria flew in circles around British Columbia’s largest airport, the pilot’s intentions still unclear.”

The plane landed safely, but we have to protect the 51st state. It’s the stepbrotherland.

ITEM 14: AP reported, “A federal appeals court ruled Wednesday that Arkansas can enforce its ban on critical race theory in classrooms, ruling the First Amendment doesn’t give students the right to compel the state to offer its instruction in public schools.”

It ran a file photo from nearly 68 years ago on the 101st Airborne making sure 9 black kids could enroll at Central High in Little Rock. The irony is the federal courts ordered that, too.

ITEM 15: On her podcast, Michelle Obama said, “There hasn’t been one moment in our marriage where I have thought about quitting on my man.”

He said the same thing.

ITEM 16: Senator John Kennedy tweeted:

Everybody had a kid in their class growing up who ate paste.

The problem is that Zohran Mamdani and Rep. Ocasio-Cortez both grew up to be the leaders of today’s Democrat Party—and the rest of the party has no idea what to do.

As Hollywood Henderson said of Terry Bradshaw, these two couldn’t spell cat if you spotted them the C and the A.

ITEM 17: More John Kennedy: “Somebody needs to tell my Democrat colleagues that the voices in their heads are not real. The American people DO NOT support open borders.”

But the voices in their heads are MS-13, George Soros and Red China and they have money.

ITEM 18: Kyle Cheney of Politico tweeted, “Judge Jia Cobb has dismissed the lawsuit by FBI agents who feared retaliation by the Trump administration, saying their fears—while borne of chaos at the beginning of the administration—are too speculative to support their claims.”

Even a Biden appointee knows they had nothing to fear but their own stupidity itself.

ITEM 19: Late Nighter reported, “CBS Cancels The Late Show With Stephen Colbert—Show to End in May 2026.”

I feel sad for the Dancing Vaccines who will lose their jobs.

ITEM 20: Harry Enten reported, “Republicans who approve of Trump—look at our CNN poll. The prior one: 86%. The one out this week: 88% with Republicans.

"How about Quinnipiac? The prior poll: 87% approval for Republicans. This week out: 90% with Republicans!

“If anything, Donald Trump's approval rating has gone up since this whole Epstein saga started. He is at the apex or close in terms of his popularity with Republican voters.”

Politicizing Epstein’s list didn’t work. OK, what’s next, Democrats? Oh yes, his swollen ankles.

ITEM 21: Karoline Leavitt said, “An echocardiogram was also performed and confirm normal cardiac structure and function. No signs of heart failure, renal impairment or systemic illness were identified.”

Do any readers have a spare pair of compression socks for the Orange Man?

ITEM 22: Jennifer Lopez is considering moving to Puerto Rico said, “I’m tired of Trump’s bullshit.”

Shh. Don’t tell her.

ITEM 23: PJ Media reported, “California Gov. Gavin Newsom claimed that he did not want to bulldoze the remains of burned-down Palisades houses and replace them with low-income housing. But that is apparently exactly what he’s doing now, with the help of the California legislature—and Donald Trump’s special missions envoy is furious. Richard Grenell accused Newsom of lying about his fire recovery goals.”

Let’s see. They drained the water reservoir ahead of fire season, Mayor Fidel Bass left town, and the fire department arrived late to the scene. But this was not planned.

If you believe that, I have a rock from Mars for sale.

ITEM 24: Ed Morrissey reported, “HHS To End Medicare/Medicaid Funding for Providers of Pediatric Sex Changes.”

If RFK Jr. can keep dye out of Froot Loops, he can keep estrogen out of your boy.

ITEM 25: Kevin Finn asked, “Where are the Blue Dog Democrats?”

At the feed store wearing MAGA caps.

ITEM 26: Newsweek reported, “Economic Warning as More Than Half-Million People Could Leave US This Year.”

Cue Nancy Faust to play Sha Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye.

ITEM 27: Tulsi Gabbard tweeted that she has enough evidence to convict members of Obama’s national security team who cooked up the Russiagate hoax. She’s turning the case over to Pam Bondi and federal prosecutors.

Obama’s place in history may be Alcatraz.

ITEM 28: NBC one month ago said, “National Intelligence Director Tulsi Gabbard, an outspoken critic of past U.S. military interventions abroad, appears to have fallen out of favor with President Donald Trump as he weighs military action against Iran, according to multiple senior administration officials with knowledge of the matter.”

The story had five names in the byline.

More names, less truth.

ITEM 29: Me: I will always stand by Donald Trump.

Headline: Trump says he wants to ditch the word ‘soccer’. Does America finally understand football?

Me: Impeach.

ITEM 30: Marco Rubio announced, “Today, thanks to President Trump’s leadership and commitment to the American people, the United States welcomes home ten Americans who were detained in Venezuela. Until today, more Americans were wrongfully held in Venezuela than any other country in the world. It is unacceptable that Venezuelan regime representatives arrested and jailed U.S. nationals under highly questionable circumstances and without proper due process. Every wrongfully detained American in Venezuela is now free and back in our homeland.”

OK, maybe I was a tad too harsh. No impeachment, but we call it soccer because Americans play real football not that kicky thing where you bounce the ball off your noggin.

FINALLY, reader Keith Korman wrote a book, 1775, on the beginning of the American rebellion. I liked it because it is written in the language of the time. It’s on Amazon.