Highlights of the Week
ITEM 1: Politico reported, “House Republicans pass hard-right defense bill as Dems sit out.”
What’s a hard-right defense bill? It has no provisions for tranny surgery, electric tanks or stockpiling white flags.
ITEM 2: NBC reported, “The Supreme Court on Wednesday rejected a request by South Carolina officials to bar a transgender boy from using the boys’ restrooms at his school.”
Ladies and gentlemen of the court, turn in your black robes and put on these clown suits because from now on you are bathroom monitors.
ITEM 3: Newsweek reported, “Bears President Announces Official Plans to Relocate Team Out of Chicago.”
Wow. Crime is so bad in Chicago that Bears are scared and leaving. I hope they take their Cubs with them.
ITEM 4: CNN reported, “Oliver North marries Fawn Hall, his document-shredding secretary at the center of Iran-Contra scandal.”
William J. Smith tweeted, “This is quite the 1980s flashback. Now we need Gary Hart to marry Donna Rice.”
ITEM 5: Fox reported, “Cracker Barrel drops restaurant remodels after fan outrage.”
The fan was outraged because it heard Cracker Barrel was bringing in air conditioning to replace it.
ITEM 6: The New York Post reported, “President Trump took the streets of Washington, DC, on Tuesday and dined out with members of his Cabinet as he touted the spectacular outcome of his crime crackdown in the nation’s capital.
“Trump’s outing to Joe’s Seafood, Prime Steak & Stone Crab—an upscale establishment about a block away from the White House—marks the first time the president has gone out to dinner in the district since the start of his second term.”
Going to McDonald’s doesn’t count, especially when you work there.
ITEM 7: CNBC reported, “Wholesale prices surprisingly fell slightly in August, providing breathing room for the Federal Reserve to approve an interest rate cut at its meeting this month, according to a Bureau of Labor Statistics report Wednesday.”
Third monthly dip in the seven months of Trump’s second presidency. So much for tariffs causing inflation.
ITEM 8: The Daily Mail reported, “Texas announces ban on Sharia Law after Muslim 'patrols' tried to ban alcohol and pork.”
A Texas without pork rinds may as well be Oklahoma.
ITEM 9: CBS declared, “Deadly kissing bug disease has spread in the U.S. Here’s what to know.”
Kissing bug disease? As a public service, I urge readers not to kiss any bugs.
ITEM 10: Red State reported, “Israel Blows Up Hamas’ Top Leadership in Daring Strike Inside Qatar.”
10 job openings for illegal aliens. The pay is good and the hours are short but the best part is the pension plan includes 72 virgins. Most new Hamas leaders can collect in as little as two weeks.
ITEM 11: Breitbart reported, “French Public Journalists Filmed Allegedly Scheming with Socialist Party About Election Strategy.”
I thought the French opposed American hegemony.
ITEM 12: CNBC reported, “Britain’s ambassador to the United States, Peter Mandelson, was fired Thursday after new revelations about his association with Jeffrey Epstein were revealed.”
PM Keir Starmer was just upset that Mandelson didn’t use British children. Abuse British, be British.
ITEM 13: Axios reported, “Biden world explodes at Kamala Harris’ new book.”
There’s a Biden world? Maybe the explosion was a misfire from a crackpipe.
ITEM 14: The Jeff Bezos Washington Post reported, “Trump’s D.C. emergency is ending. ICE and the National Guard can stay.”
Trump did in 30 days what home-rule couldn’t do in 52 years.
Having a mayor for 16 years who did crack didn’t help.
ITEM 15: The Intercept claimed (without evidence), “U.S. Attacked Boat Near Venezuela Multiple Times to Kill Survivors.”
Bullets are cheaper than incarceration.
ITEM 16: We Love Trump reported, “President Trump Announces He Will Posthumously Award Charlie Kirk The Presidential Medal Of Freedom.”
The battle did not end with Andrew Breitbart’s death. The fight continues after Charlie’s.
ITEM 17: UPI reported, “Congress probes UFOs in hearing on whistleblowers, transparency.”
Hey, I thought the guys in the UFOs were the ones who did all the probing.
ITEM 18: KTLA reported, “Anaheim explores possible entertainment tax for tickets, parking to ease deficit.”
Villagers to eat the Disneyland That Lays Golden Eggs rather than go on a diet.
ITEM 19: Shooting News Weekly reported, “The FBI Asking for Help Identifying Suspect in the Assassination of Charlie Kirk.”
Check the burn bags, Kash.
(I wrote this before the assassin’s dad turned him in. I would still look inside those bags.)
ITEM 20: Resist the Mainstream reported, “Majority-Muslim Suburb’s LGBTQ+ Flag Ban is Constitutional, Judge Says.”
Of course. They’re Muslims. If they were Christians, that would be another story.
ITEM 21: Resist the Mainstream also reported, “Flint Councilman Leon El-Alamin Returns to Seat Despite Felony Assault Charges and Residency Questions.”
Of course. He’s a Muslim.
ITEM 22: The Duke University Chronicle reported, “Jerry Seinfeld compares ‘Free Palestine’ movement to KKK in surprise Duke appearance.”
Well, they both hate Jews.
ITEM 23: Politico reported, “California lawmakers on Thursday sent Gov. Gavin Newsom legislation that would ban federal immigration agents from wearing masks while conducting raids throughout the state.”
That’s nice.
Now do Antifa.
ITEM 24: In light of the assassination of Charlie Kirk, both Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel boldly came out against “senseless gun violence.”
They are right. Let’s stick to sensible gun violence only.
ITEM 25: Democrats are calling for dialing down the rhetoric. They can go first.
Barack Obama: “If They Bring a Knife to the Fight, We Bring a Gun.”
Kamala Harris: “Donald Trump highlighted language from Nazi Germany on his social media. This kind of rhetoric is not surprising coming from him, and it once again shows that our freedoms and democracy are at stake.”
Hillary Clinton: “Hitler was duly elected. All of a sudden somebody with those tendencies, dictatorial, authoritarian tendencies, would be like ‘OK we’re gonna shut this down, we’re gonna throw these people in jail.’ And they didn’t usually telegraph that. Trump is telling us what he intends to do.”
More Hillary: “Trump actually reenacting the Madison Square Garden [Nazi] rally in 1939.”
Or as James Woods put it, “Having civil debate with a Democrat is like doing water ballet with a school of sharks.”
ITEM 26: Seán Ono Lennon had a thoughtful and lengthy tweet on the assassination, which included:
I did NOT agree with Charlie Kirk’s views on MANY important topics. I know he helped get Trump elected and people hate him for that. But he was a conservative Christian. What do you expect a conservative Christian to believe? How can those views surprise you? He argued those views calmly, reasonably, and considerately as far as I’ve seen.
But no matter what he did not deserve this. His wife did not deserve this. His kids did NOT deserve to have their world torn apart!
He speaks from experience. Perhaps we should listen.
ITEM 27: Road and Track reported, “A man has been arrested after police spotted him driving what appears to be a Power Wheels Barbie Jeep Wrangler in morning rush hour traffic. According to a report by the Prince George Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the man was intoxicated and had a suspended license.”
Has Ken no shame? It’s pink. Canada isn’t a pink car nation.
ITEM 28: NYT grumbled, “Appeals Court Lets Government Cut Off Medicaid Funds to Planned Parenthood.”
Lets? Congress and the president do not need the court’s permission to do their jobs.
ITEM 29: CNBC reported, “Senate Republicans trigger nuclear option, changing rules to speed up Trump nominees.”
Just recess and let the president appoint them through January 3, 2027. I feel like I am Scott Evil explaining simplicity to Dr. Evil.
ITEM 30: Our favorite president said, “We’re going to Memphis. Memphis is deeply troubled. We’re going to fix that just like we did Washington.”
ITEM 31: NYT tweeted, “Venezuela fired head coach Fernando Batista after they missed out on World Cup qualification, and the nation’s president, Nicolas Maduro, called for a restructuring of the side’s coaching staff.”
It could have been worse. Maduro could have made the coach a captain of a drug-running boat.
ITEM 32: DHS in Chicago announced, “[Friday] morning, while carrying out an enforcement operation targeting a criminal illegal alien, the alien resisted arrest, attempted to flee the scene and dragged a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer a significant distance with his car.
“The officer sustained multiple injuries and is in stable condition. The illegal alien was pronounced dead.”
One less welfare check to pay.
LESSON OF THE WEEK: Some of the people who oppose executing murderers are OK with executing someone who said something they dislike.
Then again, they also are OK with executing babies in the womb for convenience’s sake.
FINALLY, a reader wrote, “Charlie was one of a kind because he believed without hesitation and was gifted in his speech. He had some resemblance to Saint Polycarp.
“Polycarp walked from Syria to Rome sentenced by the Roman governor to be killed in the Coliseum by wild beasts and knew that was to be his fate every step he took, yet he kept walking. He died there burned alive as a special twist of hatred by the Romans. The fact is he could have easily escaped but his belief in Christ led him on.”
Charlie was a Christian first, last and always. May his memory be a blessing, true, but may his life inspire as well.
Anybody here seen my old friend Charlie?
Can you tell me where he’s gone?
I thought I saw him walkin’ up over the hill
With Abraham, Martin, and John
Hey, everybody! Did you see all the riots after Charlie Kirk's assassination? Yeah, me neither. We are definitely not the same.
Thank you Sir Don, You publish a brilliant blog 5 days a week and then on the 6th you publish ALL the highlights and humor of the week. You must have a team of ??? -- how many. You deserve the Bentley of your dreams.