Highlights of the week

ITEM 1: We Love Trump reported, “President Trump to Attend Daytona 500 This Weekend!”

He’ll be driving Car No. 47. Screw you, Ricky Stenhouse.

ITEM 2: NPR reported, “The Canadian government has stripped Buffy Sainte-Marie of one of the country's highest honors, after a 2023 news report found she had fabricated claims of indigenous ancestry.”

Not only is she not an Indian, she is not Canadian. She was born in Massachusetts.

ITEM 3: Mediaite reported, “PBS Caves To Trump, Ousts Staffers: ‘We Have Closed Our DEI Office.’ ”

Good because now PBS can hire Buffy Sainte-Marie instead of an Indian who can’t sing.

ITEM 4: Breitbart reported, “A contract for a pricey museum exhibit for Dr. Anthony Fauci has been canceled as the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) exposes rampant waste.”

$168,000 saved? Keep the exhibit, lose Tony the Phony’s million-dollar pensions.

ITEM 5: Democrat Congresswoman Melanie Stansbury said, “I don't think there is anyone in America that wants to wake up tomorrow and find out that they have to boil their water because the EPA's workforce has been escorted out of the building.

“So DOGE is already here. These guys have already hacked the system.”

EPA also regulates air pollution. Does this mean we have to boil the air, too?

ITEM 6: We Love Trump reported, “Trump Administration Directive Could Potentially FIRE Around 200,000 Federal Employees Within Two Days.”

As they say about putting 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean, that’s a start.

ITEM 7: On July 13, Trump met with hostage Marc Fogel’s then 95-year-old mother in Butler, Pennsylvania. Fogel was in a Russian prison for four years for possession of less than an ounce of marijuana. Trump told her, if I go in, he gets put out.

On Tuesday, Trump kept that promise. Fogel spent the night in the Lincoln Bedroom. Trump didn’t trade an international arms dealer for him, either.

Trump not only sucks at being a Nazi, but he also sucks at being Putin’s puppet. The man is as useless as an office of government ethics.

ITEM 8: Meghan McCain tweeted, “Why couldn’t Biden bring Marc Fogel home?

“The man was in prison over three years and Trump took just 3 weeks to do it?

“Why was Biden unable or unwilling to make it happen? I genuinely want the answer here.”

Answer: Fogel is a schoolteacher. If he were a tranny who could hit three pointers and rebound, FJB might have cared.

ITEM 9: The Economics Times reported, “Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has proposed a mineral partnership with U.S. President Donald Trump, offering access to Ukraine’s rare earths and critical minerals in exchange for continued financial and military support. During an interview with Reuters, Zelensky reviewed a once-classified map of Ukraine’s vast deposits of rare earths, highlighting their strategic importance.”

So, he wants rare earth, eh? I know readers are waiting for the obligatory nod to a certain rock group but I’ll just keep you hanging on.

ITEM 10: Zero Hedge reported, “Zelensky Offers Land Swap With Putin To End War.”

Putin already traded dead Russian, Ukrainian and Korean soldiers for the land. Disgusting.

ITEM 11: CNN reported, “The White House bans the AP indefinitely over the use of ‘Gulf of Mexico.’ ”

USAID paid AP, so they will call it whatever we say it is. The Gulf of AP Is A Poopy Head sounds good to me.

Too bad AP doesn’t have rare earth elements or minerals so we can get the money back.

ITEM 12: The Senate confirmed Tulsi Gabbard as DNI.

Trump let Meghan McCain in the Oval Office for the ceremony, but not AP.

ITEM 13: Ian Jaeger tweeted, “Senator Mike Lee introduces a bill to defund NPR and PBS.”

Yo, Senator Capito, defund Politico, AP, Reuters and NYT.

ITEM 14: The Daily Beast drooled, “Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor Sounds Alarm Over Trump’s ‘Monarchy’ Power Grab.”

After what we’ve gone through these last few years, crown him, although calling his youngest son Prince Barron will be confusing.

ITEM 15: Talking Points Memo reported, “Donald Trump is Now the Mayor of New York.”

This comes after TPM named Musk president.

Does this make Eric Adams the CEO of Tesla?

ITEM 16: Mark Mitchell of Rasmussen Reports tweeted, “For the first time in over 20 years of polling, Right Direction EXCEEDS Wrong Track today.”

I credit Taylor Swift losing the Super Bowl.

ITEM 17: CBS reported “Car drives into crowd in Munich, Germany, wounding 30 people in suspected attack, officials say.”

Those darned cars driving themselves into crowds again. Ought to deport them all.

ITEM 18: Resist the Mainstream reported, “Judge Reverses Ruling on Trump’s ‘Buyout’ Offer to Fed Workers.”

Democrats changed their minds. They are going to take the money and run, as per usual.

ITEM 19: Fox reported, “Trump scores ‘unequivocal victory’ against Pulitzer Prize board members, court denies request to dismiss suit.”

That Trump Presidential Library Tower is about to get one story higher.

ITEM 20: CNN reported, “Insecure star Issa Rae has canceled a previously scheduled event set to be held at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts following news that President Donald Trump was elected the center’s new chairman.”

She is protesting Trump.

Also, she would like to be paid. The center has no money after FJB spent every dime in the budget and depleted its reserves on the way out.

ITEM 21: Deadline reported, “The Kennedy Center, under Donald Trump’s newly announced leadership, has canceled its tour of Finn, an acclaimed Kennedy Center-produced children’s musical about a young shark who, in the words of the show’s creators, ‘wants to let out his inner fish.’ ”

Sharks call their inner fish lunch. The center would be better off showing Baby Shark videos.

ITEM 22: Kenin Spivak wrote, “The president’s out-of-the-box proposal that the United States take an ownership interest in Gaza and assist in relocating the Palestinians, many of whom would die for their hill of rubble, is vintage Trump.”

Buy it and let the federal government run it. Then watch all the Palestinians flee from the sea to the river for Jordan.

ITEM 23: Collin Rugg tweeted, “Letitia James rages after payments to the state of New York were halted by the Trump administration. I can’t imagine what life must be like for this woman. She went from thinking she would put the final nail in the coffin for Trump to now being sued by Trump’s own DOJ.”

First term delivered Trumpenfreude.

This term will deliver Prisonfreude.

ITEM 24: Washington’s Ghost tweeted, “Trump really framed his mugshot and put it right outside the Oval Office.”

Fani Willis soon may get one for her wall. In prison.

ITEM 25: The Mouth of the South, Senator Kennedy, tweeted a video and said, “Love is the answer—but you ought to own a handgun just in case. Happy Valentine’s Day, Louisiana!”

His way of reminding people that marriage is till death do we part.

ITEM 26: Leading Report tweeted, “IRS is reportedly about to lay off thousands of workers.”

Well, this will reduce their taxes next year.

ITEM 27: Zero Hedge reported, “DOGE Descends On IRS As Musk Prepares To Audit Agency.”

In Russia, the IRS audits you. In America, you audit the IRS.

ITEM 28: U.S. Army tweeted, “The US Army will no longer allow transgender individuals to join the military and will stop performing or facilitating procedures associated with gender transition for service members.”

Hey Navy. Here’s your chance to move in.

ITEM 30: Amuse tweeted, “The Doge team is causing a very real exodus from Washington DC. Housing listings are surging—over 14,825 in this snapshot alone. It’s less of a market shift and more of a mass evacuation, like rats fleeing a sinking ship.”

The average house in the DC area has dropped $150,000 in value to $758,000 so far this year.

Welcome to Youngstown 1990.

ITEM 31: NBC reported, “A letter from one federal prosecutor explains why the new administration is facing one of the largest Justice Department mass resignations since Watergate.”

They were going to be canned anyway.