HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK

ITEM 1: ABC tweeted, “Bam! Pow! A man in Florida proved that not all heroes wear capes after he thwarted a burglary and detained a suspect—all while wearing Batman pajamas, according to police.”

Actually he proved heroes DO wear capes because without that Batman costume, that joker would have gotten away.

Think up a new cliché.

ITEM 2: Travis Kelce is going to make an honest woman out of Taylor Swift and marry her.

I can’t wait for the nuptials, especially when Kanye interrupts the ceremony saying the wedding ring should go to Beyoncé.

ITEM 3: Justice KBJ accused the rest of the court of playing Calvinball, meaning making up the rules as they go along.

Other justices cite precedent and the law. KBJ cited a comic strip that ended 30 years ago. She may believe the 6-year-oldboy and the toy tiger in Calvin and Hobbes are actually theologians John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes.

ITEM 4: Johnny St. Pete tweeted, “Kamala Harris loses her SECRET SERVICE protection and MSNBC tries to tie this into Bolton & Retribution of course. When in REALITY she has it longer than ANY VP IN HISTORY.”

The winners of the week are her Secret Service detail—no more word salads.

ITEM 5: The Harvard Crimson reported, “Harvard To Remove Black Lives Matter Message From Biology Professors’ Office Windows.”

It was a truth-in-advertising complaint because Harvard is in Massachusetts which opposes Trump sending in the National Guard to protect black people from crime.

ITEM 6: The New York Post reported, “SNL alum Punkie Johnson weighs in on bloodbath of cast exits: ‘WTF is happening.’ ”

If they cancel SNL, I’ll never watch it again.

ITEM 7: The New York Post reported, “Minneapolis school shooter Robin Westman confessed he was ‘tired of being trans’: ‘I wish I never brain-washed myself.’ ”

So not only was he a tranny, but he was a transphobic tranny.

ITEM 8: Fox reported, “An NPR host issued a clarification after Sen. Amy Klobuchar, D-Minn., used a he pronoun for the Minnesota school shooter.”

Yes, let’s not be impolite to a mass murderer.

ITEM 9: Girly Man Newsom tweeted, “These children were literally praying as they got shot at.”

Democrats opposed prayer in school. Now they oppose prayer in church.

ITEM 10: The Washington Examiner reported, “GDP growth for second quarter revised up to 3.3% rate.”

You can tell the party of the president by the way the revisions go.

ITEM 11: Fox tweeted, “Obama slams Trump’s use of National Guard to help cities fight crime as ‘dangerous trend.’ ”

Oh no! The black murder rate will go down putting the livelihood of morticians at risk.

ITEM 12: Marco Rubio told the Cabinet meeting this week, “For me personally, this is the most meaningful Labor Day of my life as someone with four jobs.”

Does this mean he gets four days off?

ITEM 13: Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson said, “We cannot incarcerate our way out of violence. We’ve already tried that. The addiction to jails and incarceration in this country. We have moved past that. It is racist, it is immoral, it is unholy, and it is not the way to drive violence down.”

If only Democrats cared more about the black men in cemeteries than the ones in penitentiaries.

ITEM 14: The New York Post reported, “Vanity Fair employees lash out over proposed Melania Trump cover: ‘I will walk out the motherf—ing door.’ ”

Hey, Jeff Bezos, I figured out a way to cut your staff at your Washington Post without buying them out.

ITEM 15: Disappointed that the National Guard sent to DC did not turn into Nazi stormtroopers, the Bezos Post reported, “National Guard troops deployed in D.C. add sanitation, landscaping duties.

“Service members say they’re glad to help the National Park Service. But some question if trash removal and grounds keeping are an appropriate use of the military.”

Ah, that brings back memories.

ITEM 16: Trump may change the name Department of Defense back to the War Department.

I have a better idea. Drop the title secretary in favor of wartime consigliere. I want someone who will go to the mats for our country. When he enters the room, the band would play Speak Softly Love.

ITEM 17: Right Angle News tweeted, “Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who sits on a subcommittee that decides how much is spent on military construction and where it’s allocated, has been caught buying stock in Viasat, a military communications company whose shares have risen 345% since her purchase.”

Nancy’s Mini-Me.

ITEM 18: America’s favorite nutball Nobel Prize winner, Paul Krugman, is perplexed once again by Trumponomics:

For those of us who follow economic policy in general and the Federal Reserve in particular, the past week has been shocking and terrifying. Donald Trump’s ongoing attempts to bully the Fed into large interest rate cuts have escalated into an attempt to fire Lisa Cook, a member of the Fed’s Board of Governors, over unsubstantiated claims that she committed financial fraud while still a college professor. Indeed, Trump claims that he has already fired her, although he has no legal right to do so.

Whatever happens, Trump’s campaign to take over monetary policy has shifted from a public pressure to personal intimidation of Fed officials: the attack on Cook signals that Trump and his people will try to ruin the life of anyone who stands in his way. There is now a substantial chance that the Fed’s independence, its ability to manage the nation’s monetary policy on an objective, technocratic basis rather than as an instrument of the president’s political interests and personal whims, will soon be gone.

So why aren’t markets freaking out?

Just for fun, re-read that line in Hillary’s voice when she demanded to know why aren’t I ahead by 50 points?

ITEM 19: U.S. Naval Institute News reported, “A South Korean shipbuilder will pump $5 billion of capital expenditure into a shipyard in Philadelphia, Pa., to bolster the country’s ongoing investments in U.S. shipbuilding, the company announced.

“Korean-owned Hanwha, which late last year bought the Philly Shipyard and renamed it Hanwha Philly Shipyard, disclosed the investment Tuesday, one day after South Korea’s president met with President Donald Trump in the Oval Office.”

I suppose that’s OK as long as we don’t go to war with South Korea.

ITEM 20: The Director of the National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention sent a letter of resignation to his boss signing it as “Demetre C. Daskalakis MD MPH (he/his/him).”

Karoline Leavitt responded to a reporter’s question and said, “He identifies pregnant women as pregnant people, so that’s not someone who we want in this administration.”

Only the federal government hires doctors who do not know basic biology.

ITEM 21: Eric Daugherty tweeted, “The Governor of Missouri is going to call a special session of the legislature to redraw the state's US House map and one proposed map VERY easily draws out a brand new +1 Republican district.

“Missouri needs to do it. Then, EVERY red state who can must follow suit.”

Democrats are trying to get all their states to redistrict but Delaware and Vermont refuse to.

ITEM 22: Matt “CIA” Drudge’s headline read, “DON NOT INVITED: Xi to host Putin and Kim in show of unity.”

Almost as sad as when Hitler, Tojo and Mussolini met but didn’t invite FDR.

ITEM 23: CNN took to the fainting couch after reporting, “President Donald Trump has notified Congress he is moving to cancel $4.9 billion in congressionally approved foreign aid using a rare pocket rescission, drawing criticism from Democrats and at least one top Republican senator who questioned the legality of the move.”

The aid went to things vital to American security such as, “baking and beauty therapy in Zimbabwe.”

Have you looked at Zimbabwean women recently? They are pug-ugly. Please, Mister President, give those poor women makeovers.

ITEM 24: President Trump issued a proclamation declaring Monday Labor Day.

Judge Boasberg immediately shut it down saying a day celebrating workers discriminates against welfare recipients.

ITEM 25: Grok reported, “A federal appeals court delivered a major legal setback to President Donald Trump on August 29, 2025, ruling in a 7-4 decision that his sweeping global tariffs exceed his authority under the International Emergency Economic Powers Act.”

The judges cited the 47th Amendment: Anything Trump does that we don’t like is unconstitutional.

ITEM 26: Eric Daugherty tweeted, “Attorney General Pam Bondi fires a DOJ employee who gave the middle finger to a National Guard member on her way to work, and then bragged about it. Good riddance.”

Throw a Subway, lose your job. Flip the bird, lose your job. Any questions?

ITEM 27: The New York Post reported, “Country singer Alexis Wilkins has slapped former FBI agent–turned-podcaster Kyle Seraphin with a $5 million defamation lawsuit, accusing him of maliciously branding her an Israeli spy sent to seduce and compromise boyfriend, FBI Director Kash Patel, in a honeypot operation.”

She was called a honeypot by a honey dipper.

ITEM 28: Newsweek reported, “Parts of Texas to be cold as Alaska.”

Just kidding. The headline was “Alaska Cities Could Feel as Hot as Parts of Texas Today.”

Juneau how journalism works these days.

ITEM 29: Canada’s CBC reported, “Tropicana might cost $13.99 but Canada-processed brands are typically half that.”

Ah, Canadian oranges. They must taste like maple syrup.

Buried in Paragraph 11: “Supply constraints push up prices, which reduces demand. Plus, there are the 25% counter-tariffs imposed by Canada on March 4.”

Canada imposed its counter-tariffs a month before Trump announced his.

Congratulations, Canada. Your media is just as deep-state biased as ours.

ITEM 30: The Hill reported, “Hegseth says Chinese nationals no longer allowed to work on Pentagon cloud.”

His actual words were, “Hey (Hey), you (You), get off of my cloud. Don’t hang around ’cause two’s a crowd on my cloud, baby.”

FINALLY, I cited Grok in Item 25 because Grok wrote a straight lead. Since becoming journalists, reporters seem to have forgotten how to write. I verified Grok’s facts.