Highlights of the week

Donald Trump plays Y.M.C.A. at his rallies. The Biden administration lives it.

ITEM 1: The New York Post reported, “Hedge funds shorting Tesla lost more than $5 billion after Trump win: report.”

So much winning. I am almost so tired of winning that I may go back to being a Browns fan.

Nyah.

ITEM 2: The Right Scoop reported, “James O’Keefe has just won a big victory in his defamation lawsuit against CNN which was dismissed by a federal judge in the state of Georgia.

“O’Keefe appealed the dismissal to the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals and they have reversed that judgement and is allowing the defamation case to proceed against CNN.”

He needs the trial to start soon before CNN runs out of viewers.

ITEM 3: We Love Trump reported, “Democrats aren’t even pretending to play nice this time. Rep. Wiley Nickel casually suggested forming a shadow government to counter President Donald Trump’s incoming administration.”

So the left has gone from democracy dies in darkness to hello darkness, my old friend.

ITEM 4: MyNorthwest News reported, “FDA recalls nearly 80,000 pounds of Costco product.”

Why? Because Costco failed to label the butter as made from milk. The FDA approved an untested vaccine but recalled 40 tons of butter to protect people from milk.

The S in U.S. government stands for Stupid.

ITEM 5: The Guardian melodramatically quit Twitter this week. Instapundit quietly returned after a self-imposed yearslong hiatus after a ruckus over a tweet.

𝕏-cellent trade.

ITEM 6: Trump appointed Pete Hegseth to head the military.

Elizabeth Warren went on the warpath and tweeted, “A Fox & Friends weekend co-host is not qualified to be the Secretary of Defense. I lead the Senate military personnel panel. All three of my brothers served in uniform. I respect every one of our servicemembers.”

Did any of her brothers make chief?

ITEM 7: Scott Jennings on CNN defended Hegseth, saying, “He's got 20 years in service. Afghanistan, Iraq. Two bronze stars. Princeton, Harvard. Yeah, he’s on TV, but so are the rest of us.”

The network is dumping its $20 million-a-year anchor, Anderson Vanderbilt Cooper. Looks like they are prepping Jennings for his own show.

POP QUIZ:

ITEM 8: The Chicago Sun-Times reported, “Trump bump in Chicago and Illinois, gaining popularity each year on the ballot. In terms of percentage, Donald Trump bested every Republican running for president in Illinois since 1992, according to unofficial statewide returns.”

13% in 2016. 22% this time.

Jussie Smollett was right. Chicago is MAGA country.

Well, 22% of it.

ITEM 9: AP reported, “Trump’s gains with Latinos could reshape American politics. Democrats are struggling to respond.”

Start by not calling them breakfast tacos.

ITEM 10: Reuters reported, “An attorney helping President-elect Donald Trump assemble his new administration warned career employees at the U.S. Justice Department on Monday that they could be fired if they tried to resist the Republican's agenda.”

Fired? I want them imprisoned for insurrection.

ITEM 11: Slate reported, “No Matter How Bad You Think an Attorney General Matt Gaetz Would Be, He’ll Be Worse.”

Cry louder. I’m hard of hearing.

ITEM 12: Ad Week reported, “Comcast, Disney, and IBM Are Among Advertisers Returning to X After Ad Freeze.”

They bowed to woke. Now they can bow to MAGA.

ITEM 13: Campus Reform reported, “San Jose State suspends women’s volleyball coach after she files Title IX complaint about 6-foot-tall male player on team.”

She is taking one for the team.

ITEM 14: Colorado Politics speculated, “Trump expected to move Space Command headquarters out of Colorado in his ‘first week.’ ”

Maybe trying to force Christians to bake cakes with dildos and Satan on them was not such a hot idea.

ITEM 15: ABC reported, “Trump and Biden both call for smooth transition in historic Oval Office meeting.”

Kamala spent the day counting bottles in the White House wine cellar.

ITEM 16: Mitch Thune will succeed Mitch McConnell as Republican leader.

At least this time his wife won’t be transportation secretary.

NOW, A MOMENT WITH ANDY ROONEY:

Ever notice how the press always demands Republicans reject a Cabinet appointment or two but never a Democrat one? I wonder why that is.

ITEM 17: The Gateway Pundit reported, “Los Angeles Times Owner Fires Far-Left Editorial Board — Wants ‘Factual and Balanced Coverage’ of Trump Presidency.”

The entire newsroom staff was placed on suicide watch while the guys who run the presses high-fived each other.

ITEM 18: CNBC reported, “The House just voted ‘yes’ on a bill that would increase Social Security checks for some pensioners.”

The some pensioners are 745,679 state and federal government retirees.

Civil Service privilege.

ITEM 19: Inevitable West tweeted, “Nigel Farage’s GB News is officially getting more views than both Sky News and BBC news! Last night they achieved 130% of the Sky News audience, and 108% of of the BBC News channel.

“People have lost faith in the MSM!”

I still say a British version of Nude News would kick all of them in the butt.

ITEM 20: WLWT reported, “Trump wins largest Republican share of vote in Clark County, home of Springfield, in at least 40 years.”

The Simpsons did it to protect Snowball 2 from Haitians.

ITEM 21: The New York Post reported, “Harris campaign paid Winfrey $1M, other celebs to appear with her in doomed presidential bid.”

And YOU get a million, and YOU get a million, and YOU get a million.

ITEM 22: Pierre Poilievre tweeted, “A man convicted in a French court for killing 4 people in a Paris synagogue bombing is living freely in Canada, even working as a professor teaching students about ‘social justice in action.’ ”

I may give up Tim Horton’s in protest.

ITEM 23: Resist the Mainstream reported, “In a recent development, ABC News is experiencing internal turmoil as they desperately seek conservative voices to counterbalance the perceived anti-Trump rhetoric shared by hosts on The View and other shows.”

Jane Fonda would be a more conservative voice compared to these loons.

ITEM 24: Wall Street Silver tweeted, “Lawyers at the Department of Justice are threatening to quit if Matt Gaetz is confirmed as Attorney General.”

Don’t worry. General Gaetz will have them back in court in no time.

As defendants.

ITEM 25: Jessica tweeted, “Employees at the FDA and CDC are threatening to quit if RFK Jr. is confirmed as Secretary of Health and Human Services.”

Wall Street Silver tweeted, “All of the employees in the Office for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (ODEI) are threatening to quit if Pete Hegseth is confirmed at Secretary of Defense.”

Self-deportations are the best deportations.

ITEM 26: Austin Berg tweeted, “Chicago City Council just struck down Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson's $300M property tax hike on a unanimous vote: 50-0. Stunning loss for a sitting mayor. Fantastic win for Chicagoans.”

Richard Daley would have ordered 50 pairs of cement shoes.

ITEM 27: CNBC panicked and said, “Credit card debt hits record $1.17 trillion, New York Fed research shows.”

The national debt is 30 times higher. Maybe we should worry about that instead of people using plastic to buy Christmas gifts.

ITEM 28: Cenk Uygur tweeted, “Sarah Palin was very nervous before her VP debate with Biden in 2008 and then she realized she just had to memorize the talking points on each issue and give that answer no matter what the specific question was. Are we sure that’s not what Kamala Harris did this entire campaign?

“But now let’s note the mainstream media reaction to Palin versus their reaction to Kamala Harris. One was savaged and ridiculed and the other was coddled and protected. And they still think they’re unbiased. I don’t mind criticizing Palin, as I did. I mind not criticizing Harris.”

Let’s hope we don’t run out of red pills.

ITEM 29: Sky News reported, “Hamas ready for Gaza ceasefire ‘immediately’ — but claims Israel has put forward no ‘serious proposals’ in months.”

There will be a ceasefire when there is no Hamas to cease the fire with.

ITEM 30: The Daily Mail reported, “One of the world's richest people has announced he is moving to the U.S. in the wake of Donald Trump's victory in the presidential election.

“Australian billionaire Anthony Pratt, who is a member of Trump’s private Mar-a-Lago Club and has a net worth of around $12.3 billion, said he was granted a green card for permanent residency last month.”

How smart can he be? He’s traveling halfway across the world to become a Florida Man.

ITEM 31: ABC reported, “A Secret Service agent tasked with protecting former President Barack Obama knowingly and repeatedly breached his duties while trying to woo a love interest — and living a double life, according to a new memoir by the agent’s former girlfriend.”

Pro tip: When visiting Obama’s palace, don’t go paddleboarding.

ITEM 32: The Daily Mail reported, “Trump is considering making Sean Spicer his Navy secretary.”

They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit
They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit

ITEM 33: The New York Post reported, “Editor-in-chief of Scientific American resigns following expletive-filled rant against Trump voters.”

Maybe the next editor should like know something about science.

ITEM 34: Argentina’s Milei News tweeted, “Last week, on a surprised ramp-handling service strike, more than 1,500 passengers were locked up inside of airplanes for hours.

“President Milei sent the army to rescue them. This led to an even higher approval rating of Milei’s Administration.”

Not all heroes wear capes. Some carry chainsaws.

ITEM 35: LifeNews.com tweeted, “Pence Opposes Robert Kennedy Jr. HHS Nomination Because He’s Pro-Abortion.”

Pence is so pro-life that he opposed re-electing the man who got Roe-Wade overturned.

ITEM 36: The New York Post reported, “Staten Island bakery customers batter Whoopi Goldberg for dubious claim that she wasn’t served due to her liberal views: ‘Bulls—t.’ ”

Remember when Oberlin College called a bakery racist and had to pay the owners $36 million? That was awesome.

ITEM 37: The Telegraph reported, “Iran sets up mental health clinic to ‘treat’ women who refuse to wear hijab.”

As a gesture of goodwill, would the ayatollahs mind treating some of the women shaving their heads because Trump won?

FINALLY, Trump’s new press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, 27, almost married comedian and speechwriter Jon Lovett, 42, but she got hung up on which surname to use: Lovett or Leavitt?

(Disclaimer: I made that up.)