Highlights of the week

Before there was Mamdani, there was Jimmy McMillan.

ITEM 1: Reporter: “Why do we need an aircraft carrier and strike group [off Venezuela]?”

Trump: “They gotta be somewhere.”

ITEM 2: Zero Hedge reported, “Hawaii Has The Highest Homelessness Rate In America, Mississippi The Lowest.”

Just because they are homeless does not mean they are stupid. No knock on Mississippi, but come on. Elvis did Blue Hawaii, not Mississippi Burning.

ITEM 3: The Washington Examiner reported, “Latinx leader who served as Oregon policy advisor was illegal immigrant convicted of sex crimes.”

ICE finally busted him. Under Trump, no Juan is above the law.

ITEM 4: CBS tweeted, “Honda is recalling 406,290 vehicles because of a manufacturing defect that can cause the wheels to detach, increasing the risk of a crash.”

Kenny Rogers wrote a song about it. Want to hear it? Here it goes: “You picked a fine time to leave me lose wheel.”

ITEM 5: Minneapolis decided to keep its idiot mayor Jacob Frey instead of electing Somali-American Omar Fateh, aka Mini Mamdani.

ITEM 6: Bret Sears tweeted, “Zohran Mamdani uses Quebec as an example of economic success for Universal Childcare. He says there are so many mothers of young children who are now going to work instead of staying home to take care of their kids.”

Universal Childcare sounds so much better than we’re going to take your kids away and make you go to work, wench.

ITEM 7: Democrats swept elections in blue states.

I predict Trump will NOT be re-elected in 2028. Clip and save this prediction.

ITEM: Matt Drudge thought this was important: “Weight loss jabs are suppressing our appetite for adventure.”

Yes because we know how active fat people are.

ITEM 8: The New York Times reported, “As Saudi Arabia Cracks Down on Drugs, Executions Near a Record High.”

With fentanyl and opioids, you are just speeding things up.

ITEM 9: Voters in Coldwater, Kansas, population 687 (sa-LOOT) re-elected Mayor Jose Ceballos on Tuesday. On Friday, the state charged him with vote fraud because he is a legal resident but not a citizen of the USA.

Well, there goes the new snowplow the city was gonna buy this winter.

ITEM 10: NBC reported, “MaineHealth—the state’s largest healthcare provider—said more than 500 living patients received letters indicating that they were dead and providing instructions to their next of kin as a result of a computer system error.”

The staff took the news badly.

ITEM 11: City AM tweeted, “The Mayfield report found that workplace sickness cost businesses around £85 million a year as it said employers should take on more responsibility.”

If only England had a national health care program.

ITEM 12: The Telegraph reported, “The BBC doctored a Donald Trump speech by making him appear to encourage the Capitol Hill riot, according to an internal whistleblowing memo seen by The Telegraph.”

True, but BBC’s video of him kicking puppies is totally real.

ITEM 13: Speaking of puppy kicking, Jay “I want you to see your children die” Jones is the new attorney general for Virginia.

Democrats support puppy kicking —and assassinating opponents.

Executing murderers and child rapists is a whole ’nother matter.

ITEM 14: Know the difference.

This message was brought to you by the “New Yorkers, Don’t Move To West Virginia. We Have Banjos PAC.”

ITEM 15: Michelle Obama said, “I showed that you can be smart, beautiful, sexy, and a black woman.”

Funniest line ever on the Stephen Colbert show.

ITEM 16: President Trump channeled his inner Michelle Obama (yes, Big Mike) to demand that Nigeria stop the Muslim terrorist group Boko Haram from slaughtering Christians.

Michelle received plenty of favorable press for her hashtag #BringBackOurGirls 11 years ago to get nearly 300 adolescent girls kidnapped from a Christian school released by Boko Haram.

Wow, we all agree that Muslims kidnapping, raping and murdering Christians is a bad thing. What kind of monster would financially support such terrorism?

Congressman Scott Perry said, “USAID funds Boko Haram, a group responsible for terror attacks, on especially Christians, in Nigeria, Cameroon, Niger and Chad.”

ITEM 17: Deep Thoughts From Jeffrey Dahmer.

He could have been king of Haiti.

ITEM 18: The Telegraph reported, “Man gropes Mexican president amid rising political violence. Claudia Sheinbaum forced to push away attacker in the street days after gunman kills regional mayor.”

Who is running Mexico’s Secret Service? Kamala Harris?

ITEM 19: ABC reported, “Lauren Boebert’s racially charged Halloween costume sparks backlash. Boebert dressed as a Mexican woman and her boyfriend as an ICE agent.”

So unfair. I see pictures of Hakeem Jeffries in a sombrero all the time and no one calls him a racist.

ITEM 20: The New York Post reported, “Federal judge orders White House to restore sign language interpreters at press briefings.”

The judge also ordered toilet paper rolls in the White House to be hung underhanded, in keeping with the traditional way Democrat make deals.

ITEM 21: Red State reported, “Nancy Pelosi Confirms Retirement: Woman Who Made Millions in Congress Is Finally Leaving It.”

Botox companies hard hit.

She said she wants to spend more time with her family.

Pelosi family hardest hit.

ITEM 22: Wall Street Apes tweeted, “An American pays $900 monthly payments on her students loans. Last time she looked was January, the balance was $100,000. She checked again, after 11 months of payments $9,900, her balance has only gone down $1,400

“That’s more than $8,500 in interest every year. This should be illegal.”

Actually, 8.5% APR for what amounts to a credit-card loan is pretty cheap.

ITEM 23: GQ reporter to Sydney Sweeney, “In this political climate, as a white woman, I want to give you an opportunity to apologize for saying you have good genes.”

Sweeney replied, “No.”

She is more than a pair of two gallon jugs.

ITEM 24: AP reported, “A divided federal appeals court in Ohio ruled against the state’s fourth largest school district on Thursday in a case that pitted its gender pronoun policies against the rights of students who believe there are only two genders.”

Believe there are only two genders? The news media keeps trying to normalize stupidity.

ITEM 25: Fox reported, “An aide to Massachusetts Gov. Maura Healey was arrested for cocaine trafficking after investigators intercepted packages with the drug slated to be delivered to a state office building where he worked, prosecutors said.”

He sold drugs to relieve the stress from working for Healey. Don’t punish the accused. Give him a nice speedboat ride in the Caribbean.

ITEM 26: WMUR reported that New Hampshire’s first tranny legislator, “Stacie Laughton pleaded guilty in federal court in Boston to charges including sexual exploitation of children in a child sex abuse images case.”

He now identifies as a child and demanded being put in juvenile detention.

ITEM 27: The New York Post reported, “Trans person accused of exposing self in women’s locker room was convicted of brutally beating ex-wife before taking her name.”

Why isn’t he in prison?

He’s in California. Never mind.

ITEM 28: Dick Cheney died at 84. No matter what your feelings are now, remember this moment from the 2004 Vice Presidential Debate. Dick Cheney to John Edwards:

“Senator, frankly, you have a record in the Senate that’s not very distinguished. You’ve missed 33 out of 36 meetings in the Judiciary Committee, almost 70 percent of the meetings of the Intelligence Committee. You’ve missed a lot of key votes: on tax policy, on energy, on Medicare reform. Your hometown newspaper has taken to calling you Senator Gone. You’ve got one of the worst attendance records in the United States Senate. Now, in my capacity as vice president, I am the president of Senate, the presiding officer. I’m up in the Senate most Tuesdays when they’re in session. The first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight.”

Democrats insist Cheney went to hell. Well then they should look forward to seeing him again someday.

ITEM 29: The AP headline said, “Trump has accused boat crews of being narco-terrorists. The truth, AP found, is more nuanced.”

Paragraph 4 said, “In dozens of interviews in villages on Venezuela’s breathtaking northeastern coast, from which some of the boats departed, residents and relatives said the dead men had indeed been running drugs but were not narco-terrorists or leaders of a cartel or gang.”

They were just following orders.

ITEM 30: The New York Times whined, “Tesla shareholders approved a plan to grant Elon Musk shares worth nearly $1 trillion if he meets ambitious goals, including vastly expanding the company’s stock market valuation.”

He gets the money if he increases the company’s worth to $8.5 trillion—$7 trillion more than it is now worth.

Thank you, Delaware Judge Kathaleen St. J. McCormick for voiding his $55 billion contract. He could get 20 times as much money.

ITEM 31: Fox News reported, “President Donald Trump has pardoned former Major League Baseball slugger Darryl Strawberry.”

Let’s throw a Strawberry Parade, the kind you find when you’re jailed no more.

ITEM 32: Hasan Piker to Jessica Tarlov: “I respect what you do, especially because if I had to sit next to Jesse Watters and Greg Buttfeld the entire time, I would kill myself.”

Hey, Fox News. Have I got a guest for you.

FINALLY, a reader wrote, “The Princeton University Art Museum reopened this weekend after about 5 years spent constructing a new building.

“I thought you might enjoy the object label for one of its signature pieces, Washington at the Battle of Princeton. The 1784 painting, commissioned by Princeton University, is flanked by busts of Washington.

“The object label is factually accurate about Washington’s destruction of American Indian settlements. It omits to mention that the Mohawk along with most of the Iroquois tribes were allied with the British during our revolution.”

My only experience with Mohawks was when I came home to find a smirking teenager with a Mohawk haircut. I channeled my inner Ward Cleaver and asked, “What will your girlfriend think when she sees it?”

Ten minutes later the Mohawk was gone just like Princeton’s reputation.