Here's your apology, Guardian

The Guardian reported, “The nationalities of the several hundred people assumed to have drowned in the latest, terrible migrant boat tragedy in the Mediterranean help explain why they attempted so perilous a journey. Pakistanis, Egyptians, Syrians, Afghans and Palestinians reportedly comprised most of the approximately 750 passengers crammed on to the unseaworthy vessel that set off from Tobruk in Libya and sank 50 miles off the coast of Greece last Wednesday.

“The list of countries of origin is an index of pain, for which the EU, Britain and their allies bear much responsibility. The West’s failure to stop the Syrian regime’s war on its people led to the 2015-16 migrant crisis, when hundreds of thousands of Syrians sought safety in Europe. Although fighting has subsided, many, including Palestinians living in desperate conditions in camps in the war-torn country, still flee persecution by a vengeful regime, or are quitting an increasingly unaccommodating Turkey.”

So the anti-Western forces in the West want an apology.

Be careful of that which you wish.

First, allow me to apologize for Hillary Clinton. She failed to looked presidential in that picture of Obama and Cabinet members ghoulishly watching the death of Osama bin Laden. To avoid the picture costing her the presidency in 2016. Obama bombed the hell out of Libya, which killed Ghadaffy, which led to a civil war, which led to refugees fleeing, which Syrian refugees now want to do.

But the bombing allowed her to cackle, “We came, we saw, he died,” as are hundreds of thousands of his people.

Next, let me apologize for Osama bin Laden. Due to lax immigration laws, he and some of his 51 siblings sired by his father through various wives lived in London for a while. He felt like an outsider because, well, he was an outsider. This we are told turned him into a Muslim terrorist.

It’s all our fault.

Many things are. It is our fault that he attacked and destroyed the Twin Towers on 9/11. It was too tall and alluring like those women he could not attract in London despite all his father’s money.

Permit me to apologize for the West inventing heavier-than-air flight, which 98 years later allowed Osama bin Laden’s henchmen to turn airliners into missiles.

The Arabs invented a nice saddle for camels. I doubt their corsairs loaded with camels could have made it across the Atlantic. At any rate, no matter how many camels they sent, they could not bring those towers down, so really 9/11 is all the fault of Orville and Wilbur Wright. They should have stuck to repairing bicycles.

Along those lines, I must apologize for daring to ask Afghanistan to turn bin Laden over to the USA. That the refusal to help triggered a war between NATO and the Taliban does not matter. It is all our fault for seeking justice.

But mainly I apologize for the West’s success in civilizing the world.

Christopher Columbus discovered that life existed on the other side of the planet. Within 300 years of his discovery, the West had brought civilization to Africa, Australia and the Americas. I suppose I could add Antarctica but no one lived there when the West arrived.

I apologize for stopping the human sacrifices by the Aztecs. Who are we to impose our values on them?

Well, except for abortion, executions and LGBTQQIAAP2S+. Liberals must draw the line somewhere.

I apologize for the West’s participation in Ghana’s slave trade. Europeans brought them to the Western Hemisphere where their descendants flourished centuries later due to the West freeing the slaves. Transporting Ghana’s slaves here was a big mistake.

We should have kept African slavery “For Us, By Us,” as the hip-hoppers say.

I apologize for teaching tribes in the Americas and Australia how to use the wheel in transportation. This allowed aboriginals to travel and to transport goods.

Also, I apologize for introducing written language to so many people on those discovered continents and islands. It replaced oral traditions with something more accurate than the fifth-hand tales told.

I apologize for replacing superstition with science. If it is any solace, the West has abandoned this and gone back to blaming the weather on the acts of man.

Then there is replacing voodoo with vaccines. That vaccines subdued and even eradicated diseases, which doubled and tripled life expectancies, does not matter. It was just plain wrong to interfere with nature like that.

So I apologize.

Just remember the covid vaccine is different because covid was manmade. Besides it is not a vaccine because it neither subdued nor eradicated covid.

I apologize for steamships, ocean liners and cargo ships, which brought distant worlds closer together.

And I apologize for harnessing and then generating electricity, which made life better for the world.

I apologize for refrigerators, air conditioners, washers, dryers and furnaces. Making life in a house better was a huge imposition of its values on the part of the West. We should have just let the food rot, the people swelter in the summer and everyone freeze in the winter. The Maytag Repairman should have just let women beat clothes clean on the rocks.

The nuclear family unit is wrong. As the African saying that Hillary made up goes, it takes a village to raise a child, which is why Africa is delightfully stuck in the 11th century instead of the 21st.

Hence I apologize for telegrams, phonographs, movies, radios and television because communication should remain local and entertainment should be limited to ghost stories told around the fire at night.

The West is the fount of all the evil according to the Guardian and every liberal I ever met. Colonization — the expansion of civilization — was wrong they claim. We replaced their traditions of human sacrifice, voodoo medicine and superstition with our values of hearth and home.

Mainly I apologize for the West having anything to do with some of these countries — starting with Libya.