Highlights of the week

ITEM 1: Eric Daugherty tweeted, “President Trump has boarded Air Force One and is on his way HOME after a wildly successful NATO trip. He just convinced ALL of NATO to increase their defense spending by billions, to 5% of GDP annually. MASSIVE victory.

“Next up is passage of the TAX CUTS and border funding under the Big Beautiful Bill!”

This is what happens when you have a president who can walk up a flight of stairs.

ITEM 2: Chief Justice John Roberts finally let a female justice—ACB—write a major decision. It immediately turned into a catfight, “We will not dwell on Justice Jackson’s argument, which is at odds with more than two centuries worth of precedent, not to mention the Constitution itself. We observe only this: Justice Jackson decries an imperial Executive while embracing an imperial Judiciary.”

KBJ replied, “This is why no one sits with you at lunch.”

ACB responded, “This is why Roberts makes you write your dissents in crayon.”

ITEM 3: Just to be clear, ACB wrote it but 5 colleagues kept it in. The new kid just isn’t fitting in.

As for the decision, it stayed the execution of most injunctions issued by lowly district judges who have a superiority complex that makes surgeons roll their eyes.

ITEM 4: New York Democrats picked a Muslim commie as their candidate for mayor. He promised to take over stores to make things free and turn subways into camps for the homeless. In other words, nothing will change.

Democrats passed over Granny Killer Cuomo because they wanted to give a new generation a chance to turn NYC into a shithole.

ITEM 5: Enjoy those calls to prayer 5 times a day, New Yorkers.

But can you get a prayer rug in LGBT colors?

ITEM 6: Christiane Amanpour tweeted:

“You cannot bomb away the memory of how to make a bomb,” says former Secretary of State John Kerry, “One of the dangers here is that the more this goes on in a military way, the more power goes to the worst offenders within Iran: the IRGC. And that’s not good for anybody.”

Israel bombed away Iran’s nuclear scientists, Lurch.

ITEM 7: National Review reported, “The Iranian foreign ministry admitted that their nuclear facilities were badly damaged by U.S. strikes over the weekend after reports surfaced about a low-confidence U.S. intelligence assessment suggesting otherwise.”

The Iranian government has more credibility than CNN and its Natasha Bertrand.

ITEM 8: A Massey Energy mine exploded in Beckley, WV, on April 5, 2010, and killed 29 men. They went back in to recover the bodies and then closed the mine—because the mountain had been compromised and could never be trusted again.

Fordo is dead. Iran won’t bother building another one, which is a shame because the B-2 pilots who served as decoys earned some target practice time.

ITEM 9: Matt Margolis reported, “FBI Director Kash Patel and Deputy Director Dan Bongino dropped a political bombshell Tuesday, accusing the bureau’s former leadership of deliberately burying explosive evidence that pointed to a Chinese plot to rig the 2020 election in Joe Biden’s favor.”

Billy “Batts” Barr refused to investigate Hunter’s laptop, refused to investigate mail-in ballots from Red China and refused to stop the FBI from setting up the J6 protesters.

Say, I’m beginning to think Barr may be a bad guy.

ITEM 10: WSB-TV reported, “Georgia to restart cursive writing classes for elementary students.”

It is the beginning of a well-rounded education.

ITEM 11: Florida’s attorney general tweeted a video of Alligator Alcatraz—a detention center for illegal aliens being built in the Everglades.

Each inmate will carry a nutrition label on the back of his T-shirt giving data on calories, carbs and daily alligator intake requirements.

Biden gave them luxury hotel suites. DeSantis is giving them cots in a swamp.

ITEM 12: Nick Sortor tweeted, “Jasmine Crockett came in LAST PLACE in her run to become the top Democrat on the powerful House Oversight Committee.”

She needs to ghetto-ver herself.

ITEM 13: ABC tweeted, “Pope Leo XIV affirmed Wednesday that priests must be celibate and insisted that bishops take ‘firm and decisive’ action to deal with sex abusers.”

He said in Latin, Caelebis, caelibes, ad musicam salta, which translates to celibate, celibate, dance to the music.

He also said, Caligae Albae Chicagenses hoc anno valde malae sunt, which translates to the Chicago White Sox really suck this year.

ITEM 14: NBC tweeted, “Three men and a juvenile in Atlanta could face hate crimes charges after they pulled down LGBTQ pride flags and cut them up at an intersection known as the center of the city's LGBTQ community, according to Atlanta police.”

So much for the right to burn a flag.

ITEM 15: Adam Bonica reported that in the last two months, the Supreme Court has found that district court judges were wrong in stopping Trump 15 times in 16 cases.

That’s a 94% error rate, which qualifies them for jobs as political pollsters.

ITEM 16: UPI reported, “The Trump administration is suing all 15 federal district court judges in Maryland over a standing order preventing the government from deporting immigrants who are challenging their removal.

“The lawsuit, filed Tuesday but announced Wednesday, is an unprecedented move by the Trump administration and an escalation of its attack on the judicial system and judges who rule against his immigration crackdown.”

Not to mention the judiciary’s unprecedented attacks on the presidency.

ITEM 17: Murdoch’s WSJ declared, “Thomas Massie Wants ‘Cease-Fire’ With Trump.”

Hmm. I wonder what Massie’s building in his basement. We should send a couple of B-2s over to check him out.

By the way, the surviving members of the rock group B-52s should go on tour as the B-2s—smaller but almost as deadly.

ITEM 18: The New York Post tweeted, “Armenian prime minister offers to show penis to Orthodox church honcho to prove” he’s uncircumcised.

What a dick move.

ITEM 19: Collin Rugg tweeted, “Jamaal Bowman says black people suffer from heart disease and obesity because they carry the stress of being called the N word every day.”

Evan Kilgore replied, “I see blacks call each other the N word every single day, so this is interesting.”

Rugg replied, “They’re giving each other heart disease, apparently.”

ITEM 20: Screen Rant reported, “Rachel Zegler Reportedly In Talks To Portray Iconic The Sound Of Music Role.”

She’s the Latino who played Snow White in the recent remake of that classic. She will play Maria this time.

In this version of The Sound of Music, the Greta Thunberg of DEI convinces Captain Von Trapp to join the Nazis to drive the Jews from the river to the sea.

ITEM 21: WSJ reported, “A mediator has proposed that President Trump and Paramount Global settle his lawsuit over a CBS News 60 Minutes interview with former Vice President Kamala Harris for $20 million, according to people familiar with the matter.

“The proposal would include a $17 million donation to Trump’s presidential foundation or museum, the people said. It would also include millions more in legal fees and public service announcements on Paramount-owned networks to fight antisemitism, the people said.”

Trump dropped his request that CBS reporters call him Your Favorite President in every report they do on him.

ITEM 22: REPORTER: “Why didn’t you acknowledge the female pilots? The messages you sent out only congratulated the boys.”

HEGSETH: “ ‘Our boys in bombers’ is a common phrase. I’m very proud of that female pilot. I don’t care if it’s a male or a female, and neither do the American people. Your obsession with gender. We don’t play your games anymore.”

Equality is treating a woman as one of the boys.

ITEM 23: The New York Post claimed, “U.S. economy shrank for first time since 2022—and Trump tariffs were a major reason why.”

The quarter covered January, February and March. The tariffs began in April.

ITEM 24: Real Clear Investigations reported, “Who Counts? Trump Poised To Try To Remove Noncitizens From Census.”

The courts have beclowned themselves by protecting illegal alien killers and wife beaters, which improves Trump’s chances on this issue.

ITEM 25: NBC tweeted, “A bookstore in San Francisco announces it will no longer sell titles by J.K. Rowling, including her popular Harry Potter series, due to the author’s anti-transgender views and advocacy.”

They said there would be book bannings under Trump.

ITEM 26: Michigan Sen. Elissa Slotkin told a group called a New Vision for the Democrat Party: “We should ban cellphones in every K-12 classroom in America.”

That’s the top issue in America. Everyone at the nursing home is talking about it.

ITEM 27: AP reported, “States can cut off Medicaid funding to Planned Parenthood, the Supreme Court rules.”

Wow, states—not Democrat front groups—control state budgets.

ITEM 28: Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth said, “I am pleased to announce that the United States Navy is renaming the USNS Harvey Milk to the USNS Oscar V. Peterson. We are taking the politics out of ship naming.”

CPO Peterson saved his ship long enough for sailors to escape in the Battle of the Coral Sea (1942), receiving the Medal of Honor posthumously. Milk accepted a less than honorable discharge in peacetime.

ITEM 29: CBS whined, “The Supreme Court on Friday upheld a Texas law that requires pornography websites to verify their visitors' age, finding that the lower court applied the appropriate level of judicial review when evaluating the constitutionality of the age-verification laws.

“The justices in a 6-3 vote rejected a challenge brought by a pornography interest group called the Free Speech Coalition that said the measure violates the free speech rights of adults who want to access the content.”

OLD: Everyone I Don’t Like Is Hitler.

NEW: Everything I Don’t Like Is Unconstitutional.

ITEM 30: Fox reported, “Washington Post bashes socialist Zohran Mamdani as potential disaster for New York City.”

New York, New York. If they can break it there, they’ll break it anywhere. It’s up to you, New York, New York.

ITEM 31: The National Post reported that Ontario agreed to pay for surgery to give a man a vagina without lopping off his penis.

I say to that man, GFY.

And he will soon be able to.

ITEM 32: Donald Trump tweeted on Truth Social, “We have just been informed that Canada, a very difficult Country to TRADE with, including the fact that they have charged our Farmers as much as 400% Tariffs, for years, on Dairy Products, has just announced that they are putting a Digital Services Tax on our American Technology Companies, which is a direct and blatant attack on our Country.

“They are obviously copying the European Union, which has done the same thing, and is currently under discussion with us, also. Based on this egregious Tax, we are hereby terminating ALL discussions on Trade with Canada, effective immediately.

“We will let Canada know the Tariff that they will be paying to do business with the United States of America within the next seven day period. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

We fired our guns and the Canucks kept a-comin’
There wasn’t as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to runnin’
Across Lake Erie on to Ontario.

ITEM 33: Fox reported, “GE Appliances to move washing machine production from [Red] China to Kentucky in $490M investment.”

The only difference now is they will be called warshing machines.

ITEM 34: NOTUS reported, “Don Bacon to Announce Retirement from Congress.”

Democrats hardest hit.

ITEM 35: NYT reported, “University of Virginia President Resigns Under Pressure From Trump Administration.”

He was very cavalier about protecting civil rights.

ITEM 36: The Telegraph reported, “Pulitzer Prize-winning Washington Post journalist arrested over child abuse images.”

He won his Pulitzer for stories about Republican Roy Moore dating 16-year-olds (the age of consent in Alabama) when he was in his 30s some 30 years earlier. This cost Moore election to the Senate.

ITEM 37: Natasha Bertrand and Zachary “Boris” Cohen reported, “U.S. did not use bunker buster bombs on one of Iran’s nuclear sites, top general tells lawmakers, citing depth of the target.”

Yes, they used 30 Tomahawk missiles fired from a submarine. I knew that 6 days ago. But Natasha is the expert and she said the raid failed.

ITEM 38: The Maine Wire reported, “Beware the Ocean’s Stealthy Hunter—New England Great Whites May Be Swimming This Way, Again.”

In this remake of Jaws, the great white shark is played by Samuel L. Jackson. We’re gonna need bigger snakes on a plane, MoFo.

ITEM 39: CBS reported, “Trump celebrates U.S.-brokered peace deal between Democratic Republic of Congo and Rwanda.”

Peace-mongerer.

ITEM 40: The press finally got around to asking the Orange Man about settling the Indo-Pakistan Conflict.

Trump: “I said to Scott, I said to Howard, cancel all deals with India and Pakistan. They’re not trading with us because they’re in a war. They call back, what do we do? I said, look, you want to have trade with the United States. It’s great, but you want to go and start using nuclear weapons on each other. We’re not going to allow that. And they both agreed.”

They make a lot of money off the American market. Big Daddy literally threatened to take their allowance away if they continued to fight.

ITEM 41: Bloomberg reported, “The U.S. and [Red] China finalized a trade understanding reached last month in Geneva, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick said, adding that the White House has imminent plans to reach agreements with a set of 10 major trading partners. The [Red] China deal, which Lutnick said had been signed two days ago, codifies the terms laid out in trade talks between Beijing and Washington, including a commitment from [Red] China to deliver rare earths used in everything from wind turbines to jet planes.”

I am officially tired of winning because I cannot keep up. I’m tired. I’m not a wabbit. I need some rest.

FINALLY, regarding KBJ, I am not saying she is retarded. I am just saying she is not smart enough to cover bombing raids for CNN.