Highlights of the Week

It is Brides Month. Don't be heterophobic.

ITEM 1: ESPN reported, “MLB umpire Ángel Hernández retiring after 3 decades.”

His calls were so bad that they drove his seeing eye dog to drink.

ITEM 2: The Daily Mail reported, “Joe and Hunter Biden used a visit to Sandy Hook memorial service to set up secret meeting with Chinese over a $10 million-a-year deal, new emails reveal.”

FJB would not sell out our country for all the tea in China!

$10 million a year is enough. He ain’t greedy.

ITEM 3: CNN reported, “U.S. pier constructed off Gaza has broken apart.”

It wasn’t pier reviewed.

ITEM 4: Canadian politician Arnaud Bertrand tweeted, “Incredible. U.S. Speaker of the House: ‘we don’t put any international body above our sovereignty.’”

We also reject the metric system and for the same reason. Give them 2.54 centimeters and they’ll take 1.6 kilometers.

ITEM 5: Texas AG Ken Paxton said, “We Must Have An Attorney General That Will Take Out The Corruption.”

Or as the Quaker Oatmeal Man used to say, “Nothing is better for thee than me.”

ITEM 6: Leading Report tweeted, “Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says fluoride damages the brain, and as President, he would remove fluoride from American drinking water.”

He sold out to Mr. Tooth Decay.

ITEM 7: PJ Media reported, “College World Series-Bound Baseball Team Receives Tremendous Support as Its School Shuts Down.”

Birmingham-Southern may be on to something. Keep the team, lose the college.

ITEM 8: Reason magazine asked, “Are Americans really prepared to spend a trillion dollars to deport undocumented migrants?”

The deal of the century.

ITEM 9: The Daily Mail reported, “Donald Trump gets a SIX-POINT bump in approval after being found guilty on 34 counts according to snap Daily Mail poll: ‘I think it was a waste of taxpayer money.’”

Wasting taxpayer money is what Democrats do best.

ITEM 10: Via Kane at Citizen Free Press, the verdict came on the anniversary of Joan of Arc being burned at the stake in 1431.

Her witch trial was fairer.

ITEM 11: We Love Trump reported, “Trump Fundraising Website Crashes After Guilty Verdict: Sleeping Giant Awakens!”

That’s not a sleeping giant. That’s Godzilla.

ITEM 12: Winsome Earle-Sears tweeted:

Most of you know that I have always said that I am a Christian first and a Republican second — because no political party died for me. Today, a verdict was rendered.

We know that the case was brought by a man bent on destroying another. This was not about justice — this was a mockery of justice.

Where was the case against Hilary for “wiping” her server? Where is the case against Pres Biden to determine his involvement in Hunter Biden’s business dealing with China and Russia?

I remember reading that Abraham Lincoln said many times he was driven to his knees [in prayer] because he had no place else to go.

And so when a verdict like this comes down, then I pray. I pray to understand what God is trying to do.

So the president will appeal and we will pray that righteousness and justice will prevail.

There aren’t any angels in politics, but she comes close.

ITEM 13: Off the Press reported, “Dennis Quaid Shifts To Trump: ‘People Might Call Him An Asshole, But He’s My Asshole.’”

We need one, for as his brother Randy said in Christmas Vacation, shitter’s full.

ITEM 14: Rolling Stone sobbed, “Nikki Haley Writes ‘Finish Them!’ on Israeli Bomb After Refugee Massacre.”

Our next ambassador to Israel. She may be a bird brain, but she’s our bird brain.

ITEM 15: RNC Research reported, “An illegal in Chicago has been arrested for the TENTH TIME — having already been arrested on shoplifting, possession, resisting arrest, trespassing, aggravated battery, and other charges.”

If he were the No. 1 golfer in the world, he’d be in jail.

ITEM 16: ESPN reported, “Two women are suing kicker Brandon McManus and the Jacksonville Jaguars, alleging that McManus sexually assaulted them during the team’s overseas flight to London last year, according to court documents obtained by ESPN.”

But kicker Harrison Butker is the problem.

ITEM 17: MSN reported that Yale hired its first woman president. She comes direct from Stony Brook, which is ranked No. 58 out of 439 National Universities.

Dude, even the subways no longer accept tokens.

ITEM 18: Campus Reform reported, “Yale students call for open intifada, say activists should escalate disruption and ‘paralyze all aspects of normal life.’”

They think Open Intifada is a song by Iron Butterfly. (They were forced to listen to Grandpa Rock as children.)

ITEM 19: The Guardian reported, “A cinema in Massachusetts has apologized to the audience at a special screening of Jaws and a Q&A with its star, Richard Dreyfuss, who reportedly made a number of sexist and transphobic comments.”

Jaws came out in 1975 — one year before Elton John did.

ITEM 20: Rasmussen reported, “54% of Democrats Now Approve of Dumping Biden.”

99% of Trump supporters want FJB to stay in.

ITEM 21: The Dominion Report tweeted, “Judge Allows Lawsuit Against Gender-Affirming Doctors.”

She was 10 when this began. Put me on the jury and her new pronoun is millionaire and her doctor’s pronoun is prison inmate.

ITEM 22: ABC reported, “The Democrat National Committee will move to conduct virtual proceedings to certify President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris as the Democrat Party nominees before Ohio's Aug. 7 ballot certification deadline, and before their in-person convention beginning Aug. 19, the party confirmed to ABC News on Tuesday.”

Democrats are going to obey an election law. I am shocked.

ITEM 23: The New York Post reported, “Lawmakers’ horrific plan to turn NYC into ‘Sin City East’ by OK’ing prostitution.”

Hold on there. Judge Merchan’s daughter will have to make money some way now that his big trial is over and the bribes will stop.

ITEM 24: American Greatness reported, “Robert De Niro Melts Down During Biden Campaign Train Wreck Presser in Manhattan.”

They brought in De Niro to share the stage so Biden would not look as weird. I think it worked.

ITEM 25: Ben Bergquam: Did you steal Trump’s haircut?

Joy Ann Reid: You’re a f**cking idiot!

That’s all right, Joy. It could be worse. Congresswoman Ayanna Presley culturally appropriated her hairstyle from Mr. Clean.

ITEM 26: The New York Post reported, “Sen. John Fetterman dramatically whips off Harvard hood at Yeshiva University commencement: ‘Profoundly disappointed.’”

Now rip off that Democrat hood.

ITEM 27: CNN reported, “Soldiers in Ukraine say US-supplied tanks have made them targets for Russian strikes.”

Maybe putting rainbow flags on them in the name of DEI wasn’t a good idea.

ITEM 28: BBC reported, “Zelensky urges Biden to attend Ukraine peace summit.”

I was wrong. I thought Zelensky would fight until the last drop of someone else’s blood. It turns out he will fight until the last dollar from someone else’s bank account.

I should have known when he misquoted Winston Churchill: “We shall fight with the big banks. We shall fight with credit cards. We shall fight at the ATMs and on installment payments. We shall fight with traveler’s checks. We shall never surrender.”

ITEM 29: NBC reported, “The Supreme Court on Thursday ruled that the National Rifle Association can pursue a claim that a New York state official’s efforts to encourage companies to end ties with the gun rights group constituted unlawful coercion.”

9-0. At some point we need to consider kicking New York out of the Union. Make it the United States of Everyone But You, New York.

ITEM 30: National News reported, “Britain and US strike several Houthi sites in Yemen.”

This is going to be a strange world war where Biden will have us siding with Iran in Israel but not in Yemen.

ITEM 31: Axios reported, “Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) officially left the Democrat Party on Friday and registered as an independent.”

Now to get him to officially leave the state and the Senate.

FINALLY, Americans by and large rejected Thursday’s convictions. The Trump donation site was overwhelmed by donors who gave him $53 million in one day.

President Trump can win a fair fight. He did that in 2016. Now to win an unfair one.